Sunday, April 28, 2013

Guns and Other Methods For Home Protection and Defense

I, Fat Bastard, am a staunch defender of the 2nd Amendment but more than that I am a staunch defender of something even more precious these days -- THE TRUTH --

A gun should be the last line defense to protect you and your family from an intruder. The best defense starts with the deterrents.

Snarling dogs and/or a burglar alarm are far more effective than a gun. Keeping bad guys out in the first place is the best way of protecting your castle. When it comes to dogs the more the merry. My personal favorites for home protection are the German Shepherd, Boxer, Doberman Pincher, Dogue de Bordeaux, Wolf Shepherd and the venerable Rottweiler. Other suitable guard dogs include are big boys like the Bullmastiff, Irish Wolfhound, Great Dane, Rhodesian Ridgeback/African Lion Hound (used to hunt lions) Akita, St Bernard and Giant Schnauzer.

Putting the Bite on the Bad Guys.

If you are looking for sheer biting force the Rottweiler comes in with an impressive 328 PSI of devastating chomp. Shepherds have a bite force of up to 238 PSI, which is quite impressive, since the dogs average 75 to 85 pounds. Pit bulls bite at only 71 percent of the strength of Rottweiler's with a recorded bite force of a meager 235 PSI. Bigger is better. When Obama was in trouble during the 2012 campaign he called in Bill the big dog Clinton so if you want a powerful canine protector that can chew up bad guy faster than Bill Clinton can wreck a lying Republican go with a Bullmastiff. At a whopping 556 PSI, the bite force of Mastiffs is most powerful of all the breeds. To put that into perspective; the Great White Shark has a bite force of 625 PSI and a male lion bite is 650 PSI. Pound for pound the Bullmastiff has the most powerful bite and weighs in at svelte 160 pounds. You can easily beef one up to over 200 pounds of muscle with food and anabolic steroids.

OK Michael Vick, try killing one of these dogs like you killed your pit bulls! This bad ass motha fucka will fuck you right the fuck up bitch!

The only dog-like creature that can beat a Bullmastiff for pure bite force is the Hyena that sports a devastating bite force of a bone crushing 1100 PSI.

They don't fuck around in Africa when it comes to personal protection. There they use Hyena hybrids that appear to be bred with some sort of large dog. US law forbids Americans from owning hyenas. The animals with the highest biting forces are the hippopotamus, American alligator and the crocodile. Unfortunately the dogs with the most powerful biting force the Borophagine dogs or bone crushing dogs became extinct millions of years ago. Perhaps the folks from Jurassic Park can mix their ancient DNA with a modern dog and produce a pooch with the bite force of a goddamn alligator.

These teeth are made for biting and that's just what they'll do. If you break into my house they'll bite the shit right out of you!

Dogue de Bordeaux, the Norm Peterson of dogs! Its bite is worse than its bark!

Burglar alarms are also a great deterrent. If you have a burglar alarm system an intruder will move onto a house that is unprotected. An intruder can kill even the best guard dog but it will be much more difficult for a home invader to disable a blaring burglar alarm. Alarm systems will scare off most intruders and a more sophisticated system can contact the police. One drawback of burglar alarm systems is they tend to produce false alarms. A simple system without a lot of fancy sensors and an uncomplicated key pad is a best buy. Even something as simple a sign saying you have an alarm system will scare off most intruders. Motion activated lights are also a good idea.

Let the Bodies Hit the Floor!

Let's say you are a dumb fuck neocon and your hound dog is a big fat pussy like you and the trailer park won't allow burglar alarms then you need to do what shotgun Joe Biden said and GET A SHOTGUN! In spite of what the morons and haters on the right are saying, a shotgun is the best weapon for home defense. A shotgun is the fat boy of home defense. A blast from a shotgun has 10 times more ft/lbs of muzzle energy than that of a .45 ACP and a .45 ACP fired from a Colt 1911 can drop a horse. That's why Colt designed them and why the US Army used them.

