The Fat Olympics List Of Events

Welcome To The Fat Olympics

Fat Bastard

 While I, Fat Bastard was watching the Olympic games I noticed that there were very few fat athletes. We may see some fat sumo wrestlers, a weight lifter or a shot putter or two but 99% of the athletes are thinlings not fatlings. As the defacto leader of the Fat Acceptance Movement and President of NAAFA I, Fat Bastard will be hiring Mitt Romney to organize the the first Fatty Olympics after he loses to Obama.

Pie eating


There will be two events here. The volume event is where athletes eat as many pies as they can in an hour. This will be called the Pie A Thon.

The speed event gives the athletes 10 minutes to eat as many pies as possible.

The Buffet Event



This event requires more than eating. Athletes will be given 4 plates they will load those plates from a buffet and the contents well be measured for calorie content.

Heart rate



The athletes using drugs or exertion will crank up their rate. The one who have the highest heart rate without dying wins.

Blood Pressure



The highest BP wins!

The Diabetic Amputation  Races

Leg amputees will ambulate with and without the use of a cane or walker will move 40 feet in the sprint and 40 yards in the marathon.











Power Chair Demolition Derby



This event will pit all power chairs from the nimble Travel Scoot to the mammoth Bariatric Bounder.

Drop a Deuce  



By weight athletes will be judged on who can take the biggest dump.

Perfect Pear Perfect Apple



Judges will decide who has the best Apple and best Pear shape

Meat Skirt




Judges will pick the best panniculus.

Cannon Ball and Belly Whopper



This one is simple. Who displaces the most water wins!

Most Meds



The one on the most meds wins.

Re Blogging Some Cutting Edge Thoughts Of "Dr" Gerald Teddy Bear

The following is a comment by Obesity Studies expert, social commentator, fat activist, cartoonist, fat nutritionist and all aROUND great guy Dr Gerald Teddy Bear.

"Dr" Bear is like the Merrill Lynch of fat experts. When Teddy talks fatlings put down their Twinkies and listen or certainly eat more slowly. 

Fatlings everywhere I, Fat Bastard, present Teddy Bear!

By Teddy BearMar 16, 2012 10:14 PM

Good evening Fat Bastard!

OK, here's some more obese terminology.

You know that we pear-shaped obese males, how many of us have that great big groin area below the waist, and how, in extreme cases, that it hangs down over a shrunken penis and down over the thighs making it physically impossible to have an erection.

By the way . . . I like how that feels!

And, in the case of obese apple-shaped males, the upper-belly above the waist hangs down over the waistband of the pants, causing the pants to slide half-way down on a smaller butt, and in more extreme cases, the upper belly protrudes out far forward, and sort of rises up under the chest exerting pressure on the heart.

Well, here's my proposed terminology . . .

For the pear-shaped male with a huge low-hanging groin area below the waist, it should be called . . .

THE LOW-HANGING-UN-MANNING-FEMINIZING-PENIS-CRUSHER!!!

And for the apple-shaped obese male with the huge round ball-shaped belly rising up under his chest, and hanging down over the front of his pants, it should be called . . .

THE HIGH-RISING-LOW-HANGING-PANTS-DROPPING-HEART-STOPPER!

So, here are a couple of examples of how those terms can be used when meeting someone with those bodily features.

Example 1:

While walking the streets, you approach and extremely obese pear-shaped guy with broad hips, big thighs, and that huge lower-groin area hanging down over his short fat thighs, and you say to him "Hey Dude! That sure is one great big LOW-HANGING-UN-MANNING-FEMINIZING-PENIS-CRUSHER you have there"! If somebody were to say that to me, I would respond with "Why, thank you! I like it myself! I like the way if feels"!

Example 2:

While walking along the beach, you approach and extremely obese apple-shaped guy with a huge round ball-shaped belly that rises up under his chest, and hangs down over the front of his shorts causing his shorts to slide half-way down on his butt, exposing his butt-crack, and you say to him, "Hey Dude! That is one really great big humongous HIGH-RISING-LOW-HANGING-PANTS-DROPPING-HEART-STOPPER you're carrying around in front of you"! To which you might reply "Why thank you! I like it very much! It took many years of gluttony and drinking lots of beer to build this up"!



I'm sure, that hose of us who embrace gluttony, and love obesity, that we would take such terms had high complements!

You call this a burger? Where's the fucking BEEF?!

Let me know what you think. I would welcome anyone's opinion on that.

In the meantime . . . . .

I'll be thinking up some more appropriate and more erotic terms for the features of obese bodies.

This could be an emasculated fat boy whose penis and scrotum were crushed by a blubber gut resulting in castration by panniculus. Also known as pannicular castration which is the goal of many fat boys.