Happy New Year?

The end of glutton season is coming to an end. It won't be until Valentine's Day they we can be pigging out on chocolate candy. With glutton season officially ending for us gluttons it continues for the corporate gluttons who greedily stole trillions from Americans and other citizens of the world.

2013 will be more of the same. I don't know what's can happen with fiscal cliff but I don't know there are a lot of Republicans who need to control off the fiscal cliff and onto a bed of pointed bamboo sticks. The last I heard is that the Senate overwhelmingly approved the majority of the presidents plan but that evil piece of trash Mitch McConnell is his Dick so far up Congressman Boehner's drunken ass that this rescue of the American people may not happen and if that's the case I would like to see a lot of Republicans pushed off of cliffs, pushed off bridges and pushed out of moving vehicles for the traitors that they are.

I hope it will be a happy new year. I hope that we get our fiscal house in order. I hope that we restore the Bill of Rights. I hope that we overthrow the shadow government and execute of the filthy rich traitors.

I have some predictions for the new year:

I predict at least 20 mass shootings.

I predict tighter gun laws that will do little to stop medicated people from shooting up malls movie theaters churches and schools.

I predict a dramatic rise in obesity rate among adults and I predict a leveling off for children.

I predict the resignation of several Republican leaders because of sex scandals involving children. I didn't need to look at my crystal ball to see this one coming.

I predict the assassination of some corporate gangsters in Europe and possibly the US.

Now for some happy predictions

I predict even lower restaurant prices!

I predict the return of the Hostess Twinkie!

I predict the belly boy will marry a beautiful Asian lady boy.

I predict that McDonald's will come out with the McTruck that will be used much like food trucks that are used to sell tacos. These are also known as roach coaches. I further predict that Taco Bell will be offering a delivery service.

I predict that cheesecake factory will be selling his products in convenience stores.

I predict that Sen. Mitch McConnell will die of the summer.

I predict that Rush Limbaugh will die from the fecal impaction all doing his show.

I predict that the old fat acceptance movement will lose 50% of its members.

I predict the tea party will teabag Donald Trump and he'll like it.


Now for some New Year's resolutions.

I resolved to eat more pork products.

I resolved to bone more skinny chicks.

I resolved to petition Krispy Kreme to return to using trans fats.

Jessie Ventura on Gun Control

Just watch,

Seasons GREEDINGS

Let's face it, Ebenezer Scrooge had a point and if it weren't for him having a living shit scared out of him by three terrifying spirits he would never have stopped his famous bah humbug litany. Even if Ebenezer Scrooge had not been a miserly man he still would've hated Christmas.

Let's carefully examine Christmas.

If it were not for all the gluttonous food and copious amounts of alcohol Christmas would suck for everybody except for kids and greedy corporate merchandizers. Certainly it is the apex of the gluttony season only to wind down at New Year's when many people make a resolution to cease their gluttonous behavior… We all know how long that lasts.



I like vulgarity is much as the next guy but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing and vulgarity for the sake of vulgarity truly is too vulgar. It's not worth the price. Again, only people who really benefit from Christmas other than to greedy corporations are the children but let's be honest here, kids are overrated and the vulgur showering of gifts only turns them into brats. The less fortunate children get crappy gifts from some feel-good charity and that makes them think that Santa Claus is a real douche bag but as far as mythical beings go, Santa Claus beats the hell out of Jesus Christ.

The part of Christmas that pisses me off the most are the crowds. Everything and every place is crowded with nasty pushy people. It's not just the stores like Kmart and Walmart that are crowded it is also the restaurants and that pisses me off. It takes longer to get your food and very often there are a lot of crabby mothers with their bratty kids in tow. When I sit down for a nice meal of fast food delight I don't want a bunch of bitchy moms and screaming kids wrecking my gluttonous experience with all the bitching and whining. Hire a babysitter or shut the fuck up God dammit!