A 12 gauge shotgun chambered with a 3" shell containing 00 buckshot can put 18 .33 cal pellets at 1600 FPS into an intruder, dropping him where he stands. If you hit them with a 12 gauge slug you are sending a whopping .62 caliber hunk of lead through them. They will be dead before they even hit the floor. A close range blast to the face with any shotgun load and we're talking a closed casket funeral. That would sure be doing the undertaker and the perpetrator's family a huge favor!

Shotgun Joe Biden knows that a double barrel shot is an all America all purpose defensive weapon!

Triple barrel shotguns are now available in 12 gauge!

Buy Triple Barrel Shotguns HERE!

Shotgun loads can be customized. Less powder and more pellets are ideal for close range home defense applications. The modern shotgun is merely a refined version of the blunderbuss. The blunderbuss is the grandaddy of intruder neutralization weapons. When pirates tried to board merchant ships sailors would fire blunderbusses and take out three or four with one shot. Let's see a wimpy AR-15 do that.

Clearly, Uncle Joe Biden aka Shotgun Joe Biden and Uncle Fester know home defense. Put yourself in a home invader's shoes. If you were robbing a home what would you rather be shot with, a wimpy 9mm or a wimpy .223 cal round or 18 .33 cal lead balls with a combined weight of 2 ounces screaming at you at a blistering 1600 fps? What do you think you'd have a better chance of surviving?

The US military uses a the .223 round for a good reason. The round wounds the enemy and the thinking is that when an enemy combatant is wounded it will take more people off the battle field. If you are dealing with a home intruder you what that son of a bitch dead as a door nail as quickly as possible. It will save you the hassle of addending his trial and it will save the taxpayers the cost of a trial and incarceration. Let's see a .223 to that. The 12 gauge shotgun is a fiscally responsible home defense weapon.

Now for some visual proof.

Hit with a turkey load from a 12 gauge

Compliments of a Remington 870 and 00 buck shot

Hit with a wimpy small caliber round

Peppered in the face with birdshot! He's a goner!

Hit with a shotgun blast!

Hit with an AR-15's .223 round

12 gauge shotgun wound!

Any questions?

Some slightly less lethal weapons for home defense

Nothing says fractured skull and permanent brain damage quite like a tomahawk.In the right hands a tomahawk can devastate an intruder.

A blackthorn shillelagh in the hands of a fat pissed off drunken Irishman can spell doom for a home invader.

One swing of this Claymore sword by this fat Scotsman and you'll be half the man you used to be. With one mighty blow this sword can cut you in two.

Nothing says get the fuck out of my house quite like a modern battle axe. If you are not married to a battle axe, this is the next best thing.

I've always been a huge fan of the flame thrower. Nothing is more fun than getting drunk and spraying a can of WD-40 at a Bic lighter.

JFK after taking 3 rounds from a 6.5 mm Carcano Manlicher

Saturday, April 27, 2013

My How We Have Grown Fat

The biggest guy in 1903 would be a skinny runt today! Today the average fatling is fatter than the fattest guy was in 1903. OINK! In a mere 100 years Americans have reached gargantuan proportions. The American obesity ~~epidemic~~ bloom is inspiring! OINK! OINK! OINK!
EAT EAT EAT!!

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
USA! USA! USA! USA!USA!

PIG Prestige Integrity and Guts

We we we we we we at Bigger Fatter Politics would like to thank our men and women in blue for ushering in the big fat era of greedy gluttony. Now America has another good reason to call them pigs. BACON BACON I SMELL BACON OINK OINK OINK

Fattest Jobs for Men

Public Safety

(58 percent obese): This job includes more than just the police officials; security or anyone involved with government--whether it is at the local, state or national level. Although the positions are important to keep our citizens safe, the job itself often involves sitting on their behinds in a car while eating donuts and does not allow for a lot of movement other than beating a suspect.

Private household occupations

(37.7 percent obese): Telecommuting and working from home have been on the upswing due to exceedingly high gas prices. Those who work from home may be saving money on gas, but the truth is these jobs often involve little more than sitting in front of a computer screen. It probably doesn't help much that the fridge is no more than a few rooms away.

Motor vehicle operators

(35.9 percent obese): They may help us get from point A to point B, but the fact remains, motor vehicle operators are stationary throughout their work day. In fact, one study of bus drivers in the Philadelphia found that male bus drivers had higher body mass indexes (BMI) than the national average in all age demographics.

