Thursday, June 13, 2013

A Guide for Gainers and Losers: The Real Science


 A Food Journal For Gainers and Losers

Most fatlings are freestyle gainers. By that I mean they don't really have an eating plan or any method for the accounting of calories. Wannabe fatling gainers could optimize their gaining efforts if they were to simply keep a food journal. By doing so they could eliminate nutrient dense foods such as fresh fruits and vegetables which are appetite killers and substitute with calorie laden foods foods like cheese, ice cream, butter, Doritos, and a wide variety of chips and dips. The dedicated gaining glutton can optimize his or her gaining simply by keeping a food journal. At the end of the day they can review that journal to see how well they've done and look for ways of improvement for the next day so that they can more efficiently ingest a larger amount of calories without ingesting space taking high fiber foods.

Eating calorie laden foods can also help to eliminate cravings for fruits and vegetables. I shudder to think of a fatling eating a lettuce salad with raspberry vinaigrette. This does not mean that an occasional trip to the salad bar is a bad idea but if you must go to the salad bar the wise glutton piles on the cheese, bacon bits and high-fat dressings. The wisest glutton seeks to eliminate vegetation altogether and ops for fat laden meats, cheese and sugary treats.

A good gainer needs the right tools and one of those tools the fast food pyramid.
When it comes to gaining, fast food is always a best bet. Fast food is quick, cheap, easy and satisfying. Fast food is a lot of food.

Many people in the size acceptance movement advocate a method of eating called health at every size or HAES. HAES was created and popularized by Linda Bacon. (sometimes satire just writes itself) The problem with HAES is that it's too confusing, especially for fat girls. Dr. Rev. Big Lard Ass coinvented the Grazen-Heimer technique along with Nobel Prize winning scientists Otto Grazen PhD and Hans Heimer PhD. Their pioneering work has led to a layman's version of the Grazen-Heimer technique. In fact there are two methods based on Grazen-Heimer. The first one is called FATT or food all the time and the other one is called EATT or eat all the time. Recently these two techniques due to their many similarities have been combined into a technique called EATT FATT. Because fat fattens best gainers are reminded to get at least 75% of the calories from fat which is much like the South Beach diet and the Atkins diet.

Gaining for Gainers.   Simplicity is key and Adherence is a must.

The successful gainer simply needs to do two things and and those two things are this. Follow the fast food pyramid and simply eat all the time with the goal of an incremental increase in calories every day. Simple adherence to the simple plan will quickly propel a portly pig into mega pig like proportions by simply eating pig like portions.

Some advocates of gaining stress the need for a sedentary lifestyle and well theory this makes sense there are several serious drawbacks to this approach. If a gainer is going for weight it is important to note that muscle weighs far more than fat. The other important factor is that activity increases appetite and it aids in digestion which speeds the transport of food from the mouth to the poop chute. Eventually the gainer will become more and more sedentary as a weight increases but starting with a good base of muscle under all that fat will increase weight and increase appetite. Too many gainers and other fatlings seemed to plateau at the paltry 400 pound mark. 400 pounds is merely a good starting point.

The Mechanics of Gaining Eat a lot eat often.

Unless you're talking there is no reason to stop eating and even if you are talking you can still talk with food in your mouth. If you're not eating your food you should be drinking your food. Eat that donut but not without a double latte. Eat that burger but not without a triple thick shake and french fries saturated in grease and covered with melted cheese and gravy. It's almost obscene to eat french fries that are not smothered in cheese and covered in gravy. Remember you are a glutton so act like a glutton and be uncouth.

Your journal will contain pages similar to a Daytimer and currently our engineers are working on an app for iPad called the Gaining App/food journal. Essentially the gaining journal is a series of pages listing the days of the weeks, months of the year and hours and minutes in the day. Every time you eat you write down in the journal what you ate at its caloric content. At the end of the day will calculate the number of calories you eat in for the day compared with your basal metabolic rate. The app will calculate your  metabolic rate and total energy expenditure for that day in real-time and if you have not exceeded your metabolic rate the app will prompt you to eat some more. The app contains pictures of food and printable coupons for great deals on fast food. Every day you will set a goal to exceed your metabolic rate by a certain percentage. This is the key to sustained and progressive gaining. The aim of this method is to incrementally increase your caloric intake. This is the most natural way of gaining. The days of the feeding tube are coming to an end and feeders who want to be successful need to become encouragers. There is still a place for the feeding tube but it is losing its prominence and should only be used in emergency situations.
A Guide for Losing for Losers. How to eat your way lean.

