Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Jesus Face Palm


  1. Good morning Fat Bastardo!!!

    Uh . . . all I can say is . . . . .



    Oh! I suppose you heard the GOOD NEWS!!!

    Fred Phelps, the pastor of Westboro Baptist Church is DEAD!!!

    Yeah! He's kicked the bucket and bought the farm! He's pushing up daises! He's now worm food! He's as dead as an Egyptian door nail!

    Another words, he has pointed the toes of his boots up toward Orion!
    (New euphemism I invented myself. Sometimes, at this time of the year Orion appears straight overhead)

    Yeah! He's taking a dirt nap! He has checked into the Horizontal Hilton! Another words, he's checked into the Motel Deep 6!!!

    If they had given Fred Phelps an enema before he died, they could have buried him in a match box! (I stole that one from Christopher Hitchens, from his reference to Jerry Falwell's death. I don't think The Hitch will mind)

    Anyway . . . . .

    As you know, I've become more and more agnostic, meaning that I don't know if there is a God or not. Certainly NOT the God of the BUY-BULL!!!

    Also, I don't know if there is an afterlife or not. I don't believe in the Christian doctrine of a bodily resurrection, because some of the atoms that make up our bodies once belonged to somebody else living many centuries ago.

    Also, when you drink a glass of water from your tap, it was once dinosaur piss from 60 million years ago!

    I would much rather believe in reincarnation instead.

    But, if anyone deserves Hell, it's Fred Phelps! Yeah! I would like to think that he's down in The Smokey Pokey doing the hot foot dance, and sucking Hitler's cock!

    Or better still . . . . . that he is reincarnated in his next life as a big fat Jewish lesbian, an obese apple-shaped bull dyke lesbian, with a shaved head, who becomes a female Army officer, and eventually becomes an astronaut, and also, is cursed to remember her previous life as the male pastor, Fred Phelps, to learn from his past mistakes.

    That would serve him right, because, he hated gays and lesbians, and he hated our soldiers who fought and died in Afghanistan and Iraq, and he hated the space shuttle astronauts, saying that they all deserved to die.

    Yeah! He really had the love of JEEZZASS in his heart!

    Teddy Bear

    1. This may come as a surprise but I am sad that the old fucker is dead. Westboro Baptist is biblically correct. Leviticus 20:13 actually tells people to kill homosexuals and the apologist Christards can't deny that. None of them had the balls to debate Fred and his crazy daughter Shirley.

      Shirley would make a great man hating strap on wielding bull dyke but I think Fred should come back as a super gay male interior decorator with a lisp and a well stretched asshole.

    2. Good evening Fat Bastardo!!!

      Well, I'm not sad the Fred Phelps is dead! I'm very happy about that!

      I even celebrated his passing with a double shot of Old Crow Kentucky Bourbon and a nice big fat 7 inch long cigar!

      But, I must say, I do like your reincarnation scenario.

      I think I can add to that.

      In his next life, being reincarnated, not only as a gay male interior decorator, light in the loafers, limp-wristed and lisping, and all that, but also pirouetting about in a little shocking-pink tutu and wearing lavender ballet slippers, with little bells on them!

      And going . . .Oh my goodnith!!!

      And also . . . getting butt-banged and butt-sore twice every day and thrice on Sundays!

      And . . . being cursed with having to remember his previous life as Fred Phelps!

      Ya see, I can be a real prick at times!

      OK, I'm a real prick, all the time!!!

      But, Westboro Baptist is NOT actually biblically correct.

      Because . . . if it was, their woman would not be allowed to speak in the congregation. The women must remain silent, and if their children misbehaved, they would take their children to the outskirts of the city, and have them stoned to death!

      Also, they would have to stop wearing cloth woven of two different kinds of threads. So, polyester is out.

      And, they would have to stop eating lobster, crabs, shrimp, and shellfish, and catfish because they don't have scales.

      And they're suppose to honer and obey their parents, and yet, hate their parents, and their brothers and sisters, and love only Jesus.

      Oh! Contradictions! Contradictions! And more contradictions, up the whazoo!

      Yeah! The BUY-BULL really is a contradictory piece of BULLSHIT!!!

      Teddy Bear

    3. Fred Phelps gave a lot of Christians constipation because all his crazy views and hate is supported 100% by the Bible. They can't refute his claims and still believe that the the BUY BULL as you put is is the inerrant Word of God,

      The Bible is the Turd of God.


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