Fat Bastard's Curriculum Vitae

Now for Fat Bastard's curriculum vitae
I Fat Bastard am willing to give total support to the organization that I am in, with the experience and capability that I have, in order to achieve organization’s goals and create mutual benefits.

Education

Bloat College of Of Food Science, Hamburger City, IA
Bachelor of Arts, Food Sciences magna cum laude, May 1989

Western Egg Sandwich University, McDonalds, IL
Ph.D., Culinary Psychology and Biological Belching, December 1991

Ovine University, Gourmand, TX
Ph.D., Food Psychology and Advanced Gluttony, May 1993

RESEARCH EXPERIENCE:

Fat Kid's Memorial Hospital, Chicago IL
Department of Junkfoodinology, Supervisor: Dr. Gerald "Teddy" Bear
KFC University Medical School, San Antonio TX, Department of Foodiatrics, Advisor: Dr. Belly Boy Research Associate
Perform genetic analysis of mutations causing hormone-independent signaling
of the human gluttony receptor.

TEACHING EXPERIENCE:

 IHOP College, Flapjack Heights, IL
 Adjunct instructor

Taught Introductory Foodology with laboratory/kitchen (food biology, genetics panniculus growth and evolution).

Taught undergraduate Pignetics with laboratory. Developed course outline and objectives,
selected specific food to eat, selected required fast food restaurant, wrote and presented menus, and administered Hiemlich maneuvers and CPR, developed, judged and graded pie eating contests and pig out projects.


Full professor and department head Eatmore College, Frankfurt, GA assistant to the Dean of Feederism Proud FA (pioneered the study of feeding and social habits of terra orcus land whales and sus bestia pork beasts)


Professor Emeritus, Grazenhiemer Baros Univesity, Bon Bon Germany, Colleague of Professor Otto Toot  (Directed and developed  fattitudinal personality development program as part of the overall fat studies curriculum)  (Directed studies for the fat sexuality program focusing on porking fat girls vs boning skinny C chicks with professor Professor Su We Sow and assistant Professor Chang Wang Chow, and clinical researcher Dr Eaton Swagbelliman)



FELLOWSHIPS AND AWARDS:
American Glutton Society postdoctoral fellowship
Postdoctoral traineeship, Farting Biology Training Grant, University of Chicago
Rotunda Hindenberg Pork Beast Institute Pre-doctoral Fellowship

CURRENT

Founder of NIFAM New International Fat Acceptance Movement and NAFAM New American Fat Acceptance Movement.

Created a simplified version of  HAES eating plans. EATT (Eat All The Time) and FATT (Food All The Time).

Assisted Reverend Big Lard Ass in instituting the Grazenhiemer Method for Advanced Gluttony.

Working to develop a Chair Aerobics and Combined Eating Program called EFE or Eating For Exercise.

On the board of directors for Reach Back There, a company that is developing a butt wiping device aka butt wand for fat folks who "can't reach back there"

On the board of directors for King Size Coffin a bariatric casket company.

On the board of directors for Vein O Rooter a medical device company that makes vascular augers.

On the board of directors for Mammoth Image Diagnostics that makes medical imaging equipment for Sea World and other Aquatic and Land Whale facilities.

Publications and dissertations 

Eat Like a Pig Smoke Like a Chimney: Let Doctors Worry About Your Health. It's Their Job. Publisher: Slimon & Shyster 2001 ISBN 3365882

Gluttony IS Good, May 1999 Gormandizer Monthly

EAT! EAT!! EAT!!! July 15 1997  Glutton Pride

Vegetables Are What Food Eats, Publisher Full Course Press 2003 ISBN 87365-22

Boning Skinny Chicks VS Porking Fat Girls, A radio debate with The Dean of Feedersim

Fat Bastard's Third Heart Attack (Can be found on many online zines)

Fat Girls Are Sluts: Google Proves It, July 2009 (Article in Sexy Sow Plumpers)

Fatty at the Fat: Eating the New American Pastime (June 2010, The Fat Athlete)

Why I Published My CV

I, Fat Bastard published my CV to silence the naysayers and critics of the new fat acceptance! That's why!

That's Not A Knife. This is Knife. That's Not a BBW. This Is a BBW.

This is a knife!!

 

Not a knife

That's Not A Knife. This is Knife. That's Not a BBW. This Is a BBW.

Some people have a strange idea what a BBW is. What a BBW was 30 years ago and what one is now has changed dramatically. If a fat guy is able to pork a woman then she is NOT I repeat NOT a BBW.

Crocodile Dundee explaining to his squeeze and a thug what a knife is.

Mick he has a knife! That's not a knife, this is a knife. Let's turn this into a teaching moment. I, Fat Bastard will be presenting some BBW, Plumpers, Chubs, SSBBW's Pork Beast and Land Whales as a way to clear up the misconception as to what a BBW really is.

This is a plumper. If she is still porkable by most fat guys and  has a waist and minimal ham arms, it's a PLUMPER!

This is a Chub. If a fat guy can pork it it's a Chub. If its tits stick out as far as its gut it's a Chub

This is a BBW. Most fat guys would have a tough time porking her. There are probably chronic yeast infections and yeasty fat folds.

This one could go either way. Some experts may describe this as a land whale pup

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This is a pork beast. Only the most dedicated fat admirer could get with this. Pork beasts become gender ambiguous. Their tits often resemble man boobs and many of them are diesel and bull dykes. Be afraid! Be very afraid! These pork beasts cause more buried penis syndrome than a grade 5 panniculus  aka meat skirt.

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This is a atypical pork beast or a fat drag queen. Notice the beginning of a split pannus aka meat skirt. This big bellied babe has a meat face and a meat skirt.

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This is an SSBBW. The distinction between SSBBW and land whale has always been a subject for heated debate. Land whales often travel in pods and see skinny guys and buffets as their krill. There is no way a fat guy can pork an SSBBW!

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These are land whales. They are in a pod and they are either saying "We're number one" Land whales can be very confident,  They are saying their combined weigh is 1 ton or they want one more box of Twinkies.

.

I hope this clear things up.



Now for some more images.

Land whales foraging.

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SSBBW getting liquored up and ready for her fat admirer

Land whale? BBW? SSBBW? Or in transition?

Now for something to soothe the eyes!