Yes, you read that right. The best way to get lean is to eat your way lean. You may be asking why a fat acceptance site would promote leanness. There are a lot of angry fat girls who really don't want to be fat. They whine and cry and bitch and moan and are otherwise a major pain in the ass. There always pissed off about something and that something is the fact that they are fat. They simply cannot or will not accept the fact that they are fat so they try to make everybody else except it but the truth is most people don't give a shit if they are fat. Most people just want these mouthy fat girls to simply shut the fuck up. This is for them and other land whales and pork beasts who for whatever silly reason want to abandon the fat lifestyle.

A good way to remain fat is to remain ignorant when it comes to basic nutrition. Blissful ignorance is the key to remaining fat. The less you know the better. Since most people who want to lose weight are fat girls I will present numbers that are appropriate for facts. The USDA recommends the average woman who is moderately active consume 2000 cal per day. If a woman eats 2000 cal a day the most weight she can maintain is about 135 pounds. As you can see it takes a lot of serious eating to even get into the 200 pound range. With today's food scape it's pretty easy to get a lot of calories in the foods you eat. Luckily for the gaining glutton today's food has an engineer especially for gaining and maintaining. This does not put the loser in good stead for losing and maintaining a low body weight and lean body mass.

Eat less and move more... but eat MORE food!

Eating less calories and burning more calories than you consume will result in weight loss. A lot of fat girl dieters like to try to deny this as they retreat back into their angry fat girl mindset and the lies of the old fat acceptance movement. Fat girls who don't want to be fat still love food so it behooves them to either like being fat or change their palates and their appetites.

An enemy to the gainer is a friend to the loser.

One of the biggest enemies the gainer is dietary fiber. Fiber, when it enters a digestive system, becomes a space hog. Eating a diet high in fiber combined with a lot of water can cause a gainer to feel full. The reason that they feel full is because they are full but they are full of extremely low-calorie food. It could be an hour or more before the stomach empties and they're hungry again. A gainers biggest mistake can be the loser's greatest triumph. Perhaps the biggest enemy to the gainer is lean protein. Lean protein can spell disaster for a gainer. Lean protein causes the stomach to release a hormone called CKK when it comes to appetite CKK is a kill switch. When the CKK hormone kicks in it's like a punch to the gut from Heavyweight boxer Iron Mike Tyson. You won't want to eat for hours. CKK mediates a number of physiological processes, including digestion and satiety.

Here is a sample page of the food journal.


12 AM  Midnight Snack  3 slices of  pizza extra cheese and sausage 400 calories 16 oz  creme soda 200 calories.


12:15 AM _________________________________________________________________ 

12:30 AM _________________________________________________________________ 
12:45 AM _________________________________________________________________ 
1 AM _____________________________________________________________________

Skip to breakfast

9:00 AM Fried eggs, 4 slices Texas toast, 1/2 pound of  bacon, 6 links sausage, 12 oz OJ, 3 cups coffee extra cream and sugar, Total calories 2189___________________________________

Mid morning snack

10:30 AM 4 Krispy Creme Donuts, Tripple Carmel Latte, Total calories 700____________


12:00 PM 3 double cheese burgers, Large Shake, Large fries, XL Coke, 4  hot apple pies Total calories  2900 ________________________________________________________________

Post Lunch Snack 1:30 PM 16 oz Mountain Dew, Bag of Doritos, candy bar Total calories 700

I think you get the idea.

Eat your way fat or eat your way thin. By making substitutes a person hell-bent on getting to and maintaining a low body weight can do it with relative ease but by the same token again are can easily and steadily pack on the pounds and become a walking or rolling flabalanche he or she has always dreamed of being.



    Wow, this is an excellent piece of Fat Journalism!!

