Friday, May 3, 2013

Fat Bastard's Favorite Things

Like most fat guys my two favorite things are food and skinny women but one of my other favorite things are dogs and the meaner the better.

What's black and brown and looks great on a Republican/child molester? A Doberman!

When it come to ass kicking dogs the go for the throat Doberman Pinscher is the Cadillac guard/attack of dogs. Some may argue that the German Shepherd is the consummate attack dog but in a fight the Doberman would make quick work of a German Shepherd and the Doberman has far more bite force. Dobermans also have a very intimidating look and bearing.

Dobermans instinctively go for the throat and don't let go. These dogs are killers.

Check out those impressive fangs and that powerful neck on this majestic flesh shedding machine. If this bad boy sinks his choppers into your carcass you will have about as much of a chance of surviving an attack as a chicken fried steak at a NAAFA convention.

When Dobermans growl people listen!




Don't get me wrong, there are other great attack dogs like the Rottweilers that possess one of the most powerful bites of all dogs as well as being very intimidating. Like the Doberman, the Rottweiler has plenty of knockdown power and it's a great finisher in a a combative situation.

Unleash the furry fury!
A Rottweiler's handiwork!
Another really vicious dog that few people have heard of is the Gordon Setter aka Scottish Setter. Normally when people think of setters they think of the goofy Irish Setter or the pain in the ass English Setter. While the Gordon Setter looks a lot like the English and Irish Setter it's temperament is quite different.

Don't let its dumb look fool you. Gordon Setters love to bite. If you have a problem with a neighbor's cat a Gordon Setter will make quick work of a cat.  These dog's are a cat's worst nightmare. Unlike its fearless English and Irish cousins this dog is fearless out of bravery and not stupidity. Turning an Irish Setter mean is nearly impossible but Gordon Setters can be meaner than cat piss and that's mean! Get a Gordon Setter pissed off enough and it will chew through a chain link fence!

A lot of breeders will tell you that Gordon Setters are good gun dogs and this is true but they will also go on to say that they are gentle and while they have a "soft mouth" they are also a good attack dog.


If you are looking for sheer size and power the Caucasian Shepherd is the juggernaut of attack/guard dogs. This horse size dog is nearly as big as the giant wolves in the movie Twilight. Nobody will fuck with you when they see you with monster dog. This great big son of a bitch will scare the shit out of anyone. While it may be true that it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog -- when a dog has both size and spirit it's a clear winner.

You can put a saddle on this bear-like canine and your kids can ride it. Don't let it's dumb look fool you powerful pooch can not only bite a bad guy it can knock him out cold.


It takes a monster BBW to handle this monster dog!



Enter the Pit Bull

The much maligned Pit bull can best be described as the all American all purpose dog. A Pitbull gives you a lot of bang for the buck. If you need to put the bite on some scumbag you can't do much better than a Pitbull. Many people are under the mistaken impression that the Pitbull's strength is it bite and locking jaw feature but what makes the Pitbull a true champ when it comes to attacking is its fierce tenacity and fearlessness. When on the attack  relentless Pitbull is the energizer bunny of dogs.

After hearing about how the honey badger can kill a Cape Buffalo these determined Pitbulls will not be outdone by a glorified rodent. These champions of chomp are out to prove that they are every bit a brave and ferocious as the legendary Honey Badger. Like the Honey Badger  Pit Bulls "don't give a shit."

Don't mistake a German Shepherd's licking of your face to be a doggy kiss. What he's actually doing is basting you for later!
Last but not least is the German Shepherd.

You can't go wrong with a German Shepherd, the industry standard for attack/guard dogs. A German Shepherd can slice and dice with the best of them. Rin Tin Tin may have been a pussy but most German Shepherds make outstanding attack dogs. While they may lack the tenacity of the Pitbull and power of the Rottweiler and Doberman, German Shepherds can be easily trained to neutralize most threats. German Shepherds and their Shepherd cousins are a total package.

What these dogs lack in size and ferociousness they make up for in speed, agility and intelligence.

Addendum: There is a lot of controversy regarding bite force in ft/lbs of the various breeds. Click here to read about the latest research regarding bite force of dogs.

Cops stealing a few winks after an exhaustive chase.
Update: There is a mistaken belief among security firms and law enforcement that the dog/canine is the only suitable service animal. This is wrong thinking. African use hyenas and hyenas have a bite force of 1100 PSI which is nearly twice that of a lion. The problem with hyenas is that they are not as smart as dogs and much tougher to train. Law enforcement has ignored the noble pig as a service animal. A boar is much stronger, tougher, meaner and smarter than a dog and what a boar lacks in speed it makes up in other areas.

