Saturday, March 9, 2013

Fat Phobic vs Fat Friendly Psycho Therapist

We sent our investigative reporter Rotunda Hindenberg to several psycho therapists and marriage counselors to see how fat freindly or fat phobic they are. They first one was a female therapist Dr Rebecca Izhot. Here is what Rotunda's hidden microphone recorded.

Dr Izhot

Dr Izhot:  Hi there Rotunda I'm Dr. Izhot. It's so nice to meet you. Please make yourself comfortable. Then I get you a glass of water some coffee or a bottle of pop?

Rotunda: Yeah you got some Dr Pepper? Got any Doritos?

Dr Izhot: I do have some diet Dr Pepper but I don't have anything to snack on, sorry.

Rotunda: (Grunting sounds)

Dr Izhot: So Rotunda what brings you here?

Rotunda: My husband refuses to have sex with me. He told me that I'm too fat to pork.

Dr Izhot: How do you feel about that Rotunda?

Rotunda: It makes me furious. I can't believe how shallow men are. He should love me for who I am.

Dr Izhot: Rotunda let me stop you right there. I could keep you coming back and allow you to obsess about the situation but I went to give it to you straight. Like it or not men like fit and attractive women. Sure there are men who have fetishes for really obese women but most men want their mate to be healthy. They do not want to risk impregnating an unhealthy woman who will give birth to a defective child. This is not something men consciously choose. It's in their DNA.

If you want your husband to find you attractive then I was suggest that you decide what's more important to you. Is it more important for you to be a healthy mate and mother, to be desirable to your man or to indulge your gluttonous desires? The question is quite simple. What is stronger, your love for your husband and your responsibility to be healthy or junk food? You need to decide Rotunda because obviously you are in great conflict over this. You want to have both, that's obvious but you can't have both unless you find a different sort of man who finds morbidly obese women attractive.

If you would like to come back for some weight-loss counseling and other behavioral therapies that can help you change your attitude and put you on track to a healthy lifestyle I would be more than happy to help you but if you're like most fat women who have been spurned I men and all you want to do is turn this into a man bashing contest that we will both be wasting each other's time. Please give this some thought. Here's my card.

Rotunda: SKINNY SLUT!!!!!!

At this point Rotunda storms out. 

The next therapist Rotunda visits is a man. His name is Dr. Paternoster. As a name suggests he is a fatherly type. He's a kindly old man who appears to be about 70 years of age.

Dr. Paternoster: Hello I'm Dr. Paternoster and you must be Rotunda Hindenberg. How are you today Rotunda?

Rotunda: Gasping for breath Rotunda responds. I had to walk up three flights of stairs to get to your office that's how I am.

Dr. Paternoster: That's how it is in one of these old Victorian homes that has been converted to office space. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Won't you please have a seat. Is it Miss or Mrs Hindenburg? Is there a Mr. Hindenburg?

Rotunda: I prefer Ms. Yes I am married but I kept my maiden name.

Dr. Paternoster: I see. Before we start the session I'd like to get a little background information on you such as family and other vital statistics such as date of birth and age. What is your date of birth?  Are both parents living? How many siblings do you have and what are their ages and genders? 

Rotunda: Both my parents are living. Their names are Carl and Bertha Hindenburg. I have two brothers Carl Junior and Denny. My sister's name is Wendy. She's the youngest. She's married to a guy named Dave Thomas. Carl Junior is engaged and Denny is divorced.

Dr. Paternoster: Do you have any significant illnesses? Do your parents or siblings have any significant illnesses?  

Rotunda: Hmmm.... Let's see. My father has hay fever. My mother has diabetic neuropathy, arthritis and she's had several toes amputated. Like me, Wendy is diabetic and we both have sleep apnea. Carl Junior and Denny have a mild case of psoriasis. 

Dr. Paternoster: What can I do for you Rotunda? What seems to be bothering you the most?

Rotunda: It's my husband Dr. He he won't have sex with me.  He says I'm too fat. I am hoping that you can give me some sort of incantation like in the movie Shallow Hal that will make him attracted to me. Can you do that?

Dr. Paternoster: I wish it were that simple but sexual response is a very complex thing. Males have to be aroused in order to perform in a sexual manner. Could it be that your husband suffers from erectile dysfunction?

Rotunda: I don't think so Dr. I caught him jerking off to porn.

Dr. Paternoster: Do you think you might have an addiction to pornography? 

Rotunda: I don't know but my guess is he's a shallow man who doesn't like a real woman like me. 

Dr. Paternoster: I'm not sure what you mean by that. What kind of women in your estimation are there?

Rotunda: there are real women like me, you know, ones with curves and then there are skinny ones. You know, the ones that men all want. 

Dr. Paternoster: Ms Hindenberg, please help me understand something. Why do you think that skinny women are not real women? In other words what makes you more real than them? Can you please clarify that for me?

Rotunda: Real women have curves. Real women have a BMI that starts at it least 25 and the higher their BMI the more real they are. So as you can see, I'm a real woman. I think that any man who is not attracted to a big woman is probably gay. I think that my husband is gay because he likes supermodels and skinny Hollywood actresses. Any real woman know that they are not real women.

Dr. Paternoster: Actually Rotunda, your husband, barring an addiction to Internet porn is quite normal. The majority of men are attracted to slender women.  Another significant percentage of men are attracted to voluptuous women but only a small percentage are attracted to obese women. This seems to cross all cultures.

Rotunda: What about the Venus Willendorf?  What about that?

Dr. Paternoster: What about it? 

Rotunda: The Venus of Willendorf proves that real men prefer real women.

Venus de Milo

Dr. Paternoster: If we were to follow that logic then the Venus of Milo proves that men like normal sized women with no arms. Surely you're not suggesting that one piece of prehistoric art dictates the entire sexual tastes of all mankind? The weight of evidence suggests when women are depicted in art that they are usually not fat. 

I employ a type of therapy the challenges certain assertions made by patients. The aim here is for patients to see the world in a rational way and to react to the world in a rational way. I am getting the impression so far that your husband is turned off by your appearance. Let me guess. I believe that when you married your husband you were shall we say, chubby but as time went on you continued to gain weight and eventually you cross the point to where your husband and most other men would find you attractive but out of love your husband still made love to but now you have reached such proportions that he finds your appearance revolting. Ms. Hindenburg your husband is not going to change. What he is feeling and reacting to is hardwired. You need to decide what's more important you, your current hedonistic lifestyle or your husband and your health.

If you would like I can refer you to a good bariatric clinic that uses diet and behavior modification to put fat people on track to lose weight and reform their lifestyle. We can continue here working on your fattitude and get some of the silly notions out of your head but you have to make that decision. Obviously the path that you are on is not working for you or your husband. I would be happy to see you both in couples counseling if you so desire.

Rotunda: MEN ARE EVIL!  

....stay tuned for part two to find out if our intrepid rotunda finds a fat friendly psychotherapist!


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