Frigid Wife Jokes

It's a fact, 46% of women are sexually dysfunctional and in older women that percentage is higher. Until the scumbag medical industry starts prescribing testosterone to women they will continue to be sickly nasty moody ice cubes.

I, Fat Bastardo will probably remain a bachelor. I only know one married guy who's not in a shitty and sexless marriage. I look at things in practical terms. Now that I am at a healthy weight I don't have to buy whores but I still do. At least a working whore is honest and while some of you think I am paying for sex know this. I am not paying them for sex, I am paying them to leave. I am not saying that there are not honorable women out there but they are few and far between, If I come across one I, Fat Bastardo may have a relationship with her.

In the meantime I will objectify these whores and treat them like the the psycho cum dumps that they truly are.  

Like the auto mechanic in the TV commercial says, "you can pay me now or you can pay be later".  

Here are the jokes courtesy of Sickopedia. Click HERE
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I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed.

Or foreplay, as she calls it.
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Sex with my wife has depreciated like Coca Cola.

"Cocaine", "Caffeine", "Light" and now "Zero".
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I was having sex with my wife and stopped and asked, "Did I hurt you?"
"No. Why do you think you hurt me?"
"Because you moved."
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I couldn't believe my luck when my wife suggested a sex holiday. 

"Oooh," I said, "what did you have in mind?"

"6 months," she replied, "or maybe a year if I'm still not in the mood.

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My wife is so frigid her cunt is vegetarian

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I'm not saying my ex was frigid, but to put it in computer terms, I would call her a "pop-up blocker"


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3 guys are sitting in a pub.
First guy: 'my wife is so frigid, when I put an ice cube in her belly button, after a day it's still frozen'
Second guy: 'That's nothing. When I poor water in her belly button, after a day it's still frozen'
Third guy: 'Hear this: when my wife spreads her legs, the central heating system switches on!'

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Daily Mail Online: Scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Cerne, Switzerland, have announced the discovery of the world's smallest ever drops of liquid.


Where were they looking, my wife's vagina?

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I've been out with loads of girls but they all seem to be really inhibited and never want to get down and dirty with me.

Guess I'm just a real fridge magnet.

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Talking to the wife last night about the amazing things they can do with people's limbs. Hip replacements etc
I said, "They should do something with your legs love"
"What's wrong with em?" She asked, stroking the soft skin on her milky white calf.
"They won't fuckin' open any more!"

When the police told me that my frigid wife had been raped, I wanted to laugh.

But I'd forgotten how.

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For the last few weeks, my wife has been really cold to my advances in bed. So I decided to try a different approach.

I sprayed her in the face with de-icer.

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I can't stand much more of this hot weather.

It looks like the only way I'll cool down is by trying to have sex with my frigid wife.

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Think women are not gold digging whores? Watch this video!

Ask Fat Bastard: Fat Bastard On Wives

I Fat Bastard have been known to give sage advice and as a result I get asked a lot of questions.

Jim asks: Why are married women heavier than single women? A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

Mark asks: What is love? A: The delusion that one woman differs from another. 

Rick asks: What worse than finding out your wife's got cancer? A: Finding out it's curable.

Grant asks: Why do wives like to have sex with the lights off? A: They can't stand to see their husbands have a good time!

Derek asks: Why do wives talk so much? A. Because they have two sets of lips.

Carlo asks: Why did God create lesbians? A: So feminists couldn't breed.

Mike asks: Why did God invent the yeast infection? A: So your wife could know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt.

Jerry asks:  Why do wives fake orgasms ? Because they think husbands care.

Tim asks: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? A: Made her chain too long.


Chuck asks: What is the definition of "making love"? A: Something your wife does while your fucking her.

Dean asks: What do 3 million abused women do wrong every year? A: They don't fucking listen.

Frank asks: Why do women close their eyes during sex? A: They can't stand to see a man having a good time.

George asks: Why do most men die before their wives? A: They want to!

Gilbert asks: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? A: Wedding Cake!

Dave asks: Why can't you trust your wife? A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?

Bill asks: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Glen asks:  Do you know why wives fake orgasm? A: Because husbands fake foreplay.

Paul asks: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for? A: It's Braille for "suck here".