Since most police departments employ cops who are nicknamed pigs by an admiring public the next logical step is to retire the dog to civilian use for the blind and disabled. With Americans increasing in weight a lowly German Shepherd lacks the oomph to take down most fatties. You have to meet bulk with bulk and pigs can get huge. Today's cops would be much better served and would serve the public better with pigs as back up. Can you imagine a dog trying to stop a raging BBW? An angry BBW can merely swat a dog aside like they do their bastard children.

Cops have now embraced the idea of being called pigs with PIG meaning Prestige Integrity and Guts.
High on the hog! Blue knight on a pink pig!

The pig can also replace the police horse. A cop chasing a suspect on a pig will have a quicker dismount and his mighty steed, the pig, then becomes an instant partner who can go onto tackling the criminal while the cop does the tazering and beating.

Dog about to get its ass kicked!

The Pigasus Project

Along with Alex Jones and Glenn Beck our investigative reporters Rotunda Hindenburg and Joe Eatin have uncovered the secretive Pigasus project. Think Obama's drones are bad? Flying pigs with Karl Rove's DNA are already spying on Americans. NATO and other forces plan to crash flying pigs into mosques making the harum to all Muslim by contaminating them with splattered pig remains. Code named Pigasus flying pigs are being deployed on every continent accept for Antarctica.


Pigasus is part of a multi-national global initiative whose purpose is not yet fully understood. We do know that flying pigs are already replacing the more expensive pilot-less drones. What their exact purpose in remains a mystery. We suspect this is some sort of secretive sow surveillance.

The Pig Dog!

This sire is a fat admirer.
A hybrid may be a solution.  A pig/dog hybrid has both the attributes of the pig and the dog and it could also serve as a good role model for today's law enforcement professional.

Experiments have been underway for years to create a successful pig/dog. Results so far have been promising but mixed.

In the Fat Acceptance movement skinny dogs have always humped sows especially at the NAAFA conventions siring bastard piglets.


 

From the same litter as the above dog


Cop DNA was used to create this creature but it would not stop gorging on donuts. Further research was abruptly abandoned.


Another failed experiment using cop DNA. This portly pooch to be put down because it robbed a Duncan Donuts and bit the manager.
 

There have been instances of fraud by some unscrupulous breeders (mostly from Monsanto) looking for government grant money!
Pig's curly tail and snout but much too small.
Early attempt at creating Pigmandog. Research has since been abandoned.
Dr Gus Guttner and researcher Hedda Hogs of Eatmore Labs

Catastrophic Failure

Another promising outcome?
Pigs and dogs are natural lovers!







The Man Pig Bear





LAPD is already experimenting with chimera and currently 75% of LAPD cops already have significant amounts of pig DNA... mostly in their brains.




If a police officer gets killed in the line of duty instead of having one of those boring cop funerals with those annoying bagpipes have a hog roast.



9 comments:

  1. I like dogs because they are good at eating food and biting bad guys.

    I am thinking about getting one of those giant dogs, and a chihuahua and breeding them, to make some weird combo. It's weird how they are all the same species but they look so different.

    Do they put real dog in hot dogs? Or? I dunno.

    I am undergoing a Belly Boy Fast currently. I have not eaten in 5 days, and I think that so far I have probably lost about 40 pounds. I am trying to get my weight down so that I can walk easily again... I have been having problems off and on again and am undergoing a lot of physical therapy. I know that for me I want to be big, but it's more important for me to be able to walk.

    For years I thought that being immobile was the way to go, but the reality is that modern video games just aren't good enough to make up for not being able to walk. Right now I use a bariatric walker to get around and it is extremely difficult. I have to shit on a large bedpan on the floor and my butler wipes my ass clean with an Ass Rag, which is one of the few pleasures of my life, along with Qing giving me daily prostate massages "for medicinal purposes only" which means that it is not in any way gay. Also she's a woman so that makes it not gay. It is still okay to be gay though. But I, BELLY BOY, am straight just like Theodore "The Big Dipper" Bear, F.A.T. (Fantastic Artist and Teacher).

    I have been interviewed recently by some producers and it is possible that I could be the subject of a new TV special. I can't talk about it too much but if this goes through, I could actually earn money from something other than just getting gifts, which would be cool. Maybe I could buy a race car or something. I want to be good with my money and not waste on porterhouse steaks and lobster rolls.

    BELLY BOY, OUT

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  2. Brilliant idea about the dog breeding but which dog would be the sire (mack daddy dog) the big and which one would be the bitch (the little dog? ...and would the father dog be the mack daddy dog or the daddy mack or would it be the dog daddy or the daddy dog. Auggie Doogy and Doggie Daddy----????

