The following is a comment by Obesity Studies expert, social commentator, fat activist, cartoonist, fat nutritionist and all aROUND great guy Dr Gerald Teddy Bear.
"Dr" Bear is like the Merrill Lynch of fat experts. When Teddy talks fatlings put down their Twinkies and listen or certainly eat more slowly.
Fatlings everywhere I, Fat Bastard, present Teddy Bear!
Good evening Fat Bastard!
OK, here's some more obese terminology.
You know that we pear-shaped obese males, how many of us have that great big groin area below the waist, and how, in extreme cases, that it hangs down over a shrunken penis and down over the thighs making it physically impossible to have an erection.
By the way . . . I like how that feels!
And, in the case of obese apple-shaped males, the upper-belly above the waist hangs down over the waistband of the pants, causing the pants to slide half-way down on a smaller butt, and in more extreme cases, the upper belly protrudes out far forward, and sort of rises up under the chest exerting pressure on the heart.
Well, here's my proposed terminology . . .
For the pear-shaped male with a huge low-hanging groin area below the waist, it should be called . . .
THE LOW-HANGING-UN-MANNING-FEMINIZING-PENIS-CRUSHER!!!
And for the apple-shaped obese male with the huge round ball-shaped belly rising up under his chest, and hanging down over the front of his pants, it should be called . . .
THE HIGH-RISING-LOW-HANGING-PANTS-DROPPING-HEART-STOPPER!
So, here are a couple of examples of how those terms can be used when meeting someone with those bodily features.
Example 1:
While walking the streets, you approach and extremely obese pear-shaped guy with broad hips, big thighs, and that huge lower-groin area hanging down over his short fat thighs, and you say to him "Hey Dude! That sure is one great big LOW-HANGING-UN-MANNING-FEMINIZING-PENIS-CRUSHER you have there"! If somebody were to say that to me, I would respond with "Why, thank you! I like it myself! I like the way if feels"!
Example 2:
While walking along the beach, you approach and extremely obese apple-shaped guy with a huge round ball-shaped belly that rises up under his chest, and hangs down over the front of his shorts causing his shorts to slide half-way down on his butt, exposing his butt-crack, and you say to him, "Hey Dude! That is one really great big humongous HIGH-RISING-LOW-HANGING-PANTS-DROPPING-HEART-STOPPER you're carrying around in front of you"! To which you might reply "Why thank you! I like it very much! It took many years of gluttony and drinking lots of beer to build this up"!
I'm sure, that hose of us who embrace gluttony, and love obesity, that we would take such terms had high complements!
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| You call this a burger? Where's the fucking BEEF?! |
Let me know what you think. I would welcome anyone's opinion on that.
In the meantime . . . . .
I'll be thinking up some more appropriate and more erotic terms for the features of obese bodies.
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| This could be an emasculated fat boy whose penis and scrotum were crushed by a blubber gut resulting in castration by panniculus. Also known as pannicular castration which is the goal of many fat boys. |
Good morning Fat Bastard!
ReplyDeleteHEY! Thank you for devoting an entire new article to my super super super obese terminologies!
I'm still in the process of thinking up some more new terms.
Once again . . .
Thank you very much!
Teddy Bear
No Teddy thank you! Your "baar"iratric somatotype terminology is something the has been long missing. I am thrilled someone had finally done it. It was a pleasure sharing your thought with the readers of Bigger Fatter Politics.
ReplyDeleteYou have probably thought of this long before I have but we both know that obesity legislation is just around the corner. I mean, after all we are fat and we vote plus we are now the majority. Our law makers will need categories and sub categories for defining body body types as the population morphs into various shapes. Grading pannucular development has been a good start. Apple and pear are good but when it comes to folks who sprout extra body parts we still don't have the precise terminology.
Some examples where there are no clear terminologies are the classic meat face, when the upper arms look like comfy couch pillows, fat back ribs, back boobs, front ass ect.. ect.. You are the man to standardize these much needed definitions.