Monday, July 8, 2013

The New Hostess Twinkie Scandal

Hostess To Start Freezing Some Twinkies Before Shipping Them 

Hostess will begin freezing some of its Twinkies before shipping them when it re-releases the highly-anticipated pastries this month, the company confirmed to The Huffington Post on Friday.

In an emailed statement, Hostess spokeswoman Hannah Arnold said that the decision was made after a small percentage of the company’s retail customers explicitly requested frozen versions of the treat, which will allow companies to “date the product for freshness,” while providing “flexibility in filling their shelves.”

Any retail customer will still be able to request non-frozen Twinkies, and the company maintains freezing Twinkies will have “no impact on the quality or taste” of the product.

“Any suggestion that Hostess is changing the integrity of the iconic snack cakes consumers have loved is completely untrue,” Arnold wrote. “The new ownership is absolutely committed to baking top quality snack cakes and, in fact, is making major investments to ensure that Hostess products are as good, if not even better, than before.” BULLSHIT!

Sources told the New York Post, which first reported the news, that they feared the new freezing process could threaten the product’s integrity and future popularity. IT DOES!

Hostess filed for bankruptcy in early 2012, after which investment firm Metropoulos & Co. swooped in to buy Twinkies and other Hostess snacks in 2013.

Last month it was announced that Twinkies would be back on shelves by July 15.

I Fat Bastard am PISSED! I need Belly Boy to talk me down!

 

 

 

3 comments:

  1. OOOOIIIIIINK!!

    I just croNUTTED reading this article!

    Belly Boy, out

    ReplyDelete
  2. OOPS! I meant to put that on the cronut page. Whatever.

    Anyway, I am torn about this revelation. On the one hand, it's going to lead to awful twinkies, that are below the standards to which we are all accustomed. The real twinkie is filled with delicious preservatives that eliminate any need for it to be refrigerated. Real twinkies don't rot because bacteria do not recognize them as food. The cream is made out of hydrogenated vegetable oils that are specially processed, making it taste great and also help to narrow your arteries, which enhances blood flow. The narrower your arteries are, the faster blood moves through them, meaning it gets to where it needs to go faster, meaning your body is more efficient!

    The new twinkies seem to have a changed formula, otherwise they would not go through the expense and trouble of freezing them. They must have removed some preservatives. Whether this will lead to better taste or worse taste remains to be seen.

    On the other hand, any change of the formula is a deviation from the Twinkie Standard. Therefore, it has to be inferior. It is an imposter twinkie. Therefore, my stash of Original Twinkies is going to be worth even more!! I have resumed selling them, and now get about $15 - $20 per box. OINK.

    We also have to be aware that this could all be a pretext, just like when Coke came out with New Coke. It caused such an uproar that then people missed the original, and sales of that rocketed up after they brought it back.

    BELLY BOY

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The good news for you is that your impressive cache of classic Twinkies are only going to appreciate in value. The fact that they are Belly Boy certified only makes them more valuable.

      There maybe Twinkie riots whrn these imposter Twinkies are released.

      I recall you saying that we should be on the Twinkie standard and now I don't think any economist can doubt your wisdom.

      I can't see how freezing the Twinkie and replacing the hydrogenated oils and preservatives and then freezing them can do anything to enhance the flavor. The freshness of the classic Twinkie can be guaranteed for decades. These counterfeit Twinkies will have a very limited shelf life and I am quite certain that the flavor will wane in less than a day. I am not optimistic about these new "Twinkies".

      I will be conducting extensive testing of the New Twinkie and I will be contacting the world's foremost authority on the Twinkie, BIG FAT RRRRRRRRRRRRRReverend Burn for his expert evaluation.

      Delete

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