    I think you know the answer to whether they put dogs in hot dogs and of course the answer is yes. Read your history Belly Boy, when Marco Polo brought spaghetti back from China to Italy he also brough back the hot dog and the Italians could not afford to use dog meat for they used wild boar and called it sausage. The original Chinese hotdog was small like the Chinese penis. Italian on the other hand are hung like horses hence the name Itallian Stallion and as we both know Italian sausage is HUGE. Italians are lovers so they have a lot of names for their wedding tackle and on of them is Bologna.

    Your fasting disturbs me. What about HAES or Health At Every Size? The problem is not your fat, The problem is gravity. Gravity is the enemy! Gravity SUCKS! Gravity SUCKS! Gravity SUCKS! Gravity SUCKS! Gravity SUCKS!Gravity SUCKS!

    Maybe you can have Qing and the butler give you constant colonics aimed that the prostate. This way you will process food faster. Dr Bear may have some excellent advice in this area. When I want sex I hire a skinny hooker to ride or blow me. I have to many hemorhoids from shitting big cheese logs so anal play is not something I'm into.

    TV? Belly Boy a celeb? OINK! OINK! OINK! Belly Boy you would not just be the subject of a show, you would be they whole show. I think you should have your own fat centric variety/talk show. Call it The Meal with you host Belly Boy. Have guests like Rachel Ray, and that hot MILF Paula Deen. Feature singers like Carnie Wilson, Ruben Studdard ect... No skinny male guests!!

    I will be updating this article and discussing the possibility of using attack pigs instead of dogs. As you know the smartest animal is the pig. Big hogs can also grow tusks.

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    Replies
    1. OINK OINK OINK!!

      I was thinking that the male dog would have to be the tiny one, and the big dog would be the female. Or I should breed a new breed of super fat dogs.

      Thank you for the history lesson. I didn't know that!

      Health At Every Size... isn't that NAAFA nonsense? Or is it true? Or do you mean just be as healthy as you can be for your weight? I just want to be able to walk freely again, and majestically walk around, and not have so much effing pain in my knees every time I stand up, where it feels like I'm Nancy Kerrigan or Robert Griffin III. OINK OINK OUCH OUCH!!

      If I have too much prostate stimulation that would be bad. I need enough to clear it out and give me a Belly Boy Orgasm, but much like you I have severe hemorrhoids, as do almost all people who are or ever were severely obese. It is another flaw of the human body. I need to eat tremendous amounts of fiber every day in addition to Belly Boy Burgers, when I am on my feed. I will go back on my feed in another few days, and make sure to eat a few Fiber Boy Bars as well as Belly Boy Burgers, and a Pizza Boy Pizza.

      That pizza involves taking two large pepperoni pizzas, and putting them on top of each other face to face. BUT, inside, sandwiched between, are 3 sliced hot dogs in between each slice, strips of bacon, and a fried egg on every slice as well.

      I have been watching "Epic Meal Time" on YouTube, and I think that it is must-see viewing for all Bigger Fatter Politics readers.

      I also want you to know that I have converted from Faedarism. I am not Catholic again. So, please respect my Belly Boy beliefs. Rev. Lard Ass is becoming radicalized, far too extreme for me, and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. HIs concubines have been taking up rotating residences in Nevada, where they are legal prostitutes, pay taxes, etc. They get to keep all the money from it, but I don't like that he's encouraging these 20 year old girls to do that. He also has been distributing a lot of anti-skinny people literature, meanwhile he is not fat at all anymore. He's become a big hypocrite. I think the pressure from the feeders has gotten to him, he has private eyes following him all the time, and his life is like a big spy movie now, except also filled with lots of concubines.

      If my prostate gets massaged too much it will cause problems. What I need is an Ass Salve to make it less irritating to my ass. One of the big problems of why I struggle to walk is that the roids are so inflamed all the time, and when I wake up in the morning I am bleeding like crazy into my diaper.

      So far the show would just document what it is like to live at my weight, and "my struggle to lose the weight" which is the only way that they will do the show. They don't want to do it as "I like being this weight". If it goes well and it gets good ratings then maybe I could go on Dr. Oz or something, and maybe MAYBE get my own daily talk show. Maybe. Or maybe I should start a YouTube talk show or a podcast, and interview fat celebrities as well as thin women, talking about whether they'd like to be with Penn Jillette (fat magician, who is also in an open marriage) or maybe with comedian Louie "Mouthstrong" Anderson. Stuff like that. And obviously Paula Deen would feed me her famous Butter Brownies (sticks of butter that have been lightly dusted with Betty Crocker brownie mix powder).

      OINK OINK OINK.

      We need attack pigs.

      BELLY BOY, OUT

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  3. The have tried breeding super fat dogs and like us fatling all they want to do is eat and sleep. That's nice if you want a docile pet but when it comes to other dog behavior it is undesireable.

    As to the super dog I'm thinking hyena, Timber Wolf and African wild dog DNA into a pig or a Bull Mastiff. It would require gene splicing.