Computer equipment operators

(33.1 percent obese): This should come as no surprise. If your job revolves around computer equipment, it also revolves around inactivity. What's more, a study conducted by Statistics Canada found that adults who spend over three hours a day sitting in front of a computer are more likely to be obese.

Health assessment/treating occupations

(41.2 percent obese): The clean, sterile surroundings in which health assessment employees work give off the perception of a healthy environment. The truth is your doctors, nurses MRI technicians, pharmacy aides, medical assistants, and lab analyzers aren't doing much as far as healthy movement goes. These positions require long, odd hours that can make evening or weekend workouts difficult.

OINK!

Monday, April 22, 2013

A Tribute to Skinny Women

We at Bigger Fatter Politics are a fat centric a food centric political blogging organization. As a result of this mission and direction we tend to post mostly images of fat people and most of them are BBWs and SSBBWs. The fact of the matter is, Arafat male readers prefer skinny women because as you all know it is very difficult for fat man to pork a fat girl but it is much easier for fat man to bone a skinny woman. With that in mind I, Fat Bastard, am presenting whan fat men love almost as much as food… skinny women.

Too keep our fat admirers happy we have interspersed a few images of chubby, fat and obese women. To put you even more in the mood I embedded the classic song Boney Maroney. Listen to it as you view the gallery of skinny and waifish hotties.

Boney Maroney by Larry Williams

Today's Version of Boney Maroney

A woman with slender thighs can much more easily ride a fat lummox in both cowgirl and reverse cowgirl style.

The only thing a fat guy likes more than a box of munchkins from Dunkin' Donuts is the box of the skinny girl in her little munchkins.

It's true. It's true. It's damned true. Anything over mouthful really is wasted!

Add caption

Hot chocolate BBW hos slut it up big time for appreciative brothas. Roll, roll, roll them rolls. Booty shaking BBW sistas flaunt fabulous flab.

Waifish wonder displaying delightful and dainty derrière.

The fatter the hide the better ride. Skinny women are finally discovering the joys of being with a fat man.

Fat Bastard basking with two members of his hired harem

Lucky lummox with his slender sweetie.

Gorgeous girl glutton greedily gobbling goodies

Waifish wench wasted on Cabo Wabo

Yes fat boy you can wank now!

Why Islam Sucks

OK, I Fat Bastard clicked on this video on Youtube because the chick was hot but instead of appreciating her hotness I was even more impressed with what this Romanian lovely had to say about Islam. Islam is a filthy dirty religion and that is not just me, Fat Bastard saying it. The Koran and Haddith prove that Islam is a vile religion and it followers are lower than pig vomit.

Muslim ideology is what helped lead to the Boston Marathon bombing. The fact is when there is a terror attack anywhere in the world 99% of the time the perpetrators are Muslims.

Not all Muslims are terrorists but most terrorists are Muslims. Many people will say that Islamic terrorism is committed by a few bad apples. We would all like to believe that but the truth is a large percentage of Muslims are bad apples and they approve of terrorism against non Muslims.

MuslimTerrorism

ICM Poll: 20% of British Muslims sympathize with 7/7 bombers
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1510866/Poll-reveals-40pc-of-Muslims-want-sharia-law-in-UK.html
NOP Research: 1 in 4 British Muslims say 7/7 bombings were justified
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/08/14/opinion/main1893879.shtml&date=2011-04-06
http://www.webcitation.org/5xkMGAEvY
People-Press: 31% of Turks support suicide attacks against Westerners in Iraq.
http://people-press.org/report/206/a-year-after-iraq-war
YNet: One third of Palestinians (32%) supported the slaughter of a Jewish family, including the children:
http://pajamasmedia.com/tatler/2011/04/06/32-of-palestinians-support-infanticide/
http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4053251,00.html

World Public Opinion: 61% of Egyptians approve of attacks on Americans
32% of Indonesians approve of attacks on Americans
41% of Pakistanis approve of attacks on Americans
38% of Moroccans approve of attacks on Americans
83% of Palestinians approve of some or most groups that attack Americans (only 14% oppose)
62% of Jordanians approve of some or most groups that attack Americans (21% oppose)
42% of Turks approve of some or most groups that attack Americans (45% oppose)
A minority of Muslims disagreed entirely with terror attacks on Americans:
(Egypt 34%; Indonesia 45%; Pakistan 33%)

