$$$ Free Money For Fat People $$$

$$$ FREE Money For Fatlings $$$ By Coach Gaines

Coach Gaines is the author of EAT EAT EAT You Big Fat Pig, Fat Girls are Sluts, Hoggin: A Guide for College Freshmen, Advanced Hoggin: How to Land the Biggest Sow, Fat Girls and Feeders, Care and Feeding of Your BBW and SSBBW, Feederism a Beginner's Guide and his Pulitzer Prize winning documentary: Fat Girls and Feeders

 

CHA CHING! $$$$ Compliments of Uncle Sam $$$$

One of the nicest things about porking fat women is that many of them are simply too fat to work. That means that they are home all day just waiting for a feeding and a fucking from yours truly. One secret that the old fat acceptance with their victim mentality will not tell you is that you can get free money, housing and medical benefits simply for being too fat. When I hear the vitriol from the angry hens like Kelly Bliss in the old fat acceptance movement I hasten to remind them just how fat friendly society and Uncle Sam have become. Fat Bastard is currently on SSDI and SSI due to the disabling condition of his obesity but little did he know that simply being fat would qualify him for disability long before the heart disease, diabetes and bad knees kicked in. Cha Ching! This is another example of how the old fat acceptance through their intellectual dishonesty and their warped ideology have dropped the ball and further harmed fat people. At the next NAAFA convention, if there even is one this year, Fat Bastard and I will be serving a HUGE plate of crow to NAAFA's big wigs.

Bon Appetite NAAFA!

Gluttonous Fatlings are indeed becoming a protected and special class. Unlike Blacks who had to march and be killed just to receive basic human rights, all fatlings need to do is get fatter and whine since they have already become the majority. Fatlings did not even need a dynamic leader and martyr like Dr Martin Luther King. The only debt of gratitude that is owed by the fat community is big thank you to the food industry for serving their needs and never forgetting that the customer is always right, the medical community for all the advances that enable fat people to grow fatter and fatter and fatter and to Uncle Sam for accommodating the needs of all fat Americans regardless of color, creed or national origin and Bill Fabrey of Ample Stuff. USA USA USA USA! May the Belly God Bless America!

$$$ Social Security Disability and Morbid Obe$ity $$$

There was a time when Morbid Obesity was specifically listed in the social security impairment book, or blue book, as a disabling condition. Individuals filing for social security disability (SSD) or supplemental security income (SSI) benefits were evaluated according to a social security height/weight chart and, if their statistics met the blue book definition of obesity, they could be awarded benefits based on that condition alone.

All that changed in 1999, when Social Security no longer recognized obesity as an inherently disabling condition. The logic was that many obese individuals are able to lead productive lives and hold gainful employment. Today, you can still be awarded disability benefits for obesity, Cha Ching but only if you can demonstrate through medical records that your obesity is causing other physical symptoms severe enough to prevent you from working.

Is There a Fat Friendly Doctor In the House?

In other words, you must show, not only that you are obese, but that you are unable to work, either due to the existence of other related medical conditions such as arthritis, musculoskeletal disorders, diabetes, decreased pulmonary function (extreme difficulty breathing), etc., or due to the fact that your obesity is in itself so severe it limits you from performing work and other activities of daily living, such as driving a car, bathing, walking, etc. Cha Ching!
If your obesity is aggravating (or the cause of) medical conditions such as asthma, cardiac arrhythmia, edema, arthritis, etc., then you would file for disability based on the condition that is listed in the blue book (not obesity).

If you are morbidly obese but do not suffer from any other serious medical condition, you may still qualify for SSD/SSI benefits in the form of a medical vocational allowance, commonly referred to as a Med-Voc. A Med-Voc allowance is awarded to individuals that can show that their condition, while not listed in the blue book, is so severe that it prevents them from performing any form of gainful employment. Cha Ching! Med-Voc allowances rely heavily on a physician’s statement of your residual functional capacity (RFC), a form detailing exactly what activities you can and cannot perform in light of your medical condition.

RFC assessments are made by physicians who provide input on SSD and SSI cases for the social security administration. However, a claimant can obtain such an assessment from their own physician and submit this. Fat freindly doctor and Cha Ching! If you are planning on filing for disability based on obesity alone, you should ask your physician to fill out an RFC for you, or you may be asked to attend a consultative exam (CE) with a social security doctor, who will assess your impairment and the extent to which it limits your physical activity.



