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A morbidly obese gargantuan, barely discernable as a member of the human species; closely related to the water dwelling beast
indigenous to the African continent, but with the power of speech, and a
penchant for processed foods, bad hygiene and Yoo-hoo as opposed to
melons and leafy greens. Will kill unwitting individuals who impede
access to foods, compete for desired foods, or appear to be foods
themselves.
Male or female, they are often
seen terrorizing supermarkets in electric 'opotomus' carts, as their
legs are unable to support their near liquid, oozing, and corpulent
girth. They are known to plunder the chip aisle and consume fried dough,
pork rinds, and patronize chain
buffets, where it is common to discover they are ‘platinum feast
members’.
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| Fat kids are cute! |
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| Glutton Mike Huckabee and His Fat Family |
These creatures also procreate at an alarming rate, and are
oft seen towing their bloated progeny in the quest for saturated fat,
salt, and high calorie food substitutes at state fairs and other festive
venues to include tractor pulls and professional wrestling events.
Although easily recognizable by sheer size, other tell tale signs are
inability to ambulate due to weight, soiled t-shirts and sweat pants,
children sporting sticky non-specific and nebulous substances about face
and mouth. In rare cases, manopotomus may be able to detach lower
mandible in order to consume entire cakes or other large pastries in a single bite and in the absence of liquid facilitation in a manner akin to many reptiles.
I have grave concerns about bringing super super morbidly obese people to the polls. Due to the long lines they will undoubtedly have severe hunger attacks and the fever for the flavor of a Pringles.
The manopotomus can be a very very aggressive especially when hungry. I urge super sized fatlings to request an absentee ballot and to vote early and vote often.
We fatlings demand fat friendly voting!
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