A few weeks ago Bigger Fatter Politics was on the verge endorsing Chris Christie for president but now in retrospect we believe that his fatness and fattitude played a huge role in our almost endorsement. It is now clear that the man is a sellout. If Christie really wanted to lose weight he would eat less and move more. Deep down he wants to be fat so this latest move to have gastric/ghastly banding will have some serious repercussions to his psyche. Christie will lose his edge.sweep and identity. The normally large and in charge Governor Christie will become common little man. His commanding stature and bearing will be gone. As his impressive size wanes so will his approval rating. He can kiss the fat vote goodbye. As Hillary beefs up for her Presidential run/waddle Christie is already losing momentum, ie, weight increases momentum.
There are Other Options
Christie's handlers probably never told him about HAES (Health At Every Size), FATT (Food All The Time) and EATT (Eat All The Time).
They are probably under the mistaken impression that a fat man cannot be a natural vote getter. It seems those idiots forgot about Gov. Christie's huge approval rating and the fact that he won the NJ governorship as a Republican in Democratic New Jersey.
Mark my words, as Chris Christie's weight drops he will plummet proportionately in the polls. Every man from guys like our own Internet reporter Belly Boy and Joe sixpack to Joe the plumber like guys like Chris Christie. Think about it, who was the most liked man on the television show Cheers? It wasn't Cliff Claven nor was it Sam Malone. The most popular character was Norm Peterson. Let's take the show Saturday Night Live. The most popular stars of that show undoubtedly were John Belushi and Chris Farley. I hate to break it to the angry fat girls in the fat acceptance movement but the truth is Americans love fat men but they do not like fat women. There is no mystery here. Fat men simply are much more pleasant than fat women. It is a scientific fact, fat men are jolly and charming.
Bigger Fatter Politics may not agree completely with Chris Christie's politics but we are a fan and a friend; so while we may not endorse him and his presidential run we still like the guy and not just because he's fat. Time will tell how much of his lead he will lose as his weight evaporates. Will he lose his sweep the way Al Roker did?
Politics is a cross between entertainment and combat sports. I've already named some of the great fat people in the entertainment field but I feel I should name a few more – WC Fields, John Candy, Ruben Studdard, Jackie Gleason, Barry White, Luther Vandross, Jason Alexander, etc. etc. etc. now let's move to sports. Everybody loved and loves William the refrigerator Perry, Eric Esche who is better known as the Butterbean, Roy big country Nelson, wrestler Mick Foley, Haystacks Calhoun, Andre the Giant and who doesn't love all those Japanese sumo wrestlers? Americans love big fat man. We big fat men command respect. People grovel at our largeness. America is fat and for the fat man in the White House who is used to throwing his weight around, America will throw its weight around in a world that seriously needs to get knocked off its high horse and in the case of the middle east its high camel.
"I'm da biggest, so I'm da boss!"
Like the Chef, Chris Christie has been so far in his life a big man with a big appetite who makes no apologies for it. America does not need an apologist when it comes to foreign policy. Chris Christie's I'm fat and fuck you attitude harkens back to the very successful cowboy diplomacy of Ronald Reagan. Reagan pretty much told Gorbachev that we, the US is stronger than the Soviet Union and bigger than the Soviet Union and if you try to screw with us you won't win. That's the kind of leadership America needs. There are times when the world needs to know that might really does make right. A fat Chris
Christie could have shown the world that not only does might make right but fat makes right as well. Walking softly and carrying a big stick may have worked for Harry S Truman but we are not living in the 1950s. Truman never had to deal with the Muslim threat and when it comes to Muslims using the big stick repeatedly is all they understand because unlike the Russians, Muslims are stupid. Unlike the Russians, Muslims are cowards and they have very little to back up their rhetoric. A Chris Christie with fattitude would call them on that. Chris Christie could go to a summit meeting with these Muslim malcontents and devour a large pepperoni pizza with sausage and extra cheese right front of them and while he is making short work of that pizza he could say to them "think of me as the United States and think of this pizza is you. In other words, as easily as I can eat this pizza the United States of America can chew you up and crap you out so watch your step". If Chris Christie did that those baby raping camel blowing wifebeating Muslims would be shaking in their turbans. Had Christie been president during the Bush years we would not have needed to use shock and awe to subdue Iraq; Chris Christie's mere presence is shock and awe.
