Sunday, August 30, 2015

Introducing Slenderella

Bigger Fatter Politics is proud to announce the addition of another contributor and reporter. Ladies and gentlemen fatlings thinlings and inbetweenlings meet Slenderella. Due to jealous angry fat people gunning down reporters Slenderalla has requested that she remain anonymous. Only I, Fat Bastardo, know her true identity.

The abstemious Slenderella will be bringing a sharp edged acumen to Bigger Fatter Politics that is often lacking in the often maladroit mainstream media reporting. Her straight forward and balanced tenor is the cornerstone of Bigger Fatter Politics and this is why we have her on staff.

While interviewing Slenderella and after my boner subsided and the blood rushed back from my dick to my brain some meticulous Latinity came into my brain with the phrase compos mentis which means mentally sound. Once again I was on the verge of losing my composure but luckily I got and urgent call from the Chef who is working on a Black lives matter report and I was able to keep my cool and impress Slenderella. With that I shook her hand and welcomed her to the Bigger Fatter Politics family.


Slenderella: Hotter than any Fox propagandist. 

Like our other slender female reporter, Miss Jenna Talia, Slenderella has also been a victim of terrorist attacks and threats by angry jealous fat girls as well as unwanted sexual advances from fat feminists man-hating lesbians so for that reason we are keeping her true identity hidden.




Curriculum Vitae for Slenderella
Reporter UPI and AP Credentialed
xxxx Lithesome Street
Birmingham, AL
T: XXX-XXX-XXXX
M: 0777 000 0000
E: xxxxxxxxxxx@xxxx.xxxx
PERSONAL SUMMARY

A responsible and committed journalist who displays an ability to write balanced, informative and interesting stories that give all involved parties an opportunity to have their say. A quick learner who can absorb new ideas and can communicate clearly and effectively. Possessing excellent bonding skills and an enquiring mind that helps to win over the confidence of people. Multi skilled with a ability to build strong working relationships with fellow investigators, photographers, columnists  and news editors. Currently looking for a suitable role in journalism with a reputable and exciting publisher.

CAREER HISTORY

Local newspaper
JOURNALIST     -    May 2008 - Present
Working as a investigative reporter as part of a team of writers, providing full coverage of local political and economic events.

Duties:
  • Conducting interviews with readers, sources and anyone directly involved in a story.
  • Quickly collecting and analyzing information on any breaking news stories.
  • Writing features and news stories and then submitting them to the editor before publication.
  • Involved in picture selection and the layout design of a page.
  • Attending press launches, meetings and conferences etc.
  • Answering the telephone on the news desk and dealing with any enquiries.
  • Contacting victims of crime and persons who may have a news story.
  • Following up leads for potential new stories.
  • Sourcing and interviewing professionals, victims and academics for case studies and comments.
  • Conducting interviews in person and over the phone.
  • Deciding on the content for stories.
  • Coming up with catchy headings for features.
  • Editing copy.
  • Reviewing products and services and then writing pieces about them.
  • Producing marketing and promotional material for the publication.
  • Responding quickly and professionally to tip offs.
PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

Journalism competencies
  • Ability to writing interesting articles for targeted niche audiences.
  • Can work to tight rolling deadlines.
  • Knowledge of writing about a range of topics including; crime, travel, sports, employment, health and fitness, education, relationships, the economy and culture.
  • Can deal with aggressive individuals and hostile situations.
  • Thorough knowledge of both print and broadcast new media.
  • Experience across a range of local, regional and national press.
  • Up to date with all current affairs and local, national and international news.
  • Ability to write creative and interesting articles.
  • Command of the English language.
  • Research skills.
  • Proficient in all MS Office tools and the latest journalistic software.
  • Contributing articles, comments and opinion pieces to the newspapers website.
  • Ability to write up notes in shorthand.
  • Can absorb and organise large amounts of complex information quickly.
  • Fully aware of all current laws and regulations relating to journalism.
Personal
  • Willingness to learn.
  • Inquisitive by nature.
  • Excellent communication skills and able to relate to people from all social backgrounds.
  • Able to deal with setbacks and rejections.
  • Persistence.
  • Ability to build contacts so as to maintain a flow of information in the future.
KEY COMPETENCIES AND SKILLS

Reporting
Copywriting
Feature writing
keyboard skills
Freelancing
Interviewing
Investigating
Proof reading
Client liaison
Public relations
Asking questions

ACADEMIC QUALIFICATIONS

Svelte College at New House         2005 - 2008
BA (Hons) Media Studies

Temperance School or Journalism              2003 - 2005
A levels:     Maths (b)   English (A)   Physics (B)

HOBBIES AND INTERESTS

Fitness and health
Dance
Gardening


REFERENCES - Available on request.



Welcome to Bigger Fatter Politics Slenderella.

9 comments:

  1. Fat Bastardo you make me blush. ; -)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow Fat Bastardo, you found a real gem. She's has some great credentials.... if you know what I mean. BOING!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't be a wise ass Proud FA. I hired her for her journalistic no how and professionalism and not just her sexy thigh gap.

      Delete
    2. Fat Bastardo, how did Rotunda Hindenberg react when you hired Slenderella?

      Delete
    3. Rotunda has the hots for Slenderella. Fat girls like to eat fresh clean pussy.

      Delete
  3. I look forward to reading what she has to say! : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I took her to an all you can eat buffet to observe the fat girls during a feeding frenzy. She was scared! She's being treated for PTSD now. Damn! I should have prepared her better. She's seen a school of sharks tear apart and devour a SCUBA diver but she said this this was the most disturbing thing she's ever seen. I have to admit I was pretty scared myself. A pod of hungry land whales and pork beasts is scarier than the devil himself.

      Delete
    2. Fat girls can be brutal. They are most dangerous when they are feeding.

      Delete

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