Republicans Are Christian Hypocrites: Cut Your Throat Chris Christie

Republicans Are Christian Hypocrites: Cut Your Throat Chris Christie

Look at this big fat hypocrite oinking away. Either stop enjoying food so much or slit your own throat. Chris Christie is a big fat greedy glutton and normally we would like that but he's also a Christian and Christians are not supposed to be gluttons. Clearly Chris Christie is a glutton. Look and that fat fuck oink for job killer Romney.



Here is a brief interview with Chris Christie conducted by the Chef.



Chef: What do your think about the fact that Romney won't fess up about his taxes?

Christie: OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK!!

Chef: While Governor, Mitt Romney outsourced jobs to India. What are you thoughts on that?

Christie: OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK!! We have some great Indian restaurants here in Jersey.

Chef: What do you think of Romney's flip flop on Roe v Wade?

Christie: OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK!!  When I;m is a boat big enough to not sink I have the slaves row. If you are talking about abortion I really don't give a shit cause I'm too fat to fuck.

Chef: Would you like to be in Romney's is he gets elected cabinet?

Christie: Yes and in his pantry, refrigerator, freezer, cookie jar and lunch box. Are we done? Let's eat! OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK!!

The Chris Christie Scandal

I was just hoping that there would be a miracle and by a miracle I mean an honest, moral and sane Republican. What made Christie even more impressive is that we thought he was one of us - a loud mouthed fat ass who isn't afraid to tell it like it is. As I have pointed out in several op eds, fat men make the best presidents e.g. Bill Clinton, Teddy Roosevelt and William Howard Taft. Christie's recent criminal and moronic activity have not only destroyed his presidential hopes and political career they have broken the hearts of fatlings everywhere.

Chris Christie Had Lap Band Surgery

 A few weeks ago Bigger Fatter Politics was on the verge endorsing Chris Christie for president but now in retrospect we believe that his fatness and fattitude played a huge role in our almost endorsement. It is now clear that the man is a sellout. If Christie really wanted to lose weight he would eat less and move more. Deep down he wants to be fat so this latest move to have gastric/ghastly banding will have some serious repercussions to his psyche. Christie will lose his edge.sweep and identity. The normally large and in charge Governor Christie will become common little man. His commanding stature and bearing will be gone. As his impressive size wanes so will his approval rating. He can kiss the fat vote goodbye. As Hillary beefs up for her Presidential run/waddle Christie is already losing momentum, ie, weight increases momentum.

There are Other Options

Christie's handlers probably never told him about HAES (Health At Every Size), FATT (Food All The Time) and EATT (Eat All The Time).

They are probably under the mistaken impression that a fat man cannot be a natural vote getter. It seems those idiots forgot about Gov. Christie's huge approval rating and the fact that he won the NJ governorship as a Republican in Democratic New Jersey. 

Mark my words, as Chris Christie's weight drops he will plummet proportionately in the polls. Every man from guys like our own Internet reporter Belly Boy and Joe sixpack to Joe the plumber like guys like Chris Christie. Think about it, who was the most liked man on the television show Cheers? It wasn't Cliff Claven nor was it Sam Malone. The most popular character was Norm Peterson. Let's take the show Saturday Night Live. The most popular stars of that show undoubtedly were John Belushi and Chris Farley. I hate to break it to the angry fat girls in the fat acceptance movement but the truth is Americans love fat men but they do not like fat women. There is no mystery here. Fat men simply are much more pleasant than fat women. It is a scientific fact, fat men are jolly and charming.

Bigger Fatter Politics may not agree completely with Chris Christie's politics but we are a fan and a friend; so while we may not endorse him and his presidential run we still like the guy and not just because he's fat. Time will tell how much of his lead he will lose as his weight evaporates. Will he lose his sweep the way Al Roker did?

Politics is a cross between entertainment and combat sports. I've already named some of the great fat people in the entertainment field but I feel I should name a few more – WC Fields, John Candy, Ruben Studdard, Jackie Gleason, Barry White, Luther Vandross, Jason Alexander, etc. etc. etc. now let's move to sports. Everybody loved and loves William the refrigerator Perry, Eric Esche who is better known as the Butterbean, Roy big country Nelson, wrestler Mick Foley, Haystacks Calhoun, Andre the Giant and who doesn't love all those Japanese sumo wrestlers? Americans love big fat man. We big fat men command respect. People grovel at our largeness. America is fat and for the fat man in the White House who is used to throwing his weight around, America will throw its weight around in a world that seriously needs to get knocked off its high horse and in the case of the middle east its high camel.