    I especially like your mealtime breakdown. I also like that you subtly weaved in a critical Fat Person Tactic - underestimating the calories. This is absolutely critical to your development into the higher levels of obesity. Of course, 3 slices of pizza with extra cheese are much more than 400 calories, but if you allow yourself to write that amount down, you play it safe by erring on the low side. Realistically, a non-chain extra cheese slice of pizza is going to run you at least 350 calories per slice, up to 450 depending on certain factors such as Grease, Crust, and Cheese Saturation. So that's more like 1,050 calories to 1,350 calories - BUT if you write that down on your sheet like a beginner, you will make a rookie mistake and think that you are making more progress than you already are, and SUBCONSCIOUSLY YOU WILL SCALE BACK YOUR EATING FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. This is a FATAL ERROR that has DOOMED many weight gaining plans.

    Fat Bastard weaves advanced high-level tactics into even the introductory materials in a way that few if any other Gainer Trainers can, and I suspect that Coach Gaines has imparted a lot of his wisdom to FB (as he is known in some gaining circles) and he has a knack for making complicated and advanced gaining techniques easy to master for beginners.

    I myself, make sure never to sleep for more than 3 or 4 hours in a row, without taking a Feeding Break. I will sleep for 9 to 12 hours a night, including 3 to 4 mini-meals of 10 minutes each. This is actually when I get most of my fruits and vegetables into my diet- it's my way of adding calories to my diet, yet also adding nutrients that my body needs, so that I will live longer. I also make sure to take plenty of vitamins along with my Good Morning Milkshake, to further boost my health levels.

    The Good Morning Milkshake contains 8 cups of vanilla ice cream, 8 teaspoons of vanilla extract, 16 tablespoons of sugar, 3.75 cups of whole milk, 0.25 cup of heavy cream, 1 pinch of kosher sea salt, 2 tablespoons of caramel syrup, and 4 cherries with stems and pits removed.


    1. OINK!

      Belly Boy you've said a mouthful.... a Belly Boy mouthful and you are correct, Coach Gaines has imparted wisdom in to my fat head like a fat cell during osmosis. I have never forgotten the cardnal rule and corerstone of gaining taught to me by Dean or feederism Proud FA ie, FAT FATTENS BEST!

      I recently discovered the best feeding tool ever. It's Jiffy Peanut butter with dark chocolate. Gaining without hedonistic food lust means that the gainer will hit the 600 pound flab ceiling. I bought one jar simply because I thought is would be like Nutella but to my surprise this stuff blows Nutella out of the waters and it costs less. I ate the entire jar which was whopping 4000 calories and then I waddled out and bought 26 more jars because that's all they had on the shelf. Belly Boy, you gotta try this stuff... it's the single malt scotch of peanut better. It's a foodgasm in a jar. YUM! You may want to add a jar to your Good Morning Shake.

    2. Fat fattens best, but you must never forget the importance of flavor! Sure eating a stick of butter is very fattening, but it is not very fun to eat. Furious Pete from YouTube ate like 2 lbs of butter once and he had a lot of trouble. He also drank a quart or so of olive oil once. Very fattening, very unappetizing.

      That's why I think it is important to shoot for flavor, rather than only focusing on calories. After all, what good is being morbidly obese if you don't get to enjoy the process of getting there, and staying there? I think it is important to maximize the fun you have along with the size of your body, so the Belly Boy cardinal rule of gaining is: FLAVOR IS KING.

      If you keep the rules of FAT FATTENS BEST and FLAVOR IS KING in mind, you will go far.

      Jiffy Peanut Butter with Dark Chocolate is something I wish I had told you about a long time ago! I'm sorry that I just assumed you knew about it, FB. This is my fault.

      I love when my girlfriend makes me PB sandwiches using that instead of regular PB. Sometimes she adds some bacon inside too, if I've been a good boy. Then she rubs my fat rolls near my manhood and I can feel it getting erect down there, and sometimes I orgasm. I am starting to get my boners back again, which is great. I am so large that that is the only way that I can get off, direct stimulation doesn't work because I am too small down there.

      I don't want to add a jar to my Good Morning Milkshake because it would take away the vanilla flavor, and gum up my food processor. It would be much too thick and clog it up. Also, I like a nice vanilla flavor in the morning to help me get my day started. Sure, sometimes I like adding some vanilla vodka to it, but that's only about 50% of the time. Okay, 75%.


