Navy SEALS did not kill bin Laden. The truth is SSBBW agents working for the CIA killed bin Laden. It is no secret that Muslim men love SSBBWs and Osama bin Laden was no exception. In fact the bin Laden men have been into squashing for years. Osama was into it more than any of them and the CIA knew this. Osama was known to hide under SSBBWs when he was hiding in the Afghanistan caves and the protective blubber of SSBBWs protected him from the relentless bombing by the US air force as they dropped 2000 pound bunker buster bombs on his suspected hiding places.
Here is the photo leaked to Bigger Fatter Politics.
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| Seized from the bin Laden compound. One of Osama's many squashing sessions. |
There is some truth to the official story. A stealth helicopter did crash but it was do to the weight of the SSBBWs there was no mechanical failure as reported. Osama bin Laden was an avid feeder and fed the BBWs a steady diet of dates and camel meat.
Sex sow seductresses did what American bunker busting bombs could not do. Pulverizing bin Laden with big butts and piggy pussies they killed Osama bin Laden.
It is true that SSBBWs are very popular in the Arab world. In Saudi Arabia, where the women wear full body head covers, a woman wearing a circus tent sized body cover is naturally the most attractive to men, who lust after what is under the sheets, tempted by the odors emanating from her delicate folds of scaly dry skin, caked with layers of dried sweat. Skinny women are treated with great suspicion, as they are more likely to be inferior wives and mothers, whereas SSBBWs are so good at getting pregnant that they usually do not even realize until they go into labor.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "72 Virgins" that the Western Media often talks about, that is a lie. In actuality, what they are seeking is a 720 Pound Virgin.
Our elite teams of SSBBWs are an extremely potent force. SEA OTTER Team Six is a non-military, non-governmental squad that is unofficial. Legally speaking, it simply does not exist.
It is composed entirely of approximately 20 of the nation's top SSBBWs who have been specially trained. They have such strong muscular buttocks with lots of fat, that they can actually crush a man's head between their butt cheeks, shattering his skull completely, causing immediate death. Some of the most elite ones can crush entire watermelons between their cheeks. Because of the embarrassment factor, when they strike, their targets' deaths are not reported out of respect for the families, who would be ashamed to know that their loved one died with his head being crushed by a fat woman's butt cheeks. Many of these are written up as being drone strikes.
In order to keep them satisfied, they are given large quantities of food every day, and they are also serviced daily by dedicated non-FAs who bang them even though they are not into fat chicks. This is done so that they don't fall in love with these elite warriors, who each require 5 to 6 men in order to be fully satisfied sexually.
BELLY BOY, OUT
Obviously you have some inside information Belly Boy.
ReplyDeleteI think that the Muslims would prefer 1 720 pound virgin whose vagina is retreaded by Allah than 72 skinny ones. I, Fat Bastard, prefer the 72 skinny ones.
Osama has always enjoyed a good crushing and in the end he is responsible for his own demise. Our intelligence services knew that bin Laden was an avid feeder and fat admirer. It has rumored that President Obama enjoys a good butt bombing by Michelle's bodacious booty. It doesn't take much of a leap to see that President Obama helped engineer the mission.
They are elite warriors and another mission would be to just have SSBBWs live in the Middle East. Two things would happen. Since there is a shortage of women in the Middle East and since that is the chief cause of all their aggression having an abundance of females Arab males would be in a good mood all the time and they would drop the Jihad bullshit.
The other advantage to filling the population with BBWs and SSBBW's is it would create a food shortage and that would force the Arabs to turn their swords into plow shares. This is very important because soon oil will be obsolete. As the Arab world gets fatter the population will demand more fried foods causing an abundance of used cooking oil. When you factor in the fact that the US is using less foreign oil and developing wind and solar the Middle East economy will have to move to a more agrarian aka food economy.
Once again we see that food and gluttony are key to world peace. Visualize whirled peas with butter sauce.
Yo what's up? I've been dating this chick who is like 5'8" and weighs maybe 155, and I'd like to get her up into the 200 lbs range by the end of June, then up to 250 by the holidays so that when we go visit her folks I can see their reaction. Also I know that if I get her to put on all this weight, she definitely won't leave me or have sex with other dudes. The only problem is that she is much smarter than I am, and she works long hours so I can't control what she eats all that much.
ReplyDeleteFat Fattens Best!!!
DeleteThere are 4 calories in a gram of carbs but a whopping 9 calories is a gram of fat. Give her Bailey's Irish Cream that has fat alcohol and sugar. Feed her lots of cheese.