In the case of morbid obesity, an RFC will most likely be required by the disability examiner evaluating your claim, and it’s better to have the form completed by your own Fat Friendly treating physician rather than one who works for the social security administration (SSA).

Note: an RFC form is freely available from this site and can be downloaded at the bottom of the homepage for www.disabilitysecrets.com

Just take in the majesty of this man and all other gluttonous fatlings. If some fat phobic jock or some Goody Two Shoes like anorexic kill joy MeMe Roth complain that tax dollars are being spent to accommodate simply say to them, "Shut the fuck up douche canoe!" I knew Kate Harding was good for something.


Fat Bastard Being Fat and Majestic!


Obligatory Image of a Sexy Plump Porkable Poker.

Afternoon delight is not just about ice cream; it's about man cream. I love it. When fat girls don't have to work they have plenty of time to play. There are millions of these hot sexy SSBBWs waiting at home for a fat admirer to deliver the sausage.

Death to the Birthers

Birthers and Donald Trump Can Go Fuck Themselves

I Fat Bastard stopped being a Republican in 2006 but what really sealed the deal was McCain picking the moron slut Sarah Palin. While the GOP remains the party of greed and gluttony they are now overshadowed by the sex sandals, lies and racism. The party of Reagan is no more and this Birther shit has really pissed me off. The GOP (Group Of Perverts) is trying to fire up the racist and moron vote with this latest ugly reincarnation of the Birther movement now led by that flaming asshole Donald Trump aka Ronald Rump because he is such an ass face. As a response to Rump's latest load of lies Bigger Fatter Blog is presenting conclusive evidence that like the song says, our president Barack Obama was BORN IN THE USA!

This evidence comes from many sources and was compiled by the CONSERVATIVE Pulitzer Prize Winning St Petersberg Times and FACT CHECK. This was all explained in August of 2008.


Here's the 411 on Obama's place of birth.

Born in the U.S.A.

August 21, 2008

Updated: November 1, 2008

The truth about Obama's birth certificate.

Summary

In June, the Obama campaign released a digitally scanned image of his birth certificate to quell speculative charges that he might not be a natural-born citizen. But the image prompted more blog-based skepticism about the document's authenticity. And recently, author and suspected pedophile Jerome Corsi, whose book attacks Obama, said in a TV interview that the birth certificate the campaign has is "fake."

We beg to differ. FactCheck.org staffers have now seen, touched, examined and photographed the original birth certificate. We conclude that it meets all of the requirements from the State Department for proving U.S. citizenship. Claims that the document lacks a raised seal or a signature are false. We have posted high-resolution photographs of the document as "supporting documents" to this article. Our conclusion: Obama was born in the U.S.A. just as he has always said. BORN IN THE USA!

Update, Nov. 1: The director of Hawaii’s Department of Health confirmed Oct. 31 that Obama was born in Honolulu.

Analysis

Update Nov. 1: The Associated Press quoted Chiyome Fukino as saying that both she and the  registrar of vital statistics, Alvin Onaka, have personally verified that the health department holds Obama's original birth certificate.

Fukino also was quoted by several other news organizations. The Honolulu Advertiser quoted Fukino as saying the agency had been bombarded by requests, and that the registrar of statistics had even been called in at home in the middle of the night.

Honolulu Advertiser, Nov. 1 2008: "This has gotten ridiculous," state health director Dr. Chiyome Fukino said yesterday. "There are plenty of other, important things to focus on, like the economy, taxes, energy." . . . Will this be enough to quiet the doubters? "I hope so," Fukino said. "We need to get some work done."

Fukino said she has “personally seen and verified that the Hawaii State Department of Health has Sen. Obama’s original birth certificate on record in accordance with state policies and procedures."

Since we first wrote about Obama's birth certificate on June 16, speculation on his citizenship has continued apace. Some claim that Obama posted a fake birth certificate to his Web page. That charge leaped from the blogosphere to the mainstream media earlier this week when Jerome Corsi, author of a book attacking Obama, repeated the claim in an Aug. 15 interview with Steve Doocy on Fox News.