What really is the clincher for me is that everybody gets sick with a cold or the flu. The greedy doctors count on this and cash in. They failed to inform people that proper humidification of their homes and simply wearing a dust mask like they do in Japan will stop the spread of pathogens that cause the flu and the common cold that can lead to pneumonia and death. 

There are some strategies that you can employ if you insist on celebrating Christmas. Shop online. The words, "in the comfort of your own home" are music to the ears of any self-respecting slothful glutton like me Fat Bastard. Yes indeed, online shopping can be great. I, Fat Bastard order products and have been shipped to the people that I want to gift. This eliminates the need for wrapping and delivering the gifts. This also eliminates the need to fight the holiday crowds. Proud FA had a wonderful strategy when he was still porking fat girls. Proud FA would pick up $20 gift cards for McDonald's and Cracker Barrel and present them to his favorite sows he was porking at the time.

My advice for surviving the holiday season is to avoid family. So that means getting a lot of invitations to the homes of friends. My favorite refuge for Christmas is with my best friend Proud FA and his lovely fiancée Thinnette. They have in the past asked me to play Santa Claus and I complied but over the last few years I've declined playing the role of Santa because I don't want a bunch of germy kids crawling all over me and pissing me off. This year was an exception. Thinnette, her skinny sister and a few of her hot female friends dressed as elves so I, fat bastard, decided to don my Santa suit and play the role of jolly old St. Nick.


Keeping with my usual tradition of Christmas survival, I got really smashed. Thinnette and the other elves put on an impressive spread of food and many many types of alcoholic beverages. I started things out with a couple of Tom and Jerry's along with a few rum balls. Then I moved to the egg nog. The sexy elves made a huge bowl of delicious chocolate and I downed three or 4 cups of that. I was just getting warmed up. Proud FA broke out a large job of homemade applejack. It was about 40 proof and it went down like butter...smoooooooooth!

 
Much to our surprise our good friend the chef showed up with one of his fine ladies in five or six expertly rolled joints of the finest sticky green money could buy. After smoking some of the Chef's finest weed (for medicinal purposes only) I announced that it was time for me to make a pitcher of stingers. For those of you who don't know a properly made Stinger is comprised of two parts brandy and one part of cream deminthe stirred with shaved ice.

The way we celebrate Christmas is the right way to celebrate Christmas. We get together in a very stress-free environment and eat like pigs and drink like fish. Another dear friend of mine became so fed up with Christmas and all the family bullshit that he told his family he was going to Miami for Christmas but instead he took refuge with some Jewish friends. What he did was celebrate the way Jews celebrate Christmas. He went to a movie and afterwards he joined his friends for Chinese food in a place called Lee Ho Foo's and like the song says you're very large dish peeked chow mein. If you don't have friends like proud FA and his fiancée and if you have Jewish friends you would be wise to spend Christmas with them because the movie followed by Chinese food and some plum wine beats dealing with family bullshit every time.




I hope this helps.

US Senator Mike Crapo Busted For Drunk Driving

The following news story is from Huffington Post. My editorial comments will be in bold.

It comes as no surprise that Mike Crapo is a Republican but is is somewhat surprising that Crapo is a Mormon. Alcohol use by Mormons is strictly forbidden. I have known a lot of people who drive drunk who have never gotten caught. The odds of getting caught DWI are actually slim. You can go to happy hour ever night after work, catch a buzz and drive home and the unless there is an illegal sobriety check point the odds of getting caught are slim and none. The point is, Mike Crapo drive drunk all the time.

Mike Crapo, the Republican senator from Idaho who was arrested on Sunday morning for driving under the influence, once said he abstains from alcohol.