Christie Had Better Not Bite Off More Than He Can Swallow!
You can see from the diagram to your left the dangers of gastric banding surgery. Chris Christie is a glutton and as much as he tries to modulate his eating eventually he will slip into glutton mode and the massive influx of food, eg, burgers, fries, pie, fried chicken, double cheese pizzas, Buffalo chicken wings, Doritos, tacos, candy bars, cookies, doughnuts and meet salads will cause a bottleneck to occur at the site of the band. If this happens Gov. Christie could choke to death.
There are other problems with gastric banding that will plague the governor. The stomach works by chemically and mechanically breaking down the food. Gov. Christie stomach has a working overtime to accomplish this very important task in the digestive process. With the band in place his powerful stomach will rebel which will cause the governor to vomit but it gets worse. Because the food that the governor eats will reach the small intestine and a less processed state the governor will experience a lot of gastric discomfort and by the time the food reaches the governor's large intestine it will be incompletely digested so the governor will be starting up a storm and will be instances where he will crap his pants.
As a natural glutton Chris Christie will figure out ways to circumvent the restriction in his stomach. Like the majority of weight loss surgery victims Gov. Christie will resort to satisfying his food lust with liquefied foods. Christie will be eating a lot of pudding, milkshakes, sweet tea, regular Coca-Cola, lattes and various alcoholic beverages. In no time at all Gov. Christie will be at his normal 6000 to 7000 calorie range and any weight may have lost with the gastric band he will quickly regain and if he's anything like gorgeous girl glutton Carnie Wilson he will put it on very quickly. When that happens the sharks in the media will be ridiculing the governor and the fat jokes that are funny now will become cruel barbs. Any self-esteem that Christie had while he was fat large and in charge will soon evaporate.
Gov. Christie needs to understand one thing and one thing only, the very thing that Republicans live by. Gluttony is good!
Chris Christie Secretly Had Lap Band Stomach Surgery To Rapidly Lose Weight
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's weight is frequently the butt of jokes or criticism, to which he usually responds with good humor. It's occasionally cited as holding back a potential presidential run. But now, he's told the New York Post that he had lap band stomach surgery on February 16th in an effort to quickly lose weight.
He says he agreed to the surgery at the urging of his friends and family, and because he's looking out for his four children. Christie's pre-surgery weight was estimated at somewhere between 300 and 350 pounds.
Sources told The New York Post that he's lost some 40 pounds since the surgery.
He says its not about a Presidential run though, telling the Post “It’s so much more important than that."
Christie went to great lengths to keep the procedure secret, registering under a false name for the surgery, and having his doctor make house calls instead of going into his office.
He even turned to advice from Jets coach Rex Ryan, who underwent similar surgery and lost over 100 pounds, and ended up using the same surgeon, NYU's Dr. George Fielding.
Though Christie denies the move has anything to do with his Presidential ambitions, it's definitely going to increase speculation that he's looking to run, because his weight quickly became a campaign issue when he was sounding out a run in 2012.
He says he agreed to the surgery at the urging of his friends and family, and because he's looking out for his four children. Christie's pre-surgery weight was estimated at somewhere between 300 and 350 pounds.
Sources told The New York Post that he's lost some 40 pounds since the surgery.
He says its not about a Presidential run though, telling the Post “It’s so much more important than that."
Christie went to great lengths to keep the procedure secret, registering under a false name for the surgery, and having his doctor make house calls instead of going into his office.
He even turned to advice from Jets coach Rex Ryan, who underwent similar surgery and lost over 100 pounds, and ended up using the same surgeon, NYU's Dr. George Fielding.
Though Christie denies the move has anything to do with his Presidential ambitions, it's definitely going to increase speculation that he's looking to run, because his weight quickly became a campaign issue when he was sounding out a run in 2012.
Chris Christie may or may not have had lap band surgery. I smell a conspiracy here... it's just a bit hard to believe that he would abandon what got him into office in the first place. Usually the fatter man tends to win in elections, or at least men who have better taste in terms of food. Allow me to break this down for you with some Belly Boy Style Analysis that you cannot find anywhere else except on Bigger Fatter Politics.
