Fat Bastardo's 12 Days of Christmas

Fat Bastard's Fat Friendly 12 13 Days of Christmas For Fatlings & Gluttons

$easons Greedings From Bigger Fatter Politics 

Keeping with holiday tradition I, Fat Bastard would like to present to our readers my fat friendly version of the Twelve Thirteen Days of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me. As our many millions of readers worldwide know, my true love is food so I decided to rewrite this traditional holiday classic to be more glutton and fat friendly. I hope you enjoy this along with your figgy pudding and sugar plums as you celebrate this most greedy and gluttonous time of year...... OINK!

The Twelve Days of Christmas
By Fat Bastard

 
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear sauce.


On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two Doves chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.

 
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French ticklers,
Two Doves chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four apple pies,
Three French ticklers,
Two Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries and French ticklers,
Two  Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce
.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Rings Ding Jr's,
Four apple pies,
Three French ticklers,
Two Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two  Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.

 
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove Chocolate Bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine fat lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove Chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten chefs a-chefin,
Nine Lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers pissing,
Ten Chefs a-cheffin,
Nine lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jr,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve deep fried drumsticks,
Eleven pipers pissing,
Ten chefs a cheffin,
Nine lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Rings Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove Chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce!

On the thirteenth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me,
Thirteen pigs a-OINKING,
Twelve deep fried drumsticks,
Eleven pipers pissing,
Ten chefs a cheffin,
Nine lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Rings Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French ticklers and pastries,
Two Dove Chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce!

Now that you are drooling over all the food, sluts and fat lezzies see more holiday food, recipes and hot fat sluts and lezzies HERE!



Fat Bastard and Proud FA wishing you a Merry XXX-Mas and a Happy New Year!


Ooops! I almost forgot Thinnete and her HOT cousin Skinny Linny

Not All Psycho Women are Fat

The following is from the site MidLife Bachelor. I, Fat Bastardo, am all too familiar with psycho women. I know a lot of them and I know of them. It was psycho women who ruined the fat acceptance movement. These dreadful personality disordered histrionic professional victims blame men for everything. They think that men are wrong for not finding them physically attractive but a quick Google search will show that fat porn beats skinny porn by 100 to 1! The reason men are rejecting these fat girls is because they are psycho bitches from hell.

It's not just fat girls who are out of their minds. I, Fat Bastard hear it from men with wives of all shapes and sizes. Fat girls are worse only because their psycho nature works synergistically with their fatittude like a chain reaction nuclear explosion but make no mistake, normal sized women can be just as bad.

http://www.midlifebachelor.com/articles/whatmakesawomanpsycho1.html

MIDLIFE BACHELOR 




I have had a fair amount of comments and questions on the “psycho” type of woman (from the 14 Types of Women under Fundamental Truths about Women and Midlife Dating Today … the section entitled, Types of Women – Psycho).   Recently, a very intelligent and good-looking woman with a PhD wrote in – and explained that it is men’s behavior that often make women become psycho … and she asserted that it is unfair for me to unilaterally label certain women as being psycho without knowing the circumstances, or possibly looking inward (at the man) for the root cause of the woman’s psychotic behavior.   She makes a good point – and so this short article elaborates a bit on the topic of PSYCHO WOMEN.

I believe that there are two types of PSYCHO WOMEN:

1. Psycho women who are psycho by default
2. Psycho women who become psycho as a consequence of some situation or circumstance

Psycho Women who are "Psycho by Default"

The Psycho Women I wrote about under Types of Women – Psycho are really the ones that belong under category 1) above … which means they are psycho all on their own … without anyone’s influence or intervention.   Let’s review some quick examples from the Types of Women – Psycho section.   First of all – there was Mia … the hot car dealership customer service girl.  On my very first date with her, she sent her food back several times and made a big stink about how her meat was cooked … for no good reason … while my food got cold … and at a fairly cheap restaurant.   That was psycho in my mind – and she confirmed this psycho attribute a few dates later when she went off on me for bringing her ground sirloin, and then yelling at me when I tried to kiss her goodnight!   Trust me – there was nothing that I did in any of these instances that caused this woman to turn psycho … she was that way on her own … which is exactly why I wrote her off after that second psychotic episode.