Crapo in 2010 said that he was motivated to sponsor legislation to reduce taxes on small beer brewers because of his pro-business views. The Mormon lawmaker told The Associated Press that if the measure was approved, he would celebrate with root beer because he doesn't consume alcohol.
The AP reports:

Crapo's arrest early Sunday in a Washington, D.C., suburb on suspicion of drunken driving suggests a private life that departed from his public persona as a teetotaling member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. About a quarter of Idaho's population subscribes to the Mormon faith, which discourages members from using alcohol, as well as coffee, tea and tobacco.

Colleagues said Monday they were taken aback by word of Crapo's arrest. The three-term senator is accused of registering a 0.11 percent blood-alcohol level on a breath test after running a red light in Alexandria, Va., where the legal limit is 0.08.

Following the incident over the weekend, Crapo issued an apology.

Here's Crapo's booking photo, provided by the Alexandria, Va. Police Department, from after he was arrested on Sunday:

Hey bartender, pour one, pour two, pour three more glasses of beer. Mike don't care what the people are thinking; he ain't drunk, he's just drinkin.

The Idaho Statesman said in an editorial published on Tuesday, "It would be unfair to judge Crapo, or anybody else, on one mistake. But it is totally fair to evaluate him according to where he goes from here and what he does to turn this matter from a negative to a positive."

 What total bullshit that is! I will explain  further the odds of driving one time all drunk and getting pulled over by the police and arrested for DWI. It sounds to me like the Idaho Statesman is on the Mike Crapo payroll. I would ask my readers to contact the Idaho Statesman and write every bottle to their dishonest and fat-free editorial.


In an unrelated incident in December of last year, Randy Babbitt resigned from his post as FAA administrator after he was arrested on drunk driving charges.

Below, more on the latest developments related to Crapo from the AP:

State Sen. Brent Hill of Rexburg, who considers Crapo a friend, said his son called him with the news, and his reaction was: "You must be talking about somebody else." Hill is the Idaho Senate's top Republican, a position Crapo held while he was a state lawmaker from 1988 to 1992. Like Crapo, Hill is a Mormon.
"Obviously, I think many of us are very disappointed," Hill told the AP. "As a citizen of the state of Idaho, we have a right to be disappointed, and as a member of his faith, I'm disappointed that a tenet of our faith didn't mean any more to him than evidently it did."
Crapo faces a court date Jan. 4.

Lindsay Nothern, a spokesman for the senator in Idaho, said Crapo would have no comment Monday. The lawmaker, who is married with five children, was spending the Christmas holiday with family, Nothern said.
In a statement Sunday, Crapo took responsibility and pledged to ensure "this circumstance is never repeated."

"I am deeply sorry for the actions that resulted in this circumstance," said Crapo, 61. "I made a mistake for which I apologize to my family, my Idaho constituents and any others who have put their trust in me."

The state's junior U.S. senator, Republican Jim Risch, also was "very surprised" by the news, spokesman Brad Hoaglun said.

But Hoaglun said Crapo, a cancer survivor whose public image previously was squeaky clean, should be able to count on Idaho residents' forgiveness and understanding during what's clearly a difficult time.

"As a friend and colleague, I offer my support and help to him in any way I can," Risch said in a statement. "Senator Crapo has worked hard on behalf of Idahoans for many years and I have full confidence that Senator Crapo will continue his dedicated and unselfish service to the people of Idaho."

Risch is Catholic and Catholics drink like fish especially the Irish Catholic and that is what makes them fun to hang out with.

Idaho's two U.S. representatives, Raul Labrador and Mike Simpson, are Mormons, though Simpson has been open with constituents and media about drinking and smoking cigarettes.

I heard that Mormons are not even allowed to drink coffee of tea.

Neither Republican immediately responded to a request for comment.

Idaho politicians getting arrested for drunken driving is nothing new: Gov. C.L. "Butch" Otter was arrested in the early 1990s, when he was lieutenant governor; Democratic state Sen. Edgar Malepeai of Pocatello was arrested for DUI in 2009; and former state Sen. John McGee, a Caldwell Republican, was arrested on Father's Day 2011 after driving drunk and taking a car that didn't belong to him.