About half of those opposed to attacking Americans were sympathetic with al-Qaeda’s attitude toward the U.S.
http://www.worldpublicopinion.org/pipa/pdf/feb09/STARTII_Feb09_rpt.pdf
Pew Research (2010): 55% of Jordanians have a positive view of Hezbollah
30% of Egyptians have a positive view of Hezbollah
45% of Nigerian Muslims have a positive view of Hezbollah (26% negative)
43% of Indonesians have a positive view of Hezbollah (30% negative)
http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/
Pew Research (2010): 60% of Jordanians have a positive view of Hamas (34% negative).
49% of Egyptians have a positive view of Hamas (48% negative)
49% of Nigerian Muslims have a positive view of Hamas (25% negative)
39% of Indonesians have a positive view of Hamas (33% negative)
http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/
Pew Research (2010): 15% of Indonesians believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified.
34% of Nigerian Muslims believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified.
http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/
Populus Poll (2006): 12% of young Muslims in Britain (and 12% overall) believe that suicide attacks against civilians in Britain can be justified. 1 in 4 support suicide attacks against British troops.
http://www.populuslimited.com/pdf/2006_02_07_times.pdf
http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist
Pew Research (2007): 26% of younger Muslims in America believe suicide bombings are justified.
35% of young Muslims in Britain believe suicide bombings are justified (24% overall).
42% of young Muslims in France believe suicide bombings are justified (35% overall).
22% of young Muslims in Germany believe suicide bombings are justified.(13% overall).
29% of young Muslims in Spain believe suicide bombings are justified.(25% overall).
http://pewresearch.org/assets/pdf/muslim-americans.pdf#page=60
Pew Research (2011): 8% of Muslims in America believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified (81% never).
28% of Egyptian Muslims believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified (38% never).
http://www.people-press.org/2011/08/30/muslim-americans-no-signs-of-growth-in-alienation-or-support-for-extremism/
Pew Research (2007): Muslim-Americans who identify more strongly with their religion are three times more likely to feel that suicide bombings are justified
http://pewresearch.org/assets/pdf/muslim-americans.pdf#page=60
ICM: 5% of Muslims in Britain tell pollsters they would not report a planned Islamic terror attack to authorities.
27% do not support the deportation of Islamic extremists preaching violence and hate.
http://www.scotsman.com/?id=1956912005
http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist.html
Federation of Student Islamic Societies: About 1 in 5 Muslim students in Britain (18%) would not report a fellow Muslim planning a terror attack.
http://www.fosis.org.uk/sac/FullReport.pdf
http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist
ICM Poll: 25% of British Muslims disagree that a Muslim has an obligation to report terrorists to police.
http://www.icmresearch.co.uk/reviews/2004/Guardian%20Muslims%20Poll%20Nov%2004/Guardian%20Muslims%20Nov04.asp
http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist
Populus Poll (2006): 16% of British Muslims believe suicide attacks against Israelis are justified.
37% believe Jews in Britain are a "legitimate target".
http://www.populuslimited.com/pdf/2006_02_07_times.pdf
http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist
See also: http://wikiislam.net/wiki/Muslim_Statistics_(Terrorism) for further statistics on Islamic terror.

Does anyone think that they will hesitate in nuking us if they can get their hands on a bomb?

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Peace Through Gluttony and Obesity

Peace Through ~~Prosperity~~ Gluttony

By Fat Bastard

We all know what the sanctions in the Treaty of Versailles did when inflicted upon war torn Germany after WW-1. When you impede a human being's natural greed they get really pissed off and end up doing bad things. The Treaty of Versailles did not punish the Bismarkians but it instead punished the German people or at least that is what is argued by some historians. Germany was hurting economically before WW-2. This was one of the factors that allowed the Nazi party to come to power.

http://stevehickey.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/john-banner.jpg

Fat, Content and Jolly Sergeant Shultz

http://www.fullissue.com/wp-content/uploads/julius-caesar.jpg

A Caesar Salad

Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.

