Tea Pain, that's his real name, is running for president on the liberal Tea Party ticket. It you want straight talking American government, Tea Pain is your man.
We at Bigger Fatter Politics rarely endorse a candidate this early but after a discussion with members of our editorial staff, Rotunda Hindenberg, Jenna Talia and Aisle Blocker we have decided to endorse Tea Pain for POTUS. We have read Tea Pain's position papers and we at Bigger Fatter Politics believe that Tea Pain is just what America need.
The Seven Tenets of the Liberal Tea Party
We ain't against bigger gub'ment or smaller gub'ment. We're against stupid gubment.
Just because others may not see things our way doesn't mean we don't love America.
A woman's body is hers... period!
American is beautiful. Love is beautiful. Marriage is for everyone.
Guns are for huntin and protectin. #NoGunNonsense.
All faiths including those with no faith are welcome.
We speak the truth but with grace and love.
Tea Pain's Quotes and Tweets:
Conservatives say the problem is Christianity ain't taught in schools. The real problem is Christianity ain't taught in church.
Soon Dr. Carson will be back to his old job of sewing sponges into patients' brains. #CarsonOnCNN
Tea Pain wishes he had a dollar for every time he got a full Westpoint scholarship he never applied for. #CarsonOnCNN
.@DocBenCarson Tea Pain luvs ya, Dr. Ben, even though you can't operate on the one brain that needs yore help the most!
- Joinin' the Tea Party is like goin' back to the 50s without a Flux Capacitor. #tcot
- #FF @DocBenCarson helps explain the deep hidden meanin' behind Ben Carson's mysterious sayins! #Carson2016
Tea Pain 