           But none of them were Mormon.

Crapo raised the stakes by projecting an image of a diligent member of the faith and – at least outwardly – following church founder Joseph Smith's 1833 revelation in which he advised members that "strong spirits are not for the belly."

Perhaps the Senator is like me and considers anything over 80 proof to be strong spirits. For me, Fat Bastard, beer and wine are just a warm-up or a chaser for the strong stuff.

Perhaps Sen. Crapo needs some drinking lessons. Maybe if he gets good and liquored up on some wild Turkey liquor or some Bacardi 151 rum he will be able to handle the strong stuff. Let's be honest here, Mike Crapo is a drunk and if he ever decides to attend AA meetings or go to rehab he will he can then be called an alcoholic. The odds of a drunk admitting that he or she is a drunk are slim and none the odds of a Republican Mormon drunk admitting that he's a drunk are beyond astronomical.

The U.S. Senate adjourned last week and wasn't expected to resume until Wednesday; it's unclear why Crapo had remained in Washington, D.C., ahead of the Christmas holiday.
According to the police report, he was alone in his car. It wasn't immediately clear where he'd been or where he was going when he was stopped.

Since Crapo is a Mormon and since Mormons have a long history of polygamy he was probably coming back from one of his Washington wives a.k.a. a hooker. That is standard operating procedure for Republicans.

Crapo was a Mormon bishop at 31 and has showed no public signs of a break from his church's teachings.

 Mitt Romney was also a Mormon bishop and we know what a lying hypocrite he is. like Sen. Crapo, he too probably drinks like a fish.

Church members must follow its guidance – including its rules on alcohol – to participate fully in the faith's rituals, including temple activities that are central to the religion.

The governing bodies of the Mormon church have always been  bunch of lowlife scumbag hypocrites but that's true of every religion. So don't hold your breath waiting for the church elders to excommunicate Sen. Mike Crapo.

Phone calls Monday to Mormon headquarters in Salt Lake City were not returned.

Church officials are notorious weasels and liars. They will remain moot on this until it blows over.

Crapo, first elected in 1998, is expected to take over the top Republican spot next year on the Senate Banking Committee. He also serves on the Senate's budget and finance panels and was a member of the so-called "Gang of Six" senators who worked in 2011 toward a deficit-reduction deal that was never adopted by Congress.

The 2010 bill he sponsored on cutting taxes for brewers ultimately stalled.

UPDATE!

Sen. Mike Crapo (R-Idaho) drank vodka prior to being arrested in Alexandria, Va., on Dec. 23, according to court documents obtained by the Del Ray Patch.

"The driver indicated that he consumed several shots of vodka hours earlier and did not consume any more alcoholic beverages since," wrote the arresting officer. The officer described his eyes as "bloodshot and watery." Despite the fact that he drank vodka, the officer noted a smell of alcohol on his breath "which became stronger as he spoke."

Vodka has long been the drink of choice for hard-core alcoholics. Clearly Mike Crapo Sen. from Idaho is a hard-core alcoholic. Drunks tend to be delusional, it's part of the disease of alcoholism. They mistakenly believe that alcohol in the form of vodka cannot be detected on their breath. They also put it in coffee cups and attitude beverages like Coca-Cola or coffee.

I will be surprised if United States Sen. Mike Crapo comes clean and admits that he is been and is today a hard-core alcoholic. Most alcoholics will not admit the big problem. But in Crapo's case he's also a hypocrite because he's a Mormon in Mormonism is as big of a scam as Scientology.

Gifts for Gluttons

Okay okay I get it it's Christmas but I,Fat Bastard  am inspired by the wonderful and not so wonderful Christmas gifts that I have received. There are some wonderful gifts that will be great appreciated by the fat and greedy glutton but there are some gifts that should never be given to a big fat greedy glutton like me, Fat Bastard.

