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| Fat rights mean toileting rights. No more clogged toilets and no more double and triple flushing! No more overflowing toilets! No more desperate calls to the Joe the Plumber! No more mess and exhausting toilet plunging. Super sized folks need super sized toilets for their super sized turds. |
Friday, June 1, 2012
Fat People's Most Pressing Political Demands: Bigger Toilets
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FATLING EMERGENCY, FATLING EMERGENCY!!
ReplyDeleteALERT ALERT! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? EVERYONE, STOP EATING FOR JUST A MINUTE AND LISTEN TO ME. PUT DOWN YOUR CHICKEN WINGS. PUT DOWN YOUR SLICE OF PIZZA. OK, YOU CAN EAT THE ICE CREAM BEFORE IT MELTS BUT YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION OK?
Now that I have everyone's attention, I would like to alert you to a devastating assault on our liberty. This is the worst threat to fat people since bariatric surgery.
New York City is planning on banning sodas larger than 16 ounces. This means that New Yorkers will have to get TWO to FOUR cups just to get the normal amount of soda intake they normally get. This is going to make it harder to feed families, and it will lead to homeless people starving to death due to lack of calories.
We need to band together - the apples and the pears, the diesel dykes and the bears, the fat admirers and the feedees, the young and the old, the BBWs and the SSBBWs and the BHMs and the SSBHMs - and fight this. If this law passes, it will pave the way for a ban on all sorts of different foods that we enjoy. It will mutilate the New York economy, which is largely soda-driven.
Having to carry multiple cups is cruel. The is just a big ploy by the cup industry, which is now going to be selling many times more cups. It will also hurt Starbucks because their new 64 ounce frappes will have to be reduced to a mere 16 ounces. I can't get a boner off of that stuff.
I can't really get much of a boner these days at all, because my fat has sort of enveloped my manhood. I used to have about an 8 inch rod, but due to morbid obesity, it went down to a 1 inch micro-penis. Now I can't even really find it that easily, and my Asian girlfriend has to reach all the way down in there and work at the shaft with her lubed up feet.
Anyway, about toilets, they should be bigger. We are eating more, and weighing more, and therefore we are also taking bigger dumps. We need more support. I have broken several toilets, and that was a real wake-up call for me. It made me realize that we need bigger toilets in this society, so I called and lodged some complaints, and I got them to install a Bariatric Toilet at the local bus station, which cost the county $74,000. Now that's a ROYAL FLUSH!! OINK OINK OINK!
BELLY BOY, lubing up his pubic fold
This is happening in MeMe Roth's stomping ground. It has her finger prints all over it. FOOD NAZI! I'd like to give her a good long chewing out.
ReplyDeleteWe appreciate your advocacy Belly Boy on behalf of the toileting needs of us fatlings. Every time I look at a thinling's toilet I see red. I would suggest that you go to an all you can eat buffet and leave them a big clogging bowl filler. That will send a message. OINK!
I too am outraged by the food gestapo. It sure sounds like MeMe Roth may be behind this outrage.
ReplyDeleteI second Rotunda's praise of Belly Boy's toilet advocacy. We fatlings need to stick together on this. Big folks need big toilets. There is no reason to manufacture and sell standard toilets.
With our crumbling infrastructure the time has come to up size our sewage system. That will create jobs. This is one more example of why gluttony and obesity are good for the economy. Gluttony creates jobs. Belly Boy's efforts pumped $74,000 into the local economy. OINK!