    3. Food should be fun for sure. Deep fried fat like cracklins is yummy as is breaded deep fried cheese. One of my all time favorites is fried in creamery butter a peanut butter, bacon and mayonnaise sandwich.

      Glad to hear you are getting boners again. I think that now that you are back on your usual feed you know have the strength to get boners.

      I like a good stiff chocolate martini to fire up my appetite. Right now I'm in the mood for a cheese omlette and Texas toast.

      I think you hot Asian GF needs to lose some weight so that she can fit between your fat rolls and ride your dicklette.

    4. Mmmmmmmmmmm, deep fried food its amazing!
      I love the EpicMealTime "Handle It" video on deep frying burger balls. Your sandwich sounds great.

      I think what has given me back my boners has been that I have recovered from Propecia. You absolutely need to do some research on this HORRIFIC NIGHTMARE of a drug, and put it on your Medical Holocaust blog. This drug has destroyed thousands of men's sexualities, permanently, even after they stop taking the drug. They said it could never cause permanent side effects but that has now been shown to be false, and some have committed suicide over it.

      I lost 240 pounds due to anxiety during the months when I was gone. I was able to pull myself out of it with the help of some anti-anxiety drugs, and now I am off of those and I am able to have boners again. You should look at the propeciahelp website, which has lots of desperate miserable sad guys who have been ruined by the drug desperately talking about different failed treatments to try to improve their symptoms to be able to have a normal sex life again.

      My Asian GF weighs about 95 lbs and could hardly lose much more weight. I don't think she can get thin enough to be able to ride my monster 2 inch rod. It's probably half an inch right now. It could be probably 5 or 6 if I weighed 180 lbs. But the fat rolls are so extreme that I can not usually even find it, and I can definitely feel more underneath the fat, and that gets stimulated when the fat gets rubbed, producing intense sexual stimulation.

      My fat rolls are too filthy and smelly for me to want her in there. The rolls have a thick coating of slime and grime, and I am getting infections there. I am using talc powder now so hopefully that will help, but it's turning into sludge. I need to get more regular fat roll cleanings.


  2. Epic Meal Time gets the GO GO GLUTTON award. Talk about porn for fatties... OINK OINK OINK

    I'm not doing medical holocaust duw to death threats but I know all about the dangers of those testoterone blocking drugs. A lot of fat guys have low testosterone due to their nuts getting crushed by their giant bellies. So far I've been lucky. Propecia can play hell with your mind because it increases estrogen and then you start acting like a crazy bitch.

    95 pounds? YUM!! skinny chicks taste the best. The sweetest meat is closest to the bone.

    That musk that eminates from fat guys is an aphrodisiac to a skinny chick but at only 95 pounds your fat rolls could crush her. If you are worried about the funk have your caregivers build you a pool. William Howard Taft had a custom bath tub and you are Belly Boy for Christ sakes. Have them build you a hot tub with poweful jets too clean out the funk.

    1. I understand why you aren't doing the Medical Holocaust anymore then, and I agree that your safety is too important, especially in the fat movement, so it is correct to suspend Medical Holocaust. A tough choice though.

      The weird thing about Propecia is it actually raises your testosterone about 20%, but that is because it is reducing your DHT (the most powerful form of testosterone) by about 95%, so there is extra testosterone that did not get converted to DHT. Many men can get by on 5% of their DHT but most will have sexual side effects, and for some men dipping that far low can cause permanent problems. I was very worried that that would be me, but thankfully I seem to have made a recovery, and the experimental testicular augmentation surgery in Thailand probably helped me.

      Propecia does increase estrogen like you said, because there is less DHT to convert it to, more converts to estrogen. This increases bitch-like-behavior, and promotes the growth of Man Titties. (As in, "Suck on my man titties!" as Reverend Burn often says.)

      The Nut Crushing problem is something that every fat man has to deal with. Personally, I am using a special cup type device that definitely has helped them stay intact.

      My 95 lbs GF is pretty awesome. I don't want her to lose more weight though, she is at a great weight.

      My fat rolls definitely would crush her, each of my legs probably weighs more than she does. She loves playing with and fondling my fat rolls, and jiggling my man breasts, and motorboating them. She doesn't like my beard, but too bad. It is getting very long since I don't trim it.