Greedy gluttonous fatlings should never be gifted with certain gifts such as exercise equipment or footwear with laces. Only loafers for loafers. The positive side of this is that gifts for the greedy glutton are plentiful. We can thank our accommodating fat centric society for all the wonderful things that people like. The list is endless. Booze is never a bad idea but when selecting some sort of alcoholic product for  your glutton make it something special like a liquor such as Southern Comfort or Bailey's Irish Cream. Kahlúa is always a good idea. You can never go wrong with candy but if you can afford 5 pounds of Godiva chocolates and go for quantity and by a 5 pound box of some other assorted candies. Cheese cheese cheese... There there is a full spectrum of cheeses from good old American cheddar, port wine cheese, Monterey Jack, Brie, Gorgonzola, Limburger, Munster, provolone, Greek feta, and good old fat girl Fromunda cheese.




A favorite of all fatty's is a good old-fashioned hickory farms sampler pack containing crackers sausages hard soft and spreadable cheeses. A good stocking stuffer is a can of cheese whiz. Other than vegetables there are very few foods that fatlings will not eat. In fact, fatlings genetically consider vegetables to be food. Another good choice for a glutton is a gift card to a restaurant fatties like best and they are as follows; Denny's, McDonald's, Olive Garden, O'Charley's, international House of pancakes, Arby's, Burger King,  Hardee's,  KFC, Golden Corral, Cracker Barrel... you get the point.

 A lot of fattys like practical gifts and some of the  practical gifts that come to mind are things like butt wands,  gifts for the bath, portable bidet  for the BBW's,  talcum powder, a showerhead, seatbelt extenders,  a  bib,  loafers and door grease are all good practical gifts that will be appreciated by any glutton.




 There are also some extravagant gifts that a glutton will just love.  As you know, we fatlings  are plagued by an epidemic of double flushing the toilet.  Sometimes it takes more than a double or even a triple flush will not send the giant herds of a glutton to their final resting place. I, fat bastard have written extensively on methods of unclogging toilets but the ultimate solution for clogged toilets are bigger toilets. There are some very large bariatric toilets that can handle almost any volume of feces of fatlings can put in them. Your glutton will cry tears of joy when he wakes up on Christmas morning and find that Santa and his elves have installed a supersized toilet that can also double as a wading pool for children.





 Perhaps the most favorite automobile of a glutton is a Cadillac Escalade or one of its variants. These giant SUVs are in every way the best motor vehicle for a big fat glutton.

Cadillac Escalade is the Fatillac of Cadillacs

EAT For The Baby Jesus

Food food glorious food. With another holiday season upon us food will be taking center stage.   Fatlings and thinlings will be stuffing themselves with the pigs they are. OINK oink oink oink oink oink as we all worship the belly God And drop a huge Yule log in the toilet.

Okay fellow fatlings let's kick this glutton fest into high gear. The holiday season is time for every glutton to join the glutton fest. Fatlings get fatter and thinlings will pack on a pound or two. Your typical 150 pounder me at 3 pounds whereas the gluttonous glutton will pack on considerably more blubber as we greedily devour every delicious morsel in sight. EAT EAT EAT and eat some more as we pay homage to Santa Claus at all other fatlings.

Belly boy, Teddy Bear even though he is Jewish will be joining all the goyim who will be gourmandizing greedily with gluttonous glee. Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat and we fatlings are getting even fatter than that goose or should I say the proverbial goose. Proud FA and his fiancée Thinnette will be cooking some tasty low-calorie dishes just for me, Fat Bastard. Hopefully our good friend, The Chef will stop by for a few cocktails and a few tokes of the sticky green for medicinal purposes only. For those of you who don't know about Chef; the Chef is a man of color and the Chef is a bit gouty in the leg. The Chef will tell you that the Chef loves the ladies and ladies love Chef but Chef in his own words will tell you and I quote, "the chef ain't got no wood for them supersized beautiful women or SSBBWs, God bless em. 

