Thursday, December 29, 2011

Fat People and The Second Amendment.

Need I say more? Yes I do! This fatling's stable firing platform is impressive.

I Fat Bastard, fully support the right to keep and arm bears.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Impressive Fatlings: Care and Feeding

This guy Barry Austin is one of the most impressive fatlings I have ever seen. OINK!  This guy is actually not the fattest guy in Britain at a mere 700 lbs but what he lacks in bulk he more than make up in fattitude. His greedy gluttony is the sort of behavior that should be modeled by every fatling in the world.

I am almost ashamed at times that I, Fat Bastard, am the de facto leader of the fat acceptance  movement when I see impressive specimens like these great folks. I am humbled by their sheer size and I would grovel at their largeness.

This poor bloke is outraged by cruel cuts in his benefits. Now he has to wipe his own butt and bath himself. This is an outrage. Where's NAAFA?!

NOTE: Special thanks to our obesity correspondent Belly Boy for bringing this story to Bigger Fatter Politics.

Belly Boy scooped all the other fat acceptance site by uncovering this very important story. Here is Belly Boy's report

Check out this heroic British man:

He weighs 50 stone, which is 700 lbs! His best friend takes him to a big breakfast every day, and then his girlfriend scrubs him down. He is a mere pup compared to me, though. My Asian girlfriend lathers me up with lots of skin moisturizers. 

Reporting from the World Wide Web free lance reporter and uber fatling..... Belly Boy

As a tribute to Belly Boy Bigger Fatter Politics will be featuring bellies that look like cartoon characters.

What famous person does this belly resemble?
Lying cry baby drunk douche bag John Boehner perhaps?

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Too Much Greedy Gluttony?

This is a debate that I, Fat Bastard have with myself.  As we fatlings waddle up to the all you can eat buffet and greedily load our plates sky high with glorious glorious food I have to ask myself are we being like the corporate gangsters that everyone despises?  I actually have a certain admiration for these lazy, slothful money gluttons. They are like a whale shark at the mouth of a river who just languishes there, mouth open, and effortlessly taking in food and getting bigger and fatter until the point he is so big and fat that nobody can fuck with him.  Then I sit down and after the first morsel of delicious food passes my lips I think about what is truly important and that is FOOD!
Seasons Greedings

Saturday, December 10, 2011

The Need For A Third Party

I, Fat Bastard am a registered Republican but once again I will be voting for Obama. Why Fat Bastard, why would you a registered Republican vote for Obama? First off, I like the first lady's ba donka donk, but more than that the party of Lincoln and the party of Reagan has become the party of fools, pedophiles and womanizers. Sure the greed and gluttony is still there but as the saying goes, "if you want to want to live like a Republican vote for a Democrat. I know that if Chris Christie were running as a Republican I'd vote for him. That guy is large and in charge and that is what we need but beyond that Governor Chris Crisco Christie is one big fat lard ass just like me. If he were in the GOP debates he'd chew em all up and shit them all out. The only Republican with any idea about the needs of fat people is former GOP hopeful Spermin Herman Cain. Godfather Pizzas are almost as good a Pizza Hut's.

Republican values of greed and gluttony are not the only values that they have left. They are a party of warmongers, liars, closeted homos and worst of all pedophiles. To a Reagan Republican like me, Fat Bastard, they are an embarrassment. Therefore, as the leader of the New Fat Acceptance Movement I therefor declare  the existence if a viable third party that will represent the needs and views of the majority of Americans. I, Fat Bastard give you the Reblubberlican Party.
The elephant will be replaced by the Golden Pig

Americans for the most part are greedy gluttons and as we all know greed is what made this country great.

We will kick out the serial womanizers like Gingrich, peaceniks like Ron Paul, closet homos like Rick Perry but we want real homos because gay men make the best chefs. Our mission will be to spread Reblubberican values through out the world. Food will be are weapon. of choice and if some rag head country won't get in line we will send out some predator drone and bomb their skinny asses back to the stone age.

Our main concern with the GOP is there epidemic of pedophiles. Republican Pedophiles Have Destroyed the GOP  Greed and lust are good things BUT baby rape isn't. Too many sick and twisted freaks have joined the GOP aka Group Of Perverts. We will not allow Republican Sex Offenders to become Reblubbericans. As the party of greedy gluttony guys who can't get laid will replace sex with food. We will also legalize prostitution and will will even have skinny whores available to fat guys like me who will offer their services free of charge or on a sliding fee scale and the government will make up the difference.

A return to the Moon

Fat people are gravitationally challenged here on earth. It is time for us to return to a colonize the moon. But Fat Bastard there's no air on the moon you declare. My response is, we don't need no stinking air. Many of us fat asses are on oxygen.

Why the Moon

The most obvious reason for living on the moon is the 1/4 gravity. Gravity sucks so the less we have the better.
Sustaining a colony of fatlings on the moon will create jobs building space ships to deliver food and other supplies.

Satellite TV will work great on the moon until the atmosphere forms form all our breathing and we fatlings breath a lot. We will create enough CO2 for plant life to grow on the moon and then we can fly up cows and chickens and without gravity they will get huge!

The other huge advantage to being on the moon is helium 3. What the fuck is Helium 3? Helium 3 is a safe fusionable material  that can replace plutonium and unranium in today's nuclear reactors. Since us fatlings are great with computers we can control the robotic ships and the robotic mining.
Skinny Ho Heidi Fliess
Fat hos will be made available to skinny guys who can't get laid

We need to end discontent. Comfort food does that. The Beatles said that all you need is love well they got it half right. All you need is food because food is love and when people get fat they don't want to fight wars and even if they did they would be too fat to do so.
No more tiny 767s, Passenger planes will be HUGE!
Thanksgiving will be celebrated weekly
Anyone who is fat will be rewarded with a power chair. This 48" wide chair will be the smallest power chair available.