I Fat Bastard have been known to give sage advice and as a result I get asked a lot of questions.
Jim asks: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
Mark asks: What is love?
A: The delusion that one woman differs from another.
Rick asks: What worse than finding out your wife's got cancer?
A: Finding out it's curable.
Grant asks: Why do wives like to have sex with the lights off?
A: They can't stand to see their husbands have a good time!
Derek asks: Why do wives talk so much?
A. Because they have two sets of lips.
Carlo asks: Why did God create lesbians?
A: So feminists couldn't breed.
Mike asks: Why did God invent the yeast infection?
A: So your wife could know what it's like to live with an irritating
Why do wives fake orgasms ?
Because they think husbands care.
Tim asks: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Chuck asks: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something your wife does while your fucking her.
Dean asks: What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year?
A: They don't fucking listen.
Frank asks: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand to see a man having a good time.
George asks: Why do most men die before their wives?
A: They want to!
Gilbert asks: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%?
A: Wedding Cake!
Dave asks: Why can't you trust your wife?
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't
Bill asks: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Glen asks: Do you know why wives fake orgasm?
A: Because husbands fake foreplay.
Paul asks: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".