We will be singing our favorite Christmas songs Such as:

Silent fart deadly fart, It smelled bad at the start, Check the Balls on the Big Brown Collie, We three kings from Sloppy Joe's bar, bearing booze and  rubber  cigars. It  was loaded.  it exploded so God rest Ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay, remember Christ our savior was born on a bale of hay.

 They took the baby jesus wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger  and a  pig ate him.

We wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas we wish you a merry christmas so please drink more beer. we all want some  chocolate pudding we all want some fucking chocolate pudding we all want some chocolate pudding you  dumb fucking  queer. 

 Now, for our rendition of jingle bells,...  eat eat eat eat eat eat eat all fucking day.  Oh  what fun it is to eat in a glutton kind of way.

Now for our  rendition of let it snow let it snow let it snow...  Oh.. the weather outside is sucking so we might as well be fucking and since there's no place to go  let's get blowed  blow a load blow a load. 

Now for our version of Angels we have heard on high....  the chef and I will be getting high when we get aboard the plane and the gluttons  in reply echoing theirt sweet refrain,  more more more more more more food for us alka-seltzer all day oh  more more more more more more more food for us alka-seltzer all day yo.

This is fat bastard wishing you and yours a Merry Xmas and a happy New Year's. There was a man whose name was Lang and he had a neon sign. Well, Mr Lang was very old. So they called him old Lang's sign.  I, Fat Bastard will not only be enjoying Christmas but New Year's as well.

Shroud of Turin FAKE!

Not only is the Turin Shroud a medieval fake but it is just one of an astonishing 40 so-called burial cloths of Jesus, according to an eminent church historian.

Antonio Lombatti said the false shrouds circulated in the Middle Ages, but most of them were later destroyed.

He said the Turin Shroud itself – showing an image of a bearded man and venerated for centuries as Christ’s burial cloth – appears to have originated in Turkey some 1,300 years after the Crucifixion.

The Turin Shroud was believed to have covered Jesus, but a leading Church historian says it is one of many produced over a thousand years after his death

Lombatti, of the Università Popolare in Parma, Italy, cited work by a 19th century French historian who had studied surviving medieval documents. ‘The Turin Shroud is only one of the many burial cloths which were circulating in the Christian world during the Middle Ages. There were at least 40,’ said Lombatti.

‘Most of them were destroyed during the French Revolution. Some had images, others had blood-like stains, and others were completely white.’

The Turin Shroud is a linen cloth, about 14ft by 4ft, bearing a front and back view of the image of a bearded, naked man who appears to have been stabbed or tortured. Ever since the detail on the cloth was revealed by negative photography in the late 19th century it has attracted thousands of pilgrims to the Cathedral of St John the Baptist in Turin.

In a research paper to be published this month in the scholarly journal Studi Medievali, Lombatti says the shroud was most likely given to French knight Geoffroy de Charny as a memento from a crusade to Smyrna, Turkey, in 1346. The de Charny family are the first recorded owners of the shroud.

The image has bewitched believers and sceptics alike since the negative image, right, was revealed in the late 19th century

Lombatti found that Geoffroy was unable to join a pilgrimage to Jerusalem after liberating Smyrna, so he was given the shroud as a symbol of his participation in the crusade to Turkey.

The Catholic Church has never officially commented on the shroud’s authenticity, but has made samples available to scientists for testing.

In 2009 a Vatican researcher said she had found the words ‘Jesus Nazarene’ on the cloth, while two years later Italian government researchers claimed the image of a man had been caused by a supernatural ‘flash of light’ but carbon tests carried out in Oxford in 1988 firmly dated the material to 1260-1390

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2157217/The-Turin-Shroud-fake-Eminent-historian-claims-40-similar-cloths-originated-1-300-years-AFTER-crucifixion.html#ixzz2FtwKeJBg
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Get over it Christers, Jesus was a fake too and your religion is a lie!