Monday, December 24, 2012

EAT For The Baby Jesus

Food food glorious food. With another holiday season upon us food will be taking center stage.   Fatlings and thinlings will be stuffing themselves with the pigs they are. OINK oink oink oink oink oink as we all worship the belly God And drop a huge Yule log in the toilet.

Okay fellow fatlings let's kick this glutton fest into high gear. The holiday season is time for every glutton to join the glutton fest. Fatlings get fatter and thinlings will pack on a pound or two. Your typical 150 pounder me at 3 pounds whereas the gluttonous glutton will pack on considerably more blubber as we greedily devour every delicious morsel in sight. EAT EAT EAT and eat some more as we pay homage to Santa Claus at all other fatlings.

Belly boy, Teddy Bear even though he is Jewish will be joining all the goyim who will be gourmandizing greedily with gluttonous glee. Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat and we fatlings are getting even fatter than that goose or should I say the proverbial goose. Proud FA and his fiancĂ©e Thinnette will be cooking some tasty low-calorie dishes just for me, Fat Bastard. Hopefully our good friend, The Chef will stop by for a few cocktails and a few tokes of the sticky green for medicinal purposes only. For those of you who don't know about Chef; the Chef is a man of color and the Chef is a bit gouty in the leg. The Chef will tell you that the Chef loves the ladies and ladies love Chef but Chef in his own words will tell you and I quote, "the chef ain't got no wood for them supersized beautiful women or SSBBWs, God bless em. 

We will be singing our favorite Christmas songs Such as:

Silent fart deadly fart, It smelled bad at the start, Check the Balls on the Big Brown Collie, We three kings from Sloppy Joe's bar, bearing booze and  rubber  cigars. It  was loaded.  it exploded so God rest Ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay, remember Christ our savior was born on a bale of hay.

 They took the baby jesus wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger  and a  pig ate him.

We wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas so please drink more beer. we all want some  chocolate pudding we all want some fucking chocolate pudding we all want some chocolate pudding you  dumb fucking  queer. 

 Now, for our rendition of jingle bells,...  eat eat eat eat eat eat eat all fucking day.  Oh  what fun it is to eat in a glutton kind of way.

Now for our  rendition of let it snow let it snow let it snow...  Oh.. the weather outside is sucking so we might as well be fucking and since there's no place to go  let's get blowed  blow a load blow a load. 

Now for our version of Angels we have heard on high....  the chef and I will be getting high when we get aboard the plane and the gluttons  in reply echoing theirt sweet refrain,  more more more more more more food for us alka-seltzer all day oh  more more more more more more more food for us alka-seltzer all day yo.

This is fat bastard wishing you and yours a Merry Xmas and a happy New Year's. There was a man whose name was Lang and he had a neon sign. Well, Mr Lang was very old. So they called him old Lang's sign.  I, Fat Bastard will not only be enjoying Christmas but New Year's as well.

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