Corsi: Well, what would be really helpful is if Senator Obama would release primary documents like his birth certificate. The campaign has a false, fake birth certificate posted on their website. How is anybody supposed to really piece together his life? Doocy: What do you mean they have a "false birth certificate" on their Web site? Corsi: The original birth certificate of Obama has never been released, and the campaign refuses to release it. Doocy: Well, couldn't it just be a State of Hawaii-produced duplicate? Corsi: No, it's a -- there's been good analysis of it on the Internet, and it's been shown to have watermarks from Photoshop. It's a fake document that's on the Web site right now, and the original birth certificate the campaign refuses to produce.

Corsi isn't the only skeptic claiming that the document is a forgery. Among the most frequent objections we saw on forums, blogs and e-mails are:

• The birth certificate doesn't have a raised seal.
• It isn't signed.
• No creases from folding are evident in the scanned version.
  
• In the zoomed-in view, there's a strange halo around the letters.
• The certificate number is blacked out.
• The date bleeding through from the back seems to say "2007," but the document wasn't released until 2008.
• The document is a "certification of birth," not a "certificate of birth."
  

Recently FactCheck representatives got a chance to spend some time with the birth certificate, and we can attest to the fact that it is real and three-dimensional and resides at the Obama headquarters in Chicago. We can assure readers that the certificate does bear a raised seal, and that it's stamped on the back by Hawaii state registrar Alvin T. Onaka (who uses a signature stamp rather than signing individual birth certificates). We even brought home a few photographs.

The Obama birth certificate, held by FactCheck writer Joe Miller

Alvin T. Onaka's signature stamp

The raised seal

Blowup of text

You can click on the photos to get full-size versions, which haven't been edited in any way, except that some have been rotated 90 degrees for viewing purposes.

The certificate has all the elements the State Department requires for proving citizenship to obtain a U.S. passport: "your full name, the full name of your parent(s), date and place of birth, sex, date the birth record was filed, and the seal or other certification of the official custodian of such records." The names, date and place of birth, and filing date are all evident on the scanned version, and you can see the seal above.

The document is a "certification of birth," also known as a short-form birth certificate. The long form is drawn up by the hospital and includes additional information such as birth weight and parents' hometowns. The short form is printed by the state and draws from a database with fewer details. The Hawaii Department of Health's birth record request form does not give the option to request a photocopy of your long-form birth certificate, but their short form has enough information to be acceptable to the State Department. We tried to ask the Hawaii DOH why they only offer the short form, among other questions, but they have not given a response.

The scan released by the campaign shows halos around the black text, making it look (to some) as though the text might have been pasted on top of an image of security paper. But the document itself has no such halos, nor do the close-up photos we took of it. We conclude that the halo seen in the image produced by the campaign is a digital artifact from the scanning process.

We asked the Obama campaign about the date stamp and the blacked-out certificate number. The certificate is stamped June 2007, because that's when Hawaii officials produced it for the campaign, which requested that document and "all the records we could get our hands on" according to spokesperson Shauna Daly. The campaign didn't release its copy until 2008, after speculation began to appear on the Internet questioning Obama's citizenship. The campaign then rushed to release the document, and the rush is responsible for the blacked-out certificate number. Says Shauna: "[We] couldn't get someone on the phone in Hawaii to tell us whether the number represented some secret information, and we erred on the side of blacking it out. Since then we've found out it's pretty irrelevant for the outside world." The document we looked at did have a certificate number; it is 151 1961 - 010641.

Blowup of certificate number

Some of the conspiracy theories that have circulated about Obama are quite imaginative. One conservative blogger suggested that the campaign might have obtained a valid Hawaii birth certificate, soaked it in solvent, then reprinted it with Obama's information. Of course, this anonymous blogger didn't have access to the actual document and presents this as just one possible "scenario" without any evidence that such a thing actually happened or is even feasible.

We also note that so far none of those questioning the authenticity of the document have produced a shred of evidence that the information on it is incorrect. Instead, some speculate that somehow, maybe, he was born in another country and doesn't meet the Constitution's requirement that the president be a "natural-born citizen."