"I'm da biggest, so I'm da boss!" 

Like the Chef, Chris Christie has been so far in his life a big man with a big appetite who makes no apologies for it. America does not need an apologist when it comes to foreign policy. Chris Christie's I'm fat and fuck you attitude harkens back to the very successful cowboy diplomacy of Ronald Reagan. Reagan pretty much told Gorbachev that we, the US is stronger than the Soviet Union and bigger than the Soviet Union and if you try to screw with us you won't win. That's the kind of leadership America needs. There are times when the world needs to know that might really does make right. A fat Chris

Christie could have shown the world that not only does might make right but fat makes right as well. Walking softly and carrying a big stick may have worked for Harry S Truman but we are not living in the 1950s. Truman never had to deal with the Muslim threat and when it comes to Muslims using the big stick repeatedly is all they understand because unlike the Russians, Muslims are stupid. Unlike the Russians, Muslims are cowards and they have very little to back up their rhetoric. A Chris Christie with fattitude would call them on that. Chris Christie could go to a summit meeting with these Muslim malcontents and devour a large pepperoni pizza with sausage and extra cheese right front of them and while he is making short work of that pizza he could say to them "think of me as the United States and think of this pizza is you. In other words, as easily as I can eat this pizza the United States of America can chew you up and crap you out so watch your step". If Chris Christie did that those baby raping camel blowing wifebeating Muslims would be shaking in their turbans. Had Christie been president during the Bush years we would not have needed to use shock and awe to subdue Iraq; Chris Christie's mere presence is shock and awe.

Christie Had Better Not Bite Off More Than He Can Swallow!

 You can see from the diagram to your left the dangers of gastric banding surgery. Chris Christie is a glutton and as much as he tries to modulate his eating eventually he will slip into glutton mode and the massive influx of food, eg, burgers, fries, pie, fried chicken, double cheese pizzas, Buffalo chicken wings, Doritos, tacos, candy bars, cookies, doughnuts and meet salads  will cause a bottleneck to occur at the site of the band. If this happens Gov. Christie could choke to death.

There are other problems with gastric banding that will plague the governor. The stomach works by chemically and mechanically breaking down the food. Gov. Christie stomach has a working overtime to accomplish this very important task in the digestive process. With the band in place his powerful stomach will rebel which will cause the governor to vomit but it gets worse. Because the food that the governor eats will reach the small intestine and a less processed state the governor will experience a lot of gastric discomfort and by the time the food reaches the governor's large intestine it will be incompletely digested so the governor will be starting up a storm and will be instances where he will crap his pants.

As a natural glutton Chris Christie will figure out ways to circumvent the restriction in his stomach. Like the majority of weight loss surgery victims Gov. Christie will resort to satisfying his food lust with liquefied foods. Christie will be eating a lot of pudding, milkshakes, sweet tea, regular Coca-Cola, lattes and various alcoholic beverages. In no time at all Gov. Christie will be at his normal 6000 to 7000 calorie range and any weight may have lost with the gastric band he will quickly regain and if he's anything like gorgeous girl glutton Carnie Wilson he will put it on very quickly. When that happens the sharks in the media will be ridiculing the governor and the fat jokes that are funny now will become cruel barbs. Any self-esteem that Christie had while he was fat large and in charge will soon evaporate.

Gov. Christie needs to understand one thing and one thing only, the very thing that Republicans live by. Gluttony is good!

 

Chris Christie Secretly Had Lap Band Stomach Surgery To Rapidly Lose Weight

Max Nisen | 23 minutes ago | 609 | 3

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Chris Christie

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's weight is frequently the butt of jokes or criticism, to which he usually responds with good humor. It's occasionally cited as holding back a potential presidential run. But now, he's told the New York Post that he had lap band stomach surgery on February 16th in an effort to quickly lose weight.
He says he agreed to the surgery at the urging of his friends and family, and because he's looking out for his four children. Christie's pre-surgery weight was estimated at somewhere between 300 and 350 pounds.

Sources told The New York Post that he's lost some 40 pounds since the surgery.

He says its not about a Presidential run though, telling the Post “It’s so much more important than that."

Christie went to great lengths to keep the procedure secret, registering under a false name for the surgery, and having his doctor make house calls instead of going into his office.
He even turned to advice from Jets coach Rex Ryan, who underwent similar surgery and lost over 100 pounds, and ended up using the same surgeon, NYU's Dr. George Fielding.

Though Christie denies the move has anything to do with his Presidential ambitions, it's definitely going to increase speculation that he's looking to run, because his weight quickly became a campaign issue when he was sounding out a run in 2012.