Monday, April 1, 2013

Gluttonous Objectivism or Why Fat People Are Morally Superior

In spite of the myriad of maladies brought on by our gluttony we stridently forge ahead in pursuit of our porcine pleasures. That is admirable. People like Paul Ryan and his mentor Ayn Rand would be envious and proud of our vigilance and adherence to the fat gluttonous lifestyle that we all lead. We are better than them!

Instead of coming complaining that your fat spouse, boss, or that pig and the buffet is a big fat selfish glutton you should be admiring them for being a big fat selfish glutton and putting his or her pleasure before everything else. That is classic Randian philosophy.

Hopefully we will get so fat that even Atlas will not be able to shrug.

Today there is huge disparity between the haves and have-nots. On average corporate CEOs make 475 times more in salary alone than the average worker. Randian philosophy or objectivism will tell you that that is the moral right thing to do and so would following that greedy gluttony and lust in us all because that is the proper way for one to conduct his or her life.

Obesity and gluttony is more than just a tide that you cannot stop. This is like an avalanche or should I say a flabbalanche that continues to pick up momentum.

My philosophy, Gluttonous Objectivism, holds that:

Reality exists as an objective absolute—facts are facts, independent of man’s feelings, wishes, hopes or fears. (In other words accept  the fact that most people are gluttons and food is YUMMY.  It is what it is and if this gluttonous society acquiesced to the wishes of the fat haters we would be immoral.)
Reason (the faculty which identifies and integrates the material provided by man’s senses, especially smell and taste.) is man’s only means of perceiving reality, his only source of knowledge, his only guide to action, and his basic means of survival. (In other words there is no denying the power of a Hardee's thick burger, shake and fries. Forget this mumbo jumbo about a higher purpose or spiritual growth or planes consciousness but instead act like the animal that you are.)

 Man—every man—is an end in himself, not the means to the ends of others. He must exist for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself. The pursuit of his own rational self-interest and of his own happiness is the highest moral purpose of his life. (I think this one is rather self-explanatory. Simply stated it means to put yourself and your wants, needs and desires ahead of everything else. That is simply what you as a fat greedy glutton should be doing. There is no mystery here. Your FATTINESS is right and they are wrong.  In the most simple terms this is called hooray for me and screw you.) It is far better to die from over consumption than to starve do death.
The ideal political-economic-consuming system is laissez-faire gluttonism. Leave me the fuck and let me eat! It is a system where men deal with one another, not as victims and executioners, nor as masters and slaves, but as cooks, waitstaff and diners, by free, voluntary exchange to mutual benefit. It is a system where no man may obtain any values from others by resorting to calorie counts, and no man may initiate the use of physical force against others. The government acts only as a policeman that protects man’s food rights; it uses calorie restriction only in retaliation and only against those who initiate its use, such as criminals or foreign invaders. In a system of full gluttonism, there should be (but, historically, has not yet been) a complete separation of state and economics, in the same way and for the same reasons as the separation of state and church. (In other words, we want transfats brought back so that Krispy Kreme donuts are as good as the used to be.) 

Most people are familiar with the so-called seven deadly sins and the so-called heavenly virtues. Laissez-faire glutton and objectivism or Randian philosophy shows the folly of this belief.
LUST The killjoys define lust as an insatiable need for sex or things of a pleasurable nature such as masturbation or viewing pornography. If it wasn't for masturbation and pornography most of his fat guys never have an orgasm. Lust is a good thing. Lust is better than love and don't let some mealy-mouthed bleeding heart tell you otherwise.

GLUTTONY is defined as eating to excess. There is no such thing as eating to excess. If it takes 2000 cal to be satisfied or 20,000 calories to be satisfied there is nothing wrong with either.  Like greed gluttony is good. Gluttony is the law of the jungle and the must gluttonous survive and pass on gluttonous DNA. Therefore it is out immutable moral obligation to to increase our insatiable gluttong for the next generation in order to perpetuate the species.
GREED Greed is defined by the haters as a need for material possessions and wealth. If this need is not meant to greedy person will go on to hoarding, theft, and obtaining material possessions by means of trickery, violence, deception or manipulation. What is wrong with that? That is exactly what our system of capitalism/gluttonism does. Do you think Mitt Romney any other way? Glutton capitalists or glutton gluttonists are making a killing by hoarding their wealth, and tricking other greedy people out of any wealth they may have. This is the very essence of Randian philosophy. This is social Darwinism at its finest!

ENVY is another much-maligned trait. Keeping up with the Joneses and having more than the next guy is what made this country great. When you go to the buffet and you see people piling their plates high you should pile your plate even higher. The fact that buffets should be unlimited goes to the morality of laissez-faire gluttony. We don't need people like Mimi Roth and food cops telling us what we can or cannot eat. Envy is a powerful and motivating force for more gluttony and gluttony is good.

 The so called Heavenly Virtues 

Chastity is one of the worst of the heavenly virtues. It's a good way to get blue balls. Blue balls will make you very grumpy. How can that be a good thing?

Temperance means restraint, so in other words, for the glutton that means that eating the entire box of candy is a bad thing. Temperance is a constant mindfulness of others and one surrounding practicing self-control and abstention. AKA...GUILT! That is so against anything Ayn Rand ever taught and it is so anti-obesity and gluttony that it is extremely immoral.

Charity is defined as benevolent giving. Let's see how this applies to major what if fish are benevolent and did not really go after forage? We would never have any big fish. Once again Ayn Rand is right. Anything that is anti-glutton is immoral. Once again this proves that gluttony is good.

Diligence is defined as a form of zeal describes it careful nature in one's actions ethics and steadfastness. That to me sounds like some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Diligence is the opposite of sloth and sloth is chilling out everybody needs to chill and eat at same time.
Avoid zealots!

Patience is rather self-explanatory but help patient you going to be when you're waiting for your meal with restaurants busy. They go to sit there like a lamb or are you going to act with the tape that you are in demand the full service that you paid for. If diners were not demanding and aggressive about their food coming in on time restaurants would be slow and do far less business with should be bad for the economy. It's the aggressive and pushy fish they gets the food.

Humility is the opposite of pride as we all know pride is a good thing. I am proud of my farts, my appetite, my gluttony and the fact that I wear a XXXXLarge shirt. The haters will tell you that humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less often. If you think of yourself less often than you are thinking of yourself less and therefore thinking less of yourself… Sheesh! The whole point of fat acceptance is to promote fat pride. BBWs and SSBBW's are the most prideful beings on the planet. Unfortunately many fat man fall short in this area just as many of us fall short in our penis length.

There is one more heavenly virtue but I'm too lazy to write about and I consider that lack of diligence and that employment of my sloth to be a good example of laissez-faire gluttonism.  Given the fact that 75% of Americans are fat or obese only goes to show that Americans are embracing greed, gluttony, pride, sloth, wrath, envy and lust. U$A U$A U$A U$A

Let's use this as inspiration for bringing our obesity and gluttony to the next level ie unbridled food lust. So we will return to the Latin so that the meaning of these words will be clear.


Praepropere – eating too soon (JUST DO IT!)

Laute – eating too expensively (JUST DO IT IF SOMEONE ELSE IS PAYING)
Nimis – eating too much (ALWAYS EAT TOO MUCH!)

Studiose – eating too daintily (Fat girls do that on the first date.)
Forente – eating wildly (EAT LIKE A BEAST!)

 Any questions?

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