We think our colleagues at PolitiFact.com, who also dug into some of these loopy theories put it pretty well: "It is possible that Obama conspired his way to the precipice of the world’s biggest job, involving a vast network of people and government agencies over decades of lies. Anything’s possible. But step back and look at the overwhelming evidence to the contrary and your sense of what’s reasonable has to take over."
In fact, the conspiracy would need to be even deeper than our colleagues realized. In late July, a researcher looking to dig up dirt on Obama instead found a birth announcement that had been published in the Honolulu Advertiser on Sunday, Aug. 13, 1961:

Obama's birth announcement

The announcement was posted by a pro-Hillary Clinton blogger who grudgingly concluded that Obama "likely" was born Aug. 4, 1961 in Honolulu.

Of course, it's distantly possible that Obama's grandparents may have planted the announcement just in case their grandson needed to prove his U.S. citizenship in order to run for president someday. We suggest that those who choose to go down that path should first equip themselves with a high-quality tinfoil hat. The evidence is clear: Barack Obama was born in the U.S.A.

Update, August 26: We received responses to some of our questions from the Hawaii Department of Health. They couldn't tell us anything about their security paper, but they did answer another frequently-raised question: why is Obama's father's race listed as "African"? Kurt Tsue at the DOH told us that father's race and mother's race are supplied by the parents, and that "we accept what the parents self identify themselves to be." We consider it reasonable to believe that Barack Obama, Sr., would have thought of and reported himself as "African." It's certainly not the slam dunk some readers have made it out to be.

When we asked about the security borders, which look different from some other examples of Hawaii certifications of live birth, Kurt said "The borders are generated each time a certified copy is printed. A citation located on the bottom left hand corner of the certificate indicates which date the form was revised." He also confirmed that the information in the short form birth certificate is sufficient to prove citizenship for "all reasonable purposes."

–by Jess Henig, with Joe Miller

Sources

United States Department of State. "Application for a U.S. Passport." Accessed 20 Aug. 2008.

State of Hawaii Department of Health. "Request for Certified Copy of Birth Record." Accessed 20 Aug. 2008.

Hollyfield, Amy. "Obama's Birth Certificate: Final Chapter." Politifact.com. 27 Jun. 2008.

The Associated Press. "State declares Obama birth certificate genuine" 31 Oct 2008.

Nakaso, Dan. "Obama's certificate of birth OK, state says; Health director issues voucher in response to 'ridiculous' barrage" Honolulu Advertiser 1 Nov 2008.

Teen Mom's Picture With Her Baby Boy Banned From Year Book

Just like any other high school student and BBW, Caitlin Tiller of Trinity, North Carolina was excited to take her official senior portrait in the summer of 2012.

Caitlin Tiller...SCARED OF YOU!

That year, Wheatmore High School students were allowed to be photographed with a prop of their choice. Their only directions: "Bring something that represents you and helped you achieve something." For Tiller, then a 17-year-old junior, it was a no-brainer: She brought her 3-month old bastard son, Leelin.

"I picked my bastard son because unlike my parents he's helped me be a better person," Tiller told Yahoo! Shine. "By having him, I grew up quickly but I learned how to be responsible."

Although Tiller didn't tell anyone that she was planning to bring Leelin, the photo shoot, which took place where the food is in the school cafeteria, went smoothly. "Lots of kids were there and the photographer thought Leelin was so cute. Everyone was asking to hold him, what an ego rush" says Tiller.

An entire year went by and Tiller graduated in December, six months before her official graduation date on June 7, 2013, in order to enter Randolph Community College in January. Tiller, now 18, is currently studying to become a medical assistant.

On April 12, two days before the yearbooks went to press, Tiller received a call from the school's yearbook adviser. "She said I had to take a different photo because the one I took promoted teen pregnancy," said Tiller. "They called on my son's birthday and I was gorging myself on cake so I said I wasn't available and besides, I choose Leelin because he represented what I've achieved in life simply by acting like an irresponsible slut. Like a histrionic drama queen I said if Leelin can't be in the photo, then I won't be either. The adviser said, 'That's your choice. Then you won't be in the yearbook' and hung up on me."   Read more here

IN OTHER NEWS: WHY TRUMP IS A SUSPECT IN JEFF EPSTEIN'S MURDER

Related link: Marilyn Monroe's Weight and Dress Size

Related link: Thigh Gap and Real Women

Related link: Fat Privilege vs Thin Privilege

God is pro choice. What the Bible really says about abortion. http://biggerfatterpolitics.blogspot.com/2015/05/abortion-democrats-republicans-and-bible.html

Fat Bastard

Fat Bastard's Comment:

What's the big deal? Fat girls are getting themselves knocked up all the time. It's no secret that fat girls are sluts and have a higher rate of out of wedlock pregnancies and STDs than skinny women but so what? Her little man trapper and meal ticket Leelin certainly helped her achieve a lot. Leelin got her a baby's daddy and a long ride on the Gravy Train. If little Leelin has some sort of birth defect that is common among children of fat girls Caitlin will have hit the mother lode. 