Another good example is the wife of my buddy, Greg – her name is Tiffany.  Whenever she shops, if anyone working in the store does not treat her with the utmost respect and graciousness, then she will pitch a fit and make a big scene … as though the world owes her some kind of royal treatment.  My buddy, Greg, won’t even go shopping with her – because he says she is so volatile that he never knows when she is going to blow a gasket over the tiniest thing.  I’ve seen this woman in action myself, and she needs no one’s help in order to deliver a 100% psychotic episode!

Now there certainly are varying degrees of psychotic behavior – and really when I refer to “psycho women”, I am referring to those who display the extremes … women who suddenly go off on you for no reason, or with little warning or provocation.  These psycho women are usually fairly easy to spot … although sometimes they know they are psycho, and are able to mask or withhold their psychotic behavior for some period of time during the initial phases of a relationship.   The best thing you can do is to watch for bizarre behavior, and make the appropriate mental notes … because you may have to dismiss her if these episodes become anything more than infrequent.

NEXT PAGE - SITUATIONALLY PSYCHO WOMEN >>> 

Check out their Forum Mid Life Bachelor Forum

US Drops to Number 2: Mexico Is Now Officially the World's Fattest Country

Fat Mexican Guy Celebrating Mexico's Number One Rank As The World's Fattest Country

 We're number two! We're number two! We're number two!  We're number two!

It's not as bad as it sounds. The US held the honor for a very long time but now the data is saying that Mexico is the world's fattest country but that could be decieving. Here's how I got there.

Diet? We don't need no stinking diet!

The population of Mexico is 112 million and it would be much higher if the Mexicans stayed in Mexico but as we know millions have left Mexico to come to the US. The Mexicans who come to this country are hard working and ambitious people and it's a no brainer that hardworking and ambitious are non fatlings. As a result the thinling population of Mexico decreases and the thinling population of America increases. This skews the numbers in both countries.

When I, Fat Bastard, first read the number I was disheartened to say the least but when I thought about it and talked to the Chef he talked me down and pointed out how immigration has skewed the numbers so while technically Mexico is the fattest country on earth, the numbers are in a sense artificial. Still, we are officially number two but there is a way to regain our prestegious number one position. EAT and EAT like you mean it!

BOOM Shakala A Tribute to Belly Boy

BOOM shaklaka he's an all time great.
BOOM shakalaka he ate ate ate
Layin the dick to his skinny Asian ho
BOOM shakalaka Belly Boy YO!

The crowd goes wild. Fat Bastard announces that he has a special guest and out comes Snoop Dog who rocks and impromtu rhyme with the Chef and both the Chef's posse and Snoop's posse toss Belly Burgers into the crowd and a near riot ensues until a naked Belly Boy come thundering in over the audience on a zip line spewing 100+ pounds of fecal matter over the audience. The roar of the crowd is deafening as the break into 20 minutes of BOOM Shakalaka  BOOM Shakalaka  BOOM Shakalaka  BOOM Shakalaka  BOOM Shakalaka!

Belly Boy busts a few rhymes free stylin and then heads to his fleet of giant Belly Mobiles. At this point the crowd is too awed to utter a sound as they have seen the Buddah of Foodah.  It's a holy moment.

Belly Boy then jets off to his Asian tour about a rocket powered double sized replica of the Hindenberg named the Blimp Shakalaka.

Fat Bastard's Fat Friendly 13 Days of Christmas For Fatlings & Gluttons

Christmas is the most vulgar and gluttonous days of the year and that is why we fatlings love it. The very symbol of Christmas is a fat man who spends the whole night going from house to house and eating cookies. This make Christmas the fat friendliest holiday of them all. OINK! It's a glorious celebration of greedy gluttony

$easons Greedings From Bigger Fatter Politics

Keeping with holiday tradition I, Fat Bastard would like to present to our readers my fat friendly version of the Twelve Thirteen Days of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me. As our many millions of readers worldwide know, my true love is food so I decided to rewrite this traditional holiday classic to be more glutton and fat friendly. I hope you enjoy this along with your figgy pudding and sugar plums as you celebrate this most greedy and gluttonous time of year...... OINK!

The Twelve Days of Christmas
By Fat Bastard

 
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear sauce.