      I need to look into some kind of pool, but I am definitely worried about drowning. If I fall over nobody can lift me to get me out, and I tire very easily. I am also worried about slipping and falling, which at my weight is a very real concern.

      The hot tub sounds divine!! I want powerful jets to massage my tired fat body, and get all the bacteria out of my folds, cleaning them. OOOOOOHHH!! That would feel SOOO GOOD!! I'm going to ask about getting a bariatric hot tub! And then I will eat some Hot Tub Hot Dogs!!


    2. OINK! that Propecia and the ones for prostate issues are loaded with nasty side effects. If you google/Bing ask a patient you can find all sorts of horror stories about those drugs.

      I don't think you will drown in a pool. We fatties are very buoyant more so than whales.

      I think you should go to a public pool and do a cannonball. People would be awed!!!

    3. You are quite right, I hadn't thought of that. I love being in the water, and I do really move around easily in a pool. I think with my upper arm strength and lack of knee pain while in water, I would be able to make sure I don't float face down. I should be able to float extremely easily, basically like wearing a life jacket, except it is built into my body.

      This is why morbidly obese men and women need to be formed into special elite water combat units in the military. We can operate where thinlings cannot. We just need bariatric body armor, which will be more expensive, but due to our larger body sizes we can dual wield two machine guns and have double the firepower, since our larger bodies absorb the recoil like it is nothing. A force of 50 SSBBWs and 25 SSBHMs becomes equivalent to at least 150 thinlings in terms of firepower. Sure we will eat as much as 350 soldiers, but that is a small price to pay for extra firepower where it is needed the most, on the battlefield.

      We can also help keep the peace, and "WHAM" like in Vietnam ("Win Hearts And Minds") much better than thin people. That's why it didn't work that well in Vietnam. If we had sent in the SSBBWs and SSBHMs, then they would have said "holy shit, these Americans are so fat, they must have so much food and such a great life over there that I want to be like them!" People also naturally trust fat people more.

      Anyway, I went to the nearby public pool yesterday, and it was quite an experience! I had to use my walker and thankfully I held on to the railings at the diving board, but it was very hard to climb up that high. I climbed up about 30 feet, and when the railing ran out I started to lose my balance because my knees hurt too bad and I can't walk that well. I was going to do a cannon ball but I lost my footing and fell down, my head missed another diving board by about 1 inch, but I landed on my belly and made a huge, agonizing flop. Everyone was cheering for me and my belly hurt so much from the heavy fall.

      It was fun, but I need to probably have some knee replacement surgery like my doctor has been encouraging me to have, before I would be able to do more/better diving. I'm scheduling an evaluation for later this week and we will see if I am a candidate for having both knees replaced, even though in my early 20s it is a bit young, and there are concerns about the anesthesia.


    4. I don't think that our best use in the military would be a combat role. Sure we are big and intimidating and make a great firing platform for a multiple weapons system but we are more suited to operating remote control pilotless drones. Do you thik that there is anyone more skilled at war games than Big Fat RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRReverend Burn? Big Fat RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRReverend Burn is a whizz with a joystick as are most fatties. Guys like you and me would be 5 star generals or professors at a war college.

      There may be a use for us doing some SEAL team stuff Warfare Heavy Attack Logistic Elite teams or WHALE teams.

      I would not think that SSBBWs would be a good choice for diplomatic roles. In this under developed coutries there are a lot of skinny women and I don't have to tell you how hostile BBWs can be towards skinny women. On the other hand, fat men a jolly and most of us are willing to share our food. If we invade another Asian country the women will swoon and the males who are all skinny runts will be awed and intimidated.

      I wish I could have seen you dive and the crowd's reaction. How many hundreds gallons of water do you think you displaced? I bet you were starved after making that long trip up to the high dive tower. What did you eat afterwards?

      Will they do knee surgery on you at your weight? I know that the Chef is having knee trouble (an occupational hazzard of cheffin) and he got a stem cell injection and is feeling much better in his gouty leg. The Chef also injured his knee during his football days. Back when the Chef was playing crackback and chop blocks were legal.