Caitlin will manage to find another sucker father for her next pup and then another sucker father for the pup after that one and she will be one sow living high on the hog. Fat girls like Caitlin will use the golden uterus ploy for all it's worth. Squirt out another one you fat little drama queen.

When I first read this I thought this was another example of the school over reacting and perhaps my first thought was correct but then again, I Fat Bastard see the school's side. A dog can get pregnant and so can a pig and there is nothing glamorous about either. Caitlin is in hog heaven with everyone ooing and cooing over her baby who she will quickly turn into a fat little piglet.

For her cunning and her drama we give Caitlin 4 out of 5 oinks. 
  OINK OINK OINK OINK

Here's A Running List Of President Trump's Lies And Other Bullshit ...

Fat Bastard's Favorite Things

Like most fat guys my two favorite things are food and skinny women but one of my other favorite things are dogs and the meaner the better.

What's black and brown and looks great on a Republican/child molester? A Doberman!

When it come to ass kicking dogs the go for the throat Doberman Pinscher is the Cadillac of guard/attack dogs. Some may argue that the German Shepherd is the consummate attack dog but in a fight the Doberman would make quick work of a German Shepherd and the Doberman has far more bite force. Dobermans also have a very intimidating look and bearing.

Dobermans instinctively go for the throat and don't let go. These dogs are killers.

Check out those impressive fangs and that powerful neck on this majestic flesh shedding machine. If this bad boy sinks his choppers into your carcass you will have about as much of a chance of surviving an attack as a chicken fried steak at a NAAFA convention.

When Dobermans growl people listen!

Don't get me wrong, there are other great attack dogs like the Rottweilers that possess one of the most powerful bites of all dogs as well as being very intimidating. Like the Doberman, the Rottweiler has plenty of knockdown power and it's a great finisher in a combative situation.

Unleash the furry fury!

A Rottweiler's handiwork!

Another really vicious dog that few people have heard of is the Gordon Setter aka Scottish Setter. Normally when people think of setters they think of the goofy Irish Setter or the pain in the ass English Setter. While the Gordon Setter looks a lot like the English and Irish Setter it's temperament is quite different.

Don't let its dumb look fool you. Gordon Setters love to bite. If you have a problem with a neighbor's cat a Gordon Setter will make quick work of a cat. These dog's are a cat's worst nightmare. Unlike its fearless English and Irish cousins this dog is fearless out of bravery and not stupidity. Turning an Irish Setter mean is nearly impossible but Gordon Setters can be meaner than cat piss and that's mean! Get a Gordon Setter pissed off enough and it will chew through a chain link fence!

A lot of breeders will tell you that Gordon Setters are good gun dogs and this is true but they will also go on to say that they are gentle and while they have a "soft mouth" they are also a good attack dog.

If you are looking for sheer size and power the Caucasian Shepherd is the juggernaut of attack/guard dogs. This horse size dog is nearly as big as the giant wolves in the movie Twilight. Nobody will fuck with you when they see you with monster dog. This great big son of a bitch will scare the shit out of anyone. While it may be true that it's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog -- when a dog has both size and spirit it's a clear winner.

You can put a saddle on this bear-like canine and your kids can ride it. Don't let it's dumb look fool you. This powerful pooch can not only bite a bad guy it can knock him out cold.

It takes a monster BBW to handle this monster dog!

Enter the Pit Bull

The much maligned Pit bull can best be described as the all American all purpose dog. A Pitbull gives you a lot of bang for the buck. If you need to put the bite on some scumbag you can't do much better than a Pitbull. Many people are under the mistaken impression that the Pitbull's strength is its bite and locking jaw feature but what makes the Pitbull a true champ when it comes to attacking is its fierce tenacity and fearlessness. When on the attack the relentless Pitbull is the energizer bunny of dogs.