On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two Doves chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French ticklers,
Two Doves chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four apple pies,
Three French ticklers,
Two Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries and French ticklers,
Two  Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce
.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Rings Ding Jr's,
Four apple pies,
Three French ticklers,
Two Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two  Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove Chocolate Bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine fat lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove Chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten chefs a-chefin,
Nine Lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers pissing,
Ten Chefs a-cheffin,
Nine lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Ring Ding Jr,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce.


On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve deep fried drumsticks,
Eleven pipers pissing,
Ten chefs a cheffin,
Nine lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Rings Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French pastries,
Two Dove Chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce!

On the thirteenth day of Christmas,
My true love sent to me,
Thirteen pigs a-OINKING,
Twelve deep fried drumsticks,
Eleven pipers pissing,
Ten chefs a cheffin,
Nine lezzies licking,
Eight maids with Milk Duds,
Seven sluts a-swimming,
Six geese a-cooking,
Five golden Rings Ding Jrs,
Four apple pies,
Three French ticklers and pastries,
Two Dove Chocolate bars,
And a partridge in a pear sauce!

Now that you are drooling over all the food, sluts and fat lezzies see more holiday food, recipes and hot fat sluts and lezzies HERE!

  Fat Bastard and Proud FA wishing you a Merry XXX-Mas and a Happy New Year!




Ooops! I almost forgot Thinnete and her HOT cousin Skinny Linny

Fat Bastard's Curriculum Vitae

Now for Fat Bastard's curriculum vitae
I Fat Bastard am willing to give total support to the organization that I am in, with the experience and capability that I have, in order to achieve organization’s goals and create mutual benefits.

Education

Bloat College of Of Food Science, Hamburger City, IA
Bachelor of Arts, Food Sciences magna cum laude, May 1989

Western Egg Sandwich University, McDonalds, IL
Ph.D., Culinary Psychology and Biological Belching, December 1991

Ovine University, Gourmand, TX
Ph.D., Food Psychology and Advanced Gluttony, May 1993

RESEARCH EXPERIENCE:

Fat Kid's Memorial Hospital, Chicago IL
Department of Junkfoodinology, Supervisor: Dr. Gerald "Teddy" Bear
KFC University Medical School, San Antonio TX, Department of Foodiatrics, Advisor: Dr. Belly Boy Research Associate
Perform genetic analysis of mutations causing hormone-independent signaling
of the human gluttony receptor.

TEACHING EXPERIENCE:

 IHOP College, Flapjack Heights, IL
 Adjunct instructor

Taught Introductory Foodology with laboratory/kitchen (food biology, genetics panniculus growth and evolution).

Taught undergraduate Pignetics with laboratory. Developed course outline and objectives,
selected specific food to eat, selected required fast food restaurant, wrote and presented menus, and administered Hiemlich maneuvers and CPR, developed, judged and graded pie eating contests and pig out projects.


Full professor and department head Eatmore College, Frankfurt, GA assistant to the Dean of Feederism Proud FA (pioneered the study of feeding and social habits of terra orcus land whales and sus bestia pork beasts)


Professor Emeritus, Grazenhiemer Baros Univesity, Bon Bon Germany, Colleague of Professor Otto Toot  (Directed and developed  fattitudinal personality development program as part of the overall fat studies curriculum)  (Directed studies for the fat sexuality program focusing on porking fat girls vs boning skinny C chicks with professor Professor Su We Sow and assistant Professor Chang Wang Chow, and clinical researcher Dr Eaton Swagbelliman)



FELLOWSHIPS AND AWARDS:
American Glutton Society postdoctoral fellowship
Postdoctoral traineeship, Farting Biology Training Grant, University of Chicago
Rotunda Hindenberg Pork Beast Institute Pre-doctoral Fellowship

CURRENT

Founder of NIFAM New International Fat Acceptance Movement and NAFAM New American Fat Acceptance Movement.

Created a simplified version of  HAES eating plans. EATT (Eat All The Time) and FATT (Food All The Time).

Assisted Reverend Big Lard Ass in instituting the Grazenhiemer Method for Advanced Gluttony.

Working to develop a Chair Aerobics and Combined Eating Program called EFE or Eating For Exercise.

On the board of directors for Reach Back There, a company that is developing a butt wiping device aka butt wand for fat folks who "can't reach back there"

On the board of directors for King Size Coffin a bariatric casket company.

On the board of directors for Vein O Rooter a medical device company that makes vascular augers.

