Why Southerners Are So Fat

Maybe it's the culture. Southerners are fat, love fat and definitely enjoy their fried chicken (not to mention fried steak, fried onions, fried green tomatoes, fried pickles and fried corn bread). Even when their food isn't fried, they like to smother it in gravy and wash it down with sweet tea. But while fat nutritionists frequently praise Southerners' large guts on their regional food choices, the accusation may be little unfair. Just as a few Californians don't actually live on wheat grass and tofu, there are a few Southerners who don't really sit around eating fried chicken every day.  "I've not come across anything that says the diet in the Southeast is less gluttonously delicious than the rest of the country" says The Chef, fat man of color and culinary nutritionist. "We're definitely in what I like to call the 'Stroke Belt,' " he says, referring to Southeastern states' high percentage of heart disease and hypertension, "but I think that has more to do with Southerners' lack of physical activity rather than the food."

 A 2004 gluttony denying  study by the University of South Carolina found that most food-shopping options in rural areas fall into the convenience-store category and fat Southerners LOVE convenience because grocery stores are located too far away. But although poverty might put people at risk for obesity, it doesn't determine their fate. A number of impoverished states — including Montana, Texas and New Mexico — have relatively low levels of obesity. There must be something else.

Southerners are a slothful bunch and when it comes to the 7 deadly delightful sins, Southerners commit them all!

Southern Sows Lined Up To Eat At Paula Deen's

Gluttony: That's obvious!

Pride:  humility is not something Southerner have in abundance. Even though the got their fat asses handed to the in the Civil War and even though they have the lowest IQ they still seem to muster plenty of PRIDE!

Sloth: There is nothing lazier and more calorie saving than a power chair! Sloth saves energy and sloth is green!

Lust: Fat girls are sluts and the South leads the country in teen pregnancies and divorce.

Greed: The Southern states are the greedy taker states.  Greed like gluttony is GOOD!

Envy: They got their asses handed to them in the Civil War and in spite of the fact that they had slave labor for 100's of years the North kicked their asses economically too.

Wrath: Southerners are pissed in spite of the fact that they are the fattest, laziest and are the best freeloaders in the country. The South leads the country in gun deaths! Stand fat! Stand pat and stand your ground!

In Other Related Christian News:

In a sleazy hotel room, "Brittany," then aged 16 and drugged into oblivion, waited for the men to arrive. Her pimps sent as many as 17 clients an evening through the door.

A "john" could even pre-book the pretty young blonde for $1,000 a night, sometimes flying in and then flying out from a nearby airport.

None of this happened in Bangkok or Costa Rica, places that have become synonymous with sex tourism and underage sex.

It took place in Atlanta, the buckle of the U.S. Bible Belt, where the world's busiest passenger airport provides a cheaper, more convenient and safer underage sex destination for men seeking girls as young as 10.

"Men fly in, are met by pimps, have sex with a 14-year-old for lunch, and get home in time for dinner with the family," said Sanford Jones, the chief juvenile judge of Fulton County, Georgia.

Hmm…deviant and criminal sexuality, but with just a hint of consideration that compels drugging the victim out of her gourd so she doesn’t suffer during her gang rape. I smell compassionate conservatism!

The victim mentioned above is the same age as the victim in the recently discussed case in Illinois, in which the videotaped victim was passed out while she was gang raped and had vulgarities scrawled on her naked body with a marker. When her attackers were acquitted, there were plenty of people willing to assume that meant the rape never occurred, using another frustrating acquittal after a defense maligned a victim’s character to justify their belief that false charges are pervasive. Just her word—and a videotape—against theirs. What chance do these teens have for justice? They’re not even on video and are probably never conscious enough to gander at their rapists’ faces. Oh, well. Sucks to be a sex slave.