The Beatitudes of Fat Bastardo

Jesus got most of it wrong. His beatitudes promote victimization and allow the punks and bullies aka corporate gangster to prosper while others suffer. God wants people to be suckers and victims and he wants them that if they remain saps they will have a great reward in heaven. Don't eat that shit sandwich and don't think that you need to take your morality from a collection of books that are mostly bullshit.

The Beatitudes of Jesus


"Blessed are the poor in spirit, 
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are they who mourn, 
for they shall be comforted. 

Blessed are the meek, 
for they shall inherit the earth. 

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 
for they shall be satisfied. 

Blessed are the merciful, 
for they shall obtain mercy. 

Blessed are the pure of heart, 
for they shall see God. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, 
for they shall be called children of God. 

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, 
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven? What the fuck does that even mean? And besides, heaven is a dangerous place. Lucifer got sick of God's ego and a big war broke out. Sure glad I wasn't there when that happened.

Blessed are they who mourn? Everybody mourns and many people never get over the death of a loved one. God must being in a constant state of mourning because people die every second. Actually, God, if it exists, doesn't give a shit about the death and suffering of his kids because if he did he would not allow death and suffering.

Blessed are the meek? This implies that people who won't say shit even if they have a mouthful of it are special. Sorry, those people are fools. For they shall inherited the earth? The earth is going to be a cinder. Who wants that?

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied? This is complete and total BS. People in this world get rarely get satisfied except for the self-righteous hypocrites like Ben Carson and Mike Huckabee.

Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy? God is not merciful so when the Higgs Boson works its magic and destroys existence God will obtain no mercy. He will be snuffed out along with the rest of us.

Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God? Must not be any people pure of heart because of there were someone would have seen God and besides if anyone actually sees God they will die.

Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live. And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put theein a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen. Exodus 33:20-23

Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God? There are no peacemakers other than the Colt Peacemaker and cheap knockoffs. People make war and they make war to make profits and to transfer wealth to the already rich. Peace it the absence of war so the notion that there peacemakers can exist is patently absurd.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven? Heaven is a dangerous and lawless place run by a depraved despot. 

Fat Bastardo's Beatitudes 

Blessed are the poor who steal from the rich for they shall be called Robinhood.

Blessed are those who show corporate gangsters no mercy for they shall be called patriots.

Blessed a those who do not mince words for they shall be called honest.

Blessed are those who exterminate war mongering hypocrites and purge their DNA from the gene pool for they shall be called smart.

Blessed are those to take shit for the sake of righteousness and give it back 10 fold, for they shall be called bringers of justice.

Foolish are the meek for they shall be called perpetual victims and suckers.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for knowledge and truth for they shall be called liberals and progressives.

Paul Ryan + Ayn Rand = Anti-Christ

Watch all the videos! I don't think that there is an actually anti-Christ as described in the Bible but if your Jesus, the Christian Jesus, is a Sermon on the Mount Jesus, then Paul Ryan truly is a vritual anti-Christ in that he is in total opposition of what most Christians and non Christians believe Jesus was and represented. Paul Ryan is to polar opposite of  "compassionate conservatism" which is endorsed by conservative Christians like Charles Colson. Ayn Rand was the polar opposite of Jesus Christ.

Matthew 5

The Beatitudes

¹And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. ²Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:

³"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
    For they shall be comforted.
⁵Blessed are the meek,
    For they shall inherit the earth.

⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    For they shall be filled.
⁷Blessed are the merciful,
    For they shall obtain mercy.
⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
    For they shall see God.
⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
    For they shall be called sons of God.
¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
¹¹"Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. ¹²Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Romney Elitist Snob

If you don't understand the implications of Romney disrespecting the working poor then you are an asshole worse than Mitt Romney.

When we look at the words of Christ Jesus which are recorded below, we are reminded what it is to be a true follower of His.

Would you like some help understanding the Sermon on the Mount?  If so, please CLICK HERE to read a verse by verse commentary of the Sermon on the Mount.

 

SOURCE: THE GOSPEL OF MATTHEW

DATE WRITTEN : 63 AD

Matthew 5

The Beatitudes

¹And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. ²Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:

³"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
    For they shall be comforted.
⁵Blessed are the meek,
    For they shall inherit the earth.

⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    For they shall be filled.
⁷Blessed are the merciful,
    For they shall obtain mercy.
⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
    For they shall see God.
⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
    For they shall be called sons of God.
¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
¹¹"Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. ¹²Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Romney 5

When we look at the words of Christ Jesus which are recorded below, we are reminded what it is to be a true follower of His.

SOURCE: Romney's $50,000 a plate dinner.

The Greeditudes

¹And seeing the multi millionaires, He went up on a podium, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. ²Then He opened His lying mouth and taught them, saying:

³"Fuck are the poor in money    

   For theirs is the to make the rich richer.
⁴Blessed are those who invest offshore,
    For they shall be compensated.
⁵Blessed are the greedy,
    For they shall inherit the earth.

⁶Fuck those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    For they shall be fucked.
⁷Blessed are the greedy,
    For they shall obtain wealth.
⁸Blessed are the bankers,
    For they shall see gold.
⁹Wicked are the peacemakers,
    For they shall harm the military industrial complex.
¹⁰Blessed are those who have prostituted for moneys' sake,
    For theirs is the kingdom of Fort Knox.
¹¹"Blessed we who revile and persecute working people, and say all kinds of evil against them falsely for My sake. ¹²Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in tax shelters, for so they made huge profits who were before you.