Cassius appeared to Caesar like an underfed anorexic chick bent on stealing a fat girl's boyfriend. His "lean and hungry look" unsettled Julius Caesar, who preferred the company of fat, contented men—who wouldn't bite the hand that feeds them. Cassius looks like he's been up late nursing his envy, a situation that bodes ill for the dictator.

I'm sure you are all thinking now, "OK Fat Bastard, how does this apply to modern times?"

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4062/4686996262_0235b3b634.jpg

Nuke Leftovers NOT People!

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton needs to get her skinny ass back in the kitchen and feed Bill! Have you seen how skinny Bubba is these days? It's appalling. Instead of Hillary going over to the Middle East and trying to broker a peace with those crazy goat humping baby raping Mooslims we need to send these folks FOOD. Bring some Krispy Creme donunts next time you negotiate with Mahmoud AhMADineJihad.

Food is not only the language of love but it is the language of peace. Food transcends all language. When people are making yummy sounds they're not in the mood to quarrel and the fatter they get the hungrier they are and the more often they will eat and the more yummy sounds they will make. YUM! I say fatten up all the Muslims at Gtimo and before you know it they will be begging for bacon double cheese burgers and giving up valuable information to get them!

Make Pie Not War!

Let's crunch some numbers. It costs over 100 million dollars just to kill one Taliban asshole. That's insane! Put a few hundred fast food restaurants in Afganistan. Make some McGoat Burgers or some Camel Humpin Fries and serve them at a price any Taliban moron can afford. I can see it now. Instead of those ass-lifters shouting Allah Akbar (God is Great) as they cut off some infidel's head they will be shouting McDonalds Akbar! (McDonald's is great!) Compared to the crap they eat once they get a taste of fast food, McDonalds will have them eating a McSausage Pig Burgers.

http://images49.fotki.com/v1494/photos/5/1222605/7482072/Mc-vi.jpg

Sure there will be some fundamentalist holdouts but for them I say send them some Moon Pies. After all, they do worship that silly Pagan Moon god. Put some ice cream on it it and call it Pie Allah Mode. They'll love it.

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs45/f/2009/140/f/4/Muslim_McDonald_by_Telpo.jpg

Here's a sample menu:

Sharia Shakes (beaten like a Muslim wife)

Haddith Hash Brown (made with opiated hashish)

Mohammad Burgers (goat meat patties served by a 9 year old girl... like the kind Rush Limbaugh fucks when he's in the Dominican Republic on a sex tour or like Mohammad's wife Aisha)

Fedayeen Fries (after eating them you will martyr yourself for no reason)

Jihad Dogs (made with real dog meat)

Hamas Hot Cakes (made with yellow cake uranium)

Iraq of Lamburgers

Fat people are simply too fat and lazy to fight.

Fighting is too much work! Why fight when you can be enjoying your favorite fast food?

http://lauramartinez.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/mcdonalds.jpg

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFQu1cb1qwauPTuQlwGEQ4R6bEt_5PsXH5CtgvCf2iBc4KwdGYeW4e52EpH-9YXAmRqhElAXoECYKygp4_4JNyyFDqyTxwyCGjJwDIH9byq3lCAbETQYABBUtayi5OttmIZsAa37Amzexz/s1600/ronald-mcdonald-kabaa.jpg

There is not one single fatling in this crowd. That's the problem. Fat = Sedate. Build MeccaDonalds all over the Middle East and watch the Muslims feast!

He who lives by the fork shall not die by the sword!

(Maybe we should nuke Mecca?)

It's all about promoting tolerance and not lactose intolerance. When it comes to promotion McDonald is the world leader. The Mecca of fast food could be Mecca! Instead of Muslims making a pilgrimage to Mecca and getting all whipped up and angry they'll be hopping on their camels and galloping down to their local Mikey D's to get fat and ~~apathetic~~ content just like us.

http://healthhabits.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/quadruple_bypass_burger.jpg

Why would you want to chop some poor slob's head off when you can sink your choppers into this bad boy?