    As to HAES, it was invented by a woman named Linda Bacon... I shit you not! If with a name like Smuckers it has to be good so with a name like Bacon I think the same would follow. I have never know HAES to work on a non NAAFA member and their is only anecdotal evidence that it works. We know that EATT Eat All The Time works and FATT (Food All The Time) works. Look what it has done for you, me, and Dr Bear!! EATT and FATT are simpler versions of face. HAES talks a lot of theory but does not make it clear what the subject is supposed to do which it... EAT ALL THE TIME... When we are eating we are stress free and since stress is the leading destroyer of health it only make sense that eating all the time is far better than 3 meals a day plus 3 snacks. Here are some articles from my men's NAAFA site geared to eating that my help your understanding of this issue.

    I, Fat Bastard, have written extensively on the health benefits of hyper gluttony.

    http://naafa.blogspot.com/2013/04/feed-me-more-medical-feederism.html

    http://naafa.blogspot.com/2013/04/weight-loss-surgery-nightmare-or.html

    http://naafa.blogspot.com/2013/04/sleep-apnea-is-good-for-you-and-its-sexy.html

    http://naafa.blogspot.com/2013/04/gluttonous-objectivism-or-why-fat.html

    http://naafa.blogspot.com/2013/03/chocolate-covered-bacon.html

    http://naafa.blogspot.com/2012/06/obesity-and-gluttony-is-good-for-your.html

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  4. I have yet to review Epic Meal. My all time favorite You Tuber is Big Fat RRRRRRRRRRRRRRReverend Burn. He's pure class and a wonderful role/roll model. If I had a skinny sister I'd want her to marry him!

    Catholic huh? They do a lot of fasting but then they have the Feast of the Emaculate conception and lot's of priests are fat. However, the Catholic Church has a mixed record on fat friendliness. I mean stand, sit, kneel, genuflect, stand, sit, kneel genuflect rinse and repeat. Hell if I wanted that I'd take an aerobics class. Give me that old time relgion, eg, Southern Baptist. They are the fattest and most food centric Christian church in the world. They have the best chruch picnics anywhere.

    I am sad to hear that Rev BLA has become radicalized. I hope he's not heading in a Jim Jones, David Koresh or Marshall Applewhite direction or becoming a fat jihadist. Imagine the carnage that would ensue if he took his cult members to a crowded event and had them simultaneously ignite their farts. That could blow the roof of the Astrodome.

    It sounds like Rev BLA is taking a page from Rev Moon's playbook with his use of hookers. In the Moonie cult they were called flirty fishermen. BUT I have to admire him for combining sex and religion. If I were to start a church it would be the Church of the perpetual blowjob and buffet.

    Roids suck. They are an occupational hazzard of gluttony. Our mouths are working overtime and so are our assholes. Maybe you should get a colostomy bag so that you can spare your asshole all that work. Maybe you could sell the poo to gardeners and farmers as fertliizer. Have the bags printed with the name Belly Boy's Best.

    Back to religion: Why not start your own? A lot of people have. Combine food, lady boys, hip hop, skinny Asian Godesses, and call it Trans Boom Shakalakiaism.

    Back to the prostate issue: I know that they make spinal cord stimulators, and appetite stimulation and supression devices. Why not go have to Thailand an have a prostate stimulator installed with a remote control unit? That way nobody will mess with your roids. Just turn on the stimulator unit and bust a nut anytime you want!

    Boom Shakalaka turn on the juice
    Boom Shakalaka no anal goose
    Boom Shakalaka lady boy slut
    Boom Shakalaka bust a nut

    Belly Boy shoots a stream of his own version of Cream of Sum Yung Gi all over the audience and shouts, "look ma no hands" , drops the mic, waves to the crowd, does a burn out with his power chair, pops a wheelie and another boner and exits the stage only to return for a series of encores.

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  5. Here is a tribute to you Belly Boy.

    http://naafa.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-wisdom-of-belly-boy.html

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  6. UNNNNNGH!!

    Ohhhhhhhhh!!

    I just emptied out my prostate. It needed to be cleansed. My GF gave it a good rubbing with her latest technology, which is a special prostate massaging wand that is harnessed to the user's pelvis. It is phallus-shaped, but that is only because it is scientifically proven that that is the correct shape for stimulating that region. It's just good, basic science.

    I am glad that you are sharing my wisdom, and I think that more needs to be done in that regard. I like reading things that I forgot I wrote, and then I think "Wow, this guy is a genius!" And then I realize that it's me.

    Like when I gave my famous "Lard is your lover" speech a year or two or three ago, that was pretty solid right there.

    BELLY BOY, OUT

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    Replies
    1. Intellectuals solve problems but geniuses like you prevent them. Bigger Fatter Politics likes to give credit where credit is due.

      Delete

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