ReplyDeleteLet's take a trip back to 1976. Jimmy Carter goes up against Gerald Ford, who was the President despite the fact that nobody voted him into that office. It was Nixon-Agnew in 1972, and Agnew ended up resigning because of some sort of scandal from when he was the governor of Maryland. He wrote a book about it, but just changed the names of everyone and you could clearly tell that he was writing about himself. Since Ford was the Speaker of the House, he became the new Vice President Then Nixon resigned in 1974 because of Watergate, elevating Ford to the office of the Presidency, even though he was not on the original ticket. He promptly pardoned Nixon to spare the nation further trouble and embarrassment, although this made him deeply unpopular and proved to be what cost him the 1976 election. As an interesting side note, had he won, he would have been allowed to run again in 1980, because if you serve less than 2 years because you got promoted through a vacancy, it doesn't count towards your two-term limit. So he could have served up to 10 years instead of just 8.
Jimmy Carter was the governor of Georgia, who initially had lost elections to Lester Maddox. Maddox started a restaurant near the Georgia Tech campus in 1944 at age 26, it was "whites-only", and when the Civil Rights Act was passed in 1964 he refused to comply with it. One of the things in that law says that you can't refuse to serve a customer because of their race. He framed it as a property rights issue, and banned all out-of-state travelers, black people, and white integrationalists (people who oppose segregation.) Facing court action, he leased and then sold his restaurant rather than drop his racist policies, catapulting him to hero status in good ol' Georgia. His restaurant had been known to sell excellent fried chicken and other southern fare.
He had run for state office several times, in 1957 and 1962, losing out to a non-segregationalist and then in '62 another segregationist. He ran again in 1966, after the restaurant situation had made him famous, and this time he ran for Governor. He came in second, to the Republican segregationist candidate (Maddox was a Democrat.) However, there were write-in votes for a liberal non-segregationalist, and the third place candidate Jimmy Carter had enough of the non-racist vote so that there was no majority winner. This sent it to the state legislature, which was mostly democratic, and they voted Maddox into office even though he came in second place.
Part II to come...
Once in office, Maddox appointed African Americans to several important state office positions, boosted salaries for teachers, racially integrated the state's farmers markets, and his policies greatly increased the economy in Georgia. He left with an 84% approval rating, but the Georgia constitution forbade him from running for a second consecutive term. So he decided to run for Lieutenant Governor, which he easily won.
ReplyDeleteThis time Jimmy Carter won the governor spot, and did not get along well with Maddox. Carter came from a peanut farming background, and peanuts are a source of high caloric content, especially when made into butter form.
So as you can see, food plays a key role in American politics. This election is going to come down to Hillary Clinton, who will get lots of women votes for standing by her cheatin' man, which Christian voters will like as it shows forgiveness. Meanwhile, Christine O'Donnel will try to win on her "I'm not a witch" platform, competing against Chris "Crisco" Christie, Bobby Jindal, Wilford Brimley, Donald Trump, Gretchen Carlson, Ashlee Simpson (who will be DQ'd for being too young to run), and Marco "Polio" Rubio.
Extremists from the far-right wing of the party feel like they already made a concession trying a "moderate" (who wasn't really a moderate) in Romney, so this time they will go for who they really want. They will remember that Christie was warm and welcoming towards President Obama when he came to support New Jersey during the hurricane, aka being a decent human being and putting people first like a governor is supposed to. This will cost him the Republican nomination, and they will go with Marco Rubio on the theory that "Hispanics will vote for a dude that looks like them even if he supports policies that hurt Hispanic voters." They will lose, and Hillary will win in 2016. Around that time, the economy will finally start to recover, and she will be hailed as an economic genius just like her husband, and glide into a second term against fragmented and frustrated Republican opposition.
BELLY BOY, OUT
Once again Belly Boy your logic and erudition is flawless which brings me to what Rotunda Hindenberg and I have been saying all along. Christie needs to be a third party candidate. He needs to run as Pizzacrat and join the Pizza Party.
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