On the board of directors for Mammoth Image Diagnostics that makes medical imaging equipment for Sea World and other Aquatic and Land Whale facilities.

Publications and dissertations 

Eat Like a Pig Smoke Like a Chimney: Let Doctors Worry About Your Health. It's Their Job. Publisher: Slimon & Shyster 2001 ISBN 3365882

Gluttony IS Good, May 1999 Gormandizer Monthly

EAT! EAT!! EAT!!! July 15 1997  Glutton Pride

Vegetables Are What Food Eats, Publisher Full Course Press 2003 ISBN 87365-22

Boning Skinny Chicks VS Porking Fat Girls, A radio debate with The Dean of Feedersim

Fat Bastard's Third Heart Attack (Can be found on many online zines)

Fat Girls Are Sluts: Google Proves It, July 2009 (Article in Sexy Sow Plumpers)

Fatty at the Fat: Eating the New American Pastime (June 2010, The Fat Athlete)

Why I Published My CV

I, Fat Bastard published my CV to silence the naysayers and critics of the new fat acceptance! That's why!

Why I Stopped Being A Republican

FAT BASTARD

One would think that a fat guy like me would be a Republican and for many years I was. As a fat man I like greedy gluttony and I liked Reagan but while the country's political spectrum has changed mine hasn't. Today we have a president who is indeed as Conservative and Ronald Reagan.

I Fat Bastard would have considered voting for Ron Paul and I would have been undecided had Ron Paul not been screwed in the Republican primaries.

BOYCOTT CHICK FIL A

Based on facts Romney is more liberal than Obama. He may talk like a Conservative but Romney is no Conservative. Who really knows what he is other than a whore?

Santorum: Romney "doesn't have a core"

No real Conservative can vote for Romney. Only a whore with no core would vote for a whore with no core.

Obese Mothers are Good for the Economy.

Obese Mothers are Good for the Economy!

                                                                        Growing Obesity Increases Perils of Childbearing

With Doctors and hospitals starving to make ends meet in this tough economy the more challenging pregnancies faced by fat women and their is a ray of sunshine to the starving medical industry. It's simple economics. When medical care is more complicated and more specialists need to be brought is on a case costs go up... WAY up and so do profits!

Here is an excerpt from an article that appeared  the NY Times  that explains the good news for our struggling health care industry. Click here to read the entire article.

As Americans have grown fatter over the last generation, inviting more heart disease, diabetes and premature deaths, all that extra weight has also become a burden in the maternity ward, where babies take their first breath of life.  

About one in five women are obese when they become pregnant, meaning they have a body mass index of at least 30, as would a 5-foot-5 woman weighing 180 pounds, according to researchers with the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. And medical evidence suggests that obesity might be contributing to record-high rates of Caesarean sections and leading to more birth defects and deaths for mothers and babies. 

Hospitals, especially in poor neighborhoods, have been forced to adjust. They are buying longer surgical instruments, more sophisticated fetal testing machines and bigger beds. They are holding sensitivity training for staff members and counseling women about losing weight, or even having bariatric surgery, before they become pregnant.

At Maimonides Medical Center in Brooklyn, where 38 percent of women giving birth are obese, Patricia Garcia had to be admitted after she had a stroke, part of a constellation of illnesses related to her weight, including diabetes and weak kidneys.

 Is it possible to be too fat? 

If you are an OBGYN the answer is a resounding NO! Here are the impressive numbers on C-sections alone that clearly show that the fatter a pregnant woman is the more revenue the health care industry can make.

Body Mass Index   vs   Percentage of Caesarian Births    

       20 - 25                    11%        

       25 - 30                    18%                

       30 - 35                   25%             

     35 - 40                     33%                  

     Over 40                   43%                     

Very obese women, or those with a B.M.I. of 35 or higher, are three to four times as likely to deliver their first baby by Caesarean section as first-time mothers of normal weight, according to a study by the Consortium on Safe Labor of the National Institutes of Health

There you have it fellow fatlings; another example of how obesity is good for the economy. I, Fat Bastard only wish that fat haters Mrs Obama and Ms Roth would see that. AND once again, GLUTTONY IS GOOD!

 

 

Since the publication of this article some clever bloaks in England, the second fattest country in the world, wrote a song in honor of me, Fat Bastard. I'm not surprised because according Google Analytics 25% of our traffic comes from the UK.