The Beatitudes of Fat Bastardo

Jesus got most of it wrong. His beatitudes promote victimization and allow the punks and bullies aka corporate gangster to prosper while others suffer. God wants people to be suckers and victims and he wants them that if they remain saps they will have a great reward in heaven. Don't eat that shit sandwich and don't think that you need to take your morality from a collection of books that are mostly bullshit.

The Beatitudes of Jesus


"Blessed are the poor in spirit, 
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are they who mourn, 
for they shall be comforted. 

Blessed are the meek, 
for they shall inherit the earth. 

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 
for they shall be satisfied. 

Blessed are the merciful, 
for they shall obtain mercy. 

Blessed are the pure of heart, 
for they shall see God. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, 
for they shall be called children of God. 

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, 
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven? What the fuck does that even mean? And besides, heaven is a dangerous place. Lucifer got sick of God's ego and a big war broke out. Sure glad I wasn't there when that happened.

Blessed are they who mourn? Everybody mourns and many people never get over the death of a loved one. God must being in a constant state of mourning because people die every second. Actually, God, if it exists, doesn't give a shit about the death and suffering of his kids because if he did he would not allow death and suffering.

Blessed are the meek? This implies that people who won't say shit even if they have a mouthful of it are special. Sorry, those people are fools. For they shall inherited the earth? The earth is going to be a cinder. Who wants that?

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied? This is complete and total BS. People in this world get rarely get satisfied except for the self-righteous hypocrites like Ben Carson and Mike Huckabee.

Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy? God is not merciful so when the Higgs Boson works its magic and destroys existence God will obtain no mercy. He will be snuffed out along with the rest of us.

Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God? Must not be any people pure of heart because of there were someone would have seen God and besides if anyone actually sees God they will die.

Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live. And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put theein a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen. Exodus 33:20-23

Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God? There are no peacemakers other than the Colt Peacemaker and cheap knockoffs. People make war and they make war to make profits and to transfer wealth to the already rich. Peace it the absence of war so the notion that there peacemakers can exist is patently absurd.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven? Heaven is a dangerous and lawless place run by a depraved despot. 

Fat Bastardo's Beatitudes 

Blessed are the poor who steal from the rich for they shall be called Robinhood.

Blessed are those who show corporate gangsters no mercy for they shall be called patriots.

Blessed a those who do not mince words for they shall be called honest.

Blessed are those who exterminate war mongering hypocrites and purge their DNA from the gene pool for they shall be called smart.

Blessed are those to take shit for the sake of righteousness and give it back 10 fold, for they shall be called bringers of justice.

Foolish are the meek for they shall be called perpetual victims and suckers.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for knowledge and truth for they shall be called liberals and progressives.