Being a BBW is not something you should try to force on your woman. It is not just something to get off on, it is what I have to live with every single day. I have mobility issues and I think you are a horrible person if you are really planning on making your woman fat against her will. Now if she is into it, then that is a different story, so ask first, and if you both agree then you can do it and grow together as a couple. For me my hormones changed when I got pregnant and I have not been able to stop gaining weight ever since.
ReplyDeleteIt's never against their will. Food breaks their will.
DeleteCharlotte, I love your fattitude but this is the age of the fatling. You no longer have to make excuses for your gluttony.
Track Star, you need to just feed her incessantly. Urge her to eat as much as she wants, surprise her with take-out ordered to her job, and have a big hot meal ready for her when she gets home from work. When she doesn't finish it, act insulted or hurt. Do all her housework for her. That's what Big Lard Ass told me to tell you.
ReplyDeleteCharlotte, being a BBW is a state of being. I don't believe that your hormones changed, I think you just eat a lot just like I, Belly Boy, do.
BELLY BOY HERE
ReplyDeleteI would like some Twinkies, please. Just a few to tide me over.
Yes some Twinkies, please, like an army needs a soldier.
Yeah my stomach's on the run, and it needs food - a cream-filled bun
Cuz I'm the Belly Boy and I think eating is real fun.
My hedonistic lifestyle of lazy grazing is extremely relaxing. My Asian girlfriend is learning how to give me massages, and I am getting cleaned up by her daily. I still rely on my butler to remove my feces every day, otherwise they will get impacted and infected.
I drink a pot of coffee, and usually in about 30 minutes I have the urge to take a large dump. My butler then assists with the "delivery" and he's a real trooper. I am allergic to latex, which is why he cannot use gloves when he helps me out in this way. It's also why I don't use condoms in my personal life. After extracting my feces and hosing me down a bit with a shower head to clean it down, he takes a shower and washes all the fecal filth off. He gets an extra $200 a week for doing this, which is pretty solid considering it doesn't take all that long, maybe 15 minutes total. That's $800 an hour!!
Anyway, as far as politics go, I am thinking that we should institute more pro-dump-taking policies to get the nation back to being regular again. We used to have much better fiber as a nation compared to today.
BELLY BOY, EATING LOTS OF FIBER TODAY
I got desperate today and I ate a box of Little Debbie virtual Twinkies. It was like going from the finest Peruvian flake to crystal meth. I felt like such trash.
ReplyDeleteWhen I take a dump I go in the shower and then mush it up with my feet until it all goes down the drain.
Turds are the answer to our energy woes. Turds produce methane. We should be a fecal based economy.
That's very interesting, jamming your shit down the drain with your foot. That's a power move. Definitely helps to bring that stuff up on first dates, I think. I got my Asian girlfriend and on our first date I told her all about my butler and how he helps clean me. So anyway I was- wait, hold on!
ReplyDeleteFAT NEWS ALERT! FAT NEWS ALERT!!!
ONE OF THE WORLD'S TOP FATLINGS HAS BEEN ARRESTED IN NEW ZEALAND!!
Kim Dotcom, an internet tycoon, has been arrested in New Zealand. That is is real legal name, and he seems to weigh over 300 lbs. Now, I think he is guilty of massive copyright infringement (and he has a license plate that says "GUILTY") but I still think that they should let him play video games while he is in jail.
He held the #1 rank in the world for Modern Warfare 3, out of over 15 million players, but since he got arrested he can't play anymore and now he is down to #2; what kind of justice is that, if they won't even let him pwn noobs? Also, he won't get enough food to stay fat in prison. American prisons, which he'll possibly be extradited to, only serve 3,000 or so calories a day to prisoners, although since he has money he can buy snacks in the commissary to keep his strength up.
I empathize with failings everywhere, especially SSBHMs like myself.
Belly Boy, something smells fish and it's not my BBW neighbors crotch. It sounds like he's been framed. Some jealous thinling or some one from the defense department framed him. OR.... this is just a cover story. Maybe the CIA grabbed his so that the enemy can't kidnap him and use his keen military mind.
ReplyDeleteGiving a fatling only 3000 calories a day should a violation of the Geneva Convention. Kim Dotcom is a military genius.
I will put Bigger Fatter Blog's best reporter on this and I will be contacted avid gamer Big Fat RRRRRRRRRReverend Burn for his reaction.
Mashing turds is great fun. The feel so squishy between the toes and it is great exercise.
ReplyDelete