|Welcome To The Fat Olympics|
While I, Fat Bastard was watching the Olympic games I noticed that there were very few fat athletes. We may see some fat sumo wrestlers, a weight lifter or a shot putter or two but 99% of the athletes are thinlings not fatlings. As the defacto leader of the Fat Acceptance Movement and President of NAAFA I, Fat Bastard will be hiring Mitt Romney to organize the the first Fatty Olympics after he loses to Obama.
There will be two events here. The volume event is where athletes eat as many pies as they can in an hour. This will be called the Pie A Thon.
The speed event gives the athletes 10 minutes to eat as many pies as possible.
The Buffet Event
This event requires more than eating. Athletes will be given 4 plates they will load those plates from a buffet and the contents well be measured for calorie content.
The athletes using drugs or exertion will crank up their rate. The one who have the highest heart rate without dying wins.
The highest BP wins!
The Diabetic Amputation Races
Leg amputees will ambulate with and without the use of a cane or walker will move 40 feet in the sprint and 40 yards in the marathon.
Power Chair Demolition Derby
This event will pit all power chairs from the nimble Travel Scoot to the mammoth Bariatric Bounder.
Drop a Deuce
By weight athletes will be judged on who can take the biggest dump.
Perfect Pear Perfect Apple
Judges will decide who has the best Apple and best Pear shape
Judges will pick the best panniculus.
Cannon Ball and Belly Whopper
This one is simple. Who displaces the most water wins!
The one on the most meds wins.