Friday, October 10, 2014

Jann Arden Slender Then Fat Now Slender

While throat blubber may make some singers better it probably was not working for Jann Arden
Like Ann Wilson and Wynnona Judd,  Jann Arden porked out but unlike Ann Wilson and Wynnona Jann Arden deblimped  and dropped 60 pounds of fat girl blubber but of course jealous angry fat girls are accusing the once again HOT Jann Arden of being a weight loss sell out.

I, Fat Bastardo will opine and oinkpine and ovine and opig.

Not everyone is thrilled with Jann Arden's recent shedding of 60 pounds. 

While some cheer, others are bizarrely betrayed. This last set, I reckon, consider Jann to be something like the Bob Rae of the Rubenesque brigade.

Much like that notable New Democrat-turned-Liberal, she's accused of having switched allegiances, become a turncoat, broken the faith. Fat being, as it so often is, a matter of politics.

Fat Bastardo's Op Ed: Fat girls are pissed because Jann looks hot again and they don't. Maybe that extra 60 pounds of blubber was  causing Jann some health problems. Maybe it was have a detrimental affect on her singing?

"Weight is an emotional issue," she herself elaborates. "And some people are mad at me. 'You sold out. You caved under pressure.' "

Plumped up Jann Arden with more Chins than Chinatown!

The singer-songwriter gives the skinny in a new cover story in Chatelaine. The writer of the article, Katrina Onstad, shades in the rest: "Weight loss is complicated for an artist who trades in self-acceptance and has a huge female following for making no apologies about being large." So, why and how?

Image result for Jann Arden Fat
When angry jealous fat girls could not seduce Jann with food. They force fed her!

Characteristically cheeky, the awesome Arden zings, "I just looked in the mirror and thought, man, I haven't seen a cheekbone in so long."

Old-fashioned healthy eating and committed jogging did the trick, she says.

And so we have it -- a photo in Chatelaine that has Jann Arden looking all sultry and smoky and even a bit, if you blink, like Britain's Jemina Khan! So no, Jann, it's true what they say about pleasing all of the people. And yes, we're keen to hear your new album, out early next year.

Oh, and just one more thing: Our Calgarian chanteuse says that she for sure gets the fat gene from her dad's part of the family. Mom's side "are like sparrows," and as she goes on to chuckle, "I look at my father and I curse his sperm!"

Fat Bastado's Op Ed: Typical! Blame it on a man!

Jann Arden hot and skinny again!

A lot of misandrist fat girls love Jann Arden because of her hit song Insensitive. 


How do you cool lick your lips, after a summer's kiss slice of pie?
How do you rid the sweat, after the body bliss between your thunder thighs?
How do you turn your eyes, from the romantic glare that hot skinny guy?
How do you block the sound of  your doctor's voice
You'd know anywhere?

Oh, I really should've known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face that told me
Maybe you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive not so fat
Insensitive  NOT so FAT
Insensitive NOT SO FAT!

How do you numb your skin purge your gut, after the warmest touch you ate too much?
How do you slow your blood your eating, after the body rush at the all you can eat buffet?
How do you free your soul, feed your face after you've found a friend the pie
How do you teach your heart belly it's a crime to fall in love again to be a glutton again?

Oh, you probably won't remember me be fucking me
It's probably ancient history My crotch is way too yeasty
I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue shape, I'm out of touch to eat
I fell eat too fast, I feel eat too much
I thought that you might have some diet advice to give
On how to be insulin insensitive

Oh, I really should've known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness disgust in your eyes, your casual goodbyes the sweat between my thighs
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face that told me
Maybe you might have some advice to give
On how to be insulin insensitive


Jann Arden

That scarf you are wearing Jann and the black shirt ain't hiding the fact that YOU ARE FAT! I bet this makes all the angry jealous fat girls happy know their heroine is just like them! The fat girls are oinking their approval. OINK!

Clearly Jann, it is time for some tough love and some common sense. Stop being a lousy role/roll model for your loser fans! Grow up fat girl. You are as disgusting as Adele.

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