After hearing about how the honey badger can kill a Cape Buffalo these determined Pitbulls will not be outdone by a glorified rodent. These champions of chomp are out to prove that they are every bit a brave and ferocious as the legendary Honey Badger. Like the Honey Badger  Pit Bulls "don't give a shit."

Don't mistake a German Shepherd's licking of your face to be a doggy kiss. What he's actually doing is basting you for later!

Last but not least is the German Shepherd.

You can't go wrong with a German Shepherd, the industry standard for attack/guard dogs. A German Shepherd can slice and dice with the best of them. Rin Tin Tin may have been a pussy but most German Shepherds make outstanding attack dogs. While they may lack the tenacity of the Pitbull and power of the Rottweiler and Doberman, German Shepherds can be easily trained to neutralize most threats. German Shepherds and their Shepherd cousins are a total package.

What these dogs lack in size and ferociousness they make up for in speed, agility, and intelligence.

Addendum: There is a lot of controversy regarding bite force in ft/lbs of the various breeds. Click here to read about the latest research regarding bite force of dogs.

Cops stealing a few winks after an exhaustive chase.

Update: There is a mistaken belief among security firms and law enforcement that the dog/canine is the only suitable service animal. This is wrong thinking. Africans use hyenas and hyenas have a bite force of 1100 PSI which is nearly twice that of a lion. The problem with hyenas is that they are not as smart as dogs and much tougher to train. Law enforcement has ignored the noble pig as a service animal. A boar is much stronger, tougher, meaner and smarter than a dog and what a boar lacks in speed it makes up in other areas.

Since most police departments employ cops who are nicknamed pigs by an admiring public the next logical step is to retire the dog to civilian use for the blind and disabled. With Americans increasing in weight a lowly German Shepherd lacks the oomph to take down most fatties. You have to meet bulk with bulk and pigs can get huge. Today's cops would be much better served and would serve the public better with pigs as back up. Can you imagine a dog trying to stop a raging BBW? An angry BBW can merely swat a dog aside like they do their bastard children.

Cops have now embraced the idea of being called pigs with PIG meaning Prestige Integrity and Guts.

High on the hog! Blue knight on a pink pig!

The pig can also replace the police horse. A cop chasing a suspect on a pig will have a quicker dismount and his mighty steed, the pig, then becomes an instant partner who can go onto tackling the criminal while the cop does the tazering and beating.

Dog about to get its ass kicked!

The Pigasus Project

Along with Alex Jones and Glenn Beck our investigative reporters Rotunda Hindenburg and Joe Eatin have uncovered the secretive Pigasus project. Think Obama's drones are bad? Flying pigs with Karl Rove's DNA are already spying on Americans. NATO and other forces plan to crash flying pigs into mosques making the harum to all Muslim by contaminating them with splattered pig remains. Code named Pigasus flying pigs are being deployed on every continent except for Antarctica.

Pigasus is part of a multi-national global initiative whose purpose is not yet fully understood. We do know that flying pigs are already replacing the more expensive pilot-less drones. What their exact purpose is remains a mystery. We suspect this is some sort of secretive sow surveillance.

The Pig Dog!

This sire is a fat admirer.

A hybrid may be a solution.  A pig/dog hybrid has both the attributes of the pig and the dog and it could also serve as a good role model for today's law enforcement professional.

Experiments have been underway for years to create a successful pig/dog. Results so far have been promising but mixed.

In the Fat Acceptance movement, skinny dogs have always humped sows especially at the NAAFA conventions siring bastard piglets.

From the same litter as the above dog

Cop DNA was used to create this creature but it would not stop gorging on donuts. Further research was abruptly abandoned.

Another failed experiment using cop DNA. This portly pooch to be put down because it robbed a Duncan Donuts and bit the manager.

Early attempts at creating Pigmandog. Research has since been abandoned.

There have been instances of fraud by some unscrupulous breeders (mostly from Monsanto) looking for government grant money!

Pig's curly tail and snout but much too small.

Dr Gus Guttner and researcher Hedda Hogs of Eatmore Labs

Catastrophic Failure

Another promising outcome?

Pigs and dogs are natural lovers!

 

The Man Pig Bear

LAPD is already experimenting with chimera and currently 75% of LAPD cops already have significant amounts of pig DNA... mostly in their brains.

If a police officer gets killed in the line of duty instead of having one of those boring cop funerals with those annoying bagpipes have a hog roast.