Republican values of greed and gluttony are not the only values that they have left. They are a party of warmongers, liars, closeted homos and worst of all pedophiles. To a Reagan Republican like me, Fat Bastard, they are an embarrassment. Therefore, as the leader of the New Fat Acceptance Movement I therefor declare the existence if a viable third party that will represent the needs and views of the majority of Americans. I, Fat Bastard give you the Reblubberlican Party.
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| The elephant will be replaced by the Golden Pig |
Americans for the most part are greedy gluttons and as we all know greed is what made this country great.
We will kick out the serial womanizers like Gingrich, peaceniks like Ron Paul, closet homos like Rick Perry but we want real homos because gay men make the best chefs. Our mission will be to spread Reblubberican values through out the world. Food will be are weapon. of choice and if some rag head country won't get in line we will send out some predator drone and bomb their skinny asses back to the stone age.
Our main concern with the GOP is there epidemic of pedophiles. Republican Pedophiles Have Destroyed the GOP Greed and lust are good things BUT baby rape isn't. Too many sick and twisted freaks have joined the GOP aka Group Of Perverts. We will not allow Republican Sex Offenders to become Reblubbericans. As the party of greedy gluttony guys who can't get laid will replace sex with food. We will also legalize prostitution and will will even have skinny whores available to fat guys like me who will offer their services free of charge or on a sliding fee scale and the government will make up the difference.
A return to the Moon
Fat people are gravitationally challenged here on earth. It is time for us to return to a colonize the moon. But Fat Bastard there's no air on the moon you declare. My response is, we don't need no stinking air. Many of us fat asses are on oxygen.
Why the Moon
The most obvious reason for living on the moon is the 1/4 gravity. Gravity sucks so the less we have the better.
Sustaining a colony of fatlings on the moon will create jobs building space ships to deliver food and other supplies.
Satellite TV will work great on the moon until the atmosphere forms form all our breathing and we fatlings breath a lot. We will create enough CO2 for plant life to grow on the moon and then we can fly up cows and chickens and without gravity they will get huge!
The other huge advantage to being on the moon is helium 3. What the fuck is Helium 3? Helium 3 is a safe fusionable material that can replace plutonium and unranium in today's nuclear reactors. Since us fatlings are great with computers we can control the robotic ships and the robotic mining.
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| Skinny Ho Heidi Fliess |
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| Fat hos will be made available to skinny guys who can't get laid |
We need to end discontent. Comfort food does that. The Beatles said that all you need is love well they got it half right. All you need is food because food is love and when people get fat they don't want to fight wars and even if they did they would be too fat to do so.
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| No more tiny 767s, Passenger planes will be HUGE! |
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| Thanksgiving will be celebrated weekly |
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| Anyone who is fat will be rewarded with a power chair. This 48" wide chair will be the smallest power chair available. |