    5. OINK OINK!

      The Weaponized Heavy Assault Landing Expedition (WHALE) team would be a truly elite fighting force. They would be very good at winning over enemy countries by impressing them with their physiques. And as I said, they can use weapons that require multiple people all by themselves, and use one-handed versions of the M16, dual wielding them for double firepower.

      SSBBWs would indeed become jealous of the skinny women in other countries, however, when they are in a pack their fattitude is greatly enhanced, and we will make sure to drill some platitudes into their heads with training. Themes such as "real women have CUUUUUURVES", "fat is SEXY", "we have BIGGER BOOBS", "nobody likes a stick chick", "fat women have more fun", etc, they will be able to maintain their composure. The fact that they will be tall, and fat, those are considered very sexy in countries where everyone is about 5'3" and is very skinny. Their men lust after morbidly obese women, because to them obesity means you are wealthy enough to not have to worry about starving.

      The jolly fat men will be treated like santa clauses (all male WHALEs will be required to grow full beards) and share food with the locals. You are absolutely correct that especially in Asia, their women will lust after our mighty WHALES, begging to get a bit of that Sperm WHALE sauce in them. Of course, only consensual relations will be allowed, and that will be strictly enforced. Same thing with the lady WHALEs.

      The crowd was oohing and aahing as they saw me up on the top of diving board. I had a lot of trouble climbing up because the hand rails are far too narrow and my ass and belly kept getting in the way. I had to climb up sideways because that is how my doctor recommended I go up and down stairs to reduce the chance of falling.

      When I got to the top, I could see a lot of people with their camera phones pointing them at me. I fell and let out a HUGE splash that soaked an entire row of onlookers on one side of the pool, even though I fell in between the two diving boards and not on the side closer to them. I fell to the left and they were to the right of the diving board, in other words. Their phones probably got ruined by the water, but that's what you get for making fun of BELLY BOY! They deserved it. I probably displaced about... I don't know how many gallons of water. It was sort of a wave since I fell at an angle, and it splashed them at about waist level and some of their phones got wet from the splash back and they got soaked!!

      I was surprised at how quickly I floated, and it was very easy for me to float. Fat is lighter than water or something, and I just rise to the top very easily. I am extremely buoyant. Skinny sticks sink like rocks, fat blobs like me rise to the top.

      It turns out that I am not a candidate for knee surgery. They say that I have to lose several hundred pounds, then get stomach surgery, then lose more hundreds of pounds, before they are willing to do it. I am not going for that. It's too much weight loss for me, I am not interested in losing weight. I'm interested in beating fate!!

      Maybe I should look into some Stem Cells. Maybe they can help regrow the cartilage in between my knee joints somehow!

      OH! I forgot to tell you what I ATE afterwards! I was cold, so I knew that I needed some nice hot nachos to help warm up. I had four orders of Chili-Cheese Nachos, four chili dogs with melted cheese (I asked for some extra cheese for my nachos and then dumped it on my chili dogs), and a two-liter of Mountain Dew. For dessert, I treated myself to a root beer float!


  3. Belly Boy Said, "The Weaponized Heavy Assault Landing Expedition (WHALE) team would be a truly elite fighting force."

    Now that you put it that way I can envision it. Any enemy would be scared shitless if the encountered a WHALE team. With the rattatattat of dual M-16 being fired from that stable plaform the enemy would see the futility in trying to win and they would soon surrender.

    Maybe the best female soldiers would be diesel dykes and angry fiminists. Send them in for black ops or "enhanced enterogation". Knowing how women are treated by Middle Eastern men a squad of angry man hating dykes would be like a female version of the Inglorious Basterd but they would be called the Inglorious Bitches. They would instill fear into the enemy.

    I think that some not rug munching fat girls could be used but like you said they would need specialized training. They could slut it up fat girl style and seduce the FA part of the population.


    I like to watch diving but to me a dive without a big splash is a bit dull in spite of all the twists and flips. You dive was much more exciting that anything Greg LugANUS ever did. Except for the tripple Lindy Rodney Dangerfield did in Back to School how many dives actually awe and audience?

    As to the health part of it. Is it the quantity of life that counts or is it the quality? I respect either choice but who would you rather die like. Gandhi or Gandolfini? I want to go out like Gandalfini. Who had more pleasure?

    You weight issues boil down to one thing and that is gravity. Gravity sucks!


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