Fattest President Ever Was The Greastest President Ever

Now that Belly Boy has thrown his hat in the ring and announced his candidacy and waddle for President of the United State of America I, Fat Bastard as his chief political adviser believe that a historical perspective is in order for this momentous event. Belly Boy has already made the Guinness Book of word records for being America's fattest candidate by crushing Presidents Clinton, Taft and Teddy Roosevelt combined weights by a whopping 300 pounds.

Who were America's greatest presidents ever. Some may say it was that skinny bean pole Abraham Lincoln but Lincoln cut down that cherry tree and that meant less cherry pies. Obama is also a bean pole and while he dragged the world out of a massive recession, killed countless terrorists and reformed health care slightly the jury is still out on him.

History has shown that our greatest presidents have been fat with the greatest president William Howard Taft, followed by William Jefferson Clinton and finally Teddy Roosevelt. 


Let's start with the greatest and the fattest president William Howard Taft.



Here are some facts about Taft: he weighed 330 lbs. This was in stark contrast to Teddy Roosevelt, who was very physically fat and fit. One year, he received for Christmas a 50 lb. mince meat pie and a 26 lb. opossum from Georgia, which was said to be the largest ever shot in the state.

Some historians suggest that he wasn't re-elected because of this negative public image, which was not helped by the fact that he was seemingly always out golfing with business leaders but I believe that People who looked past all of this realized that during his four years in office, he busted twice as many trusts and chair as Teddy Roosevelt had in eight years in office. He was a much better president than Clinton or Teddy Roosevelt. Not only was he a better it was because Roosevelt stepped in and formed a rival party called the Bull Moose Party allowing Democrat Woodrow Wilson to win. trust buster than TR he also busted more furniture and once got stuck in a bathtub so they created a super sized bathtub just for him. While Bill Clinton was busting a nut in Monica Lewinski's pretty mouth William Howard Taft was busting greedy corporations. Taft was a true progressive,

Following Roosevelt into office, Taft continued to enforce antitrust laws. He was key in bringing down the Standard Oil Company in 1911. Also during Taft's term in office, the sixteenth amendment was passed that allowed the U.S. to collect income taxes.

Taft was more loved than Reagan. "Justice Brewer of the Supreme Court said that 'Taft is the politest man in Washington; the other day he gave up his seat in a street-car to three ladies.'"

After Taft lost the election of 1912, Yale University sent a man to the White House to suggest that Taft accept a Chair of Law at the University. Taft replied that a Chair would not be adequate, but that if the University would provide a Sofa of Law, "it might be all right'.

Bill Best When Big Bawdy and Bulbous!

William Jefferson Clinton aka Bill Bubba Clinton (AKA the BIG DOG!)

Growing up poor, self made man Bill Clinton had to budget for food. This is why he was able to balance the the budget and create surplus while paying down the debt and growing the economy. As the economy grew so did Clinton which showed everyone that he was on the right track.

Monica Lewinsky didn't get those lips from sucking door knobs sideways!

Like all fat guys Bill knew this. You can beat a drum, you can beat an egg and you can beat your wife (Hillary could kick his fat boy ass) but you can't beat a blow job.

Teddy Roosevelt Shouting BELLY!

Teddy Roosevelt

Many people are confused. They think that TR was constantly shouting  BULLY but in reality he was saying  BELLY!

When not trust busting these belly bustling bubbas brandished their big bellies!

Sadly my presidential hopeful Chris "Krispy Kreme" Christie has committed political suicide, obviously the result of his foolhardy bariatric surgery. Clearly Christie got some bad advice from a political adviser. 75% of Americans are fat... DUH... He was guaranteed a landslide victory! Then he got that rare fat boy jealousy and started throwing his weight around thought he could get away with fucking with the Fort Lee mayor. This was clearly the result of surgery induced ketogenic psychosis.

Christie's other mistake was similar to Julius Caesar's fatal error of surrounding himself with skinny men with the lean and hungry look.

Enter the beloved Rob Ford. People love fat guys. People loved Chris Farley, John Belushi, Rodney Dangerfield, John Candy, Pavarroti, Luther Vandross, Sam Kinison. Rob Ford is a crack smoking, boozing, whoring big fat son of a bitch and everybody loves him and in spite of his gluttony, drugging and whoring he was still on of the best mayors in the world.

People are forgiving. A good fat boy mia culpa will square things with the American people. What was so bad about the little prank you pulled on Fort Lee? Bill Clinton did a lot worse things than that. He signed the repeal of Glass Steagal and was shameless glutton and whore fucker and people still love him. Bush on the other hand was a chicken hawk, AWOL coke snorting alcoholic and probably still is but people hate him. If G. W. would just get fat and forget about his vanity the brain dead American people would love him.

Go on a binge Governor Christie. Get that fucking Lap-Band removed and party down. Get high with Rob Ford, smoke a Fatty with Snoop, bust some rhymes and EAT!

Boom Shakka Lakka I love being crude
Boom Shakka Lakka Bring me more food
Boom Shakka Lakka Roll me a fatty
East coast Governator be your pimp daddy.




Boom Shakka Lakka I can barely walk

Put me in my scooter this Nigga can I talk
Boom Shakka Lakka I be gettin bigga
East coast governor I be one fly Nigga

Ridin in my limo posse by my side
Pimpin them corporate hoes nationwide.
Boom Shakka Lakka rollin to the fridge
Fuck with me Nigga and I'll shut down EVERY bridge

Boom Shakka Lakka hangin with Obama
President is chill no baby mamma drama.
Word to ISIS from the USA.
Fuck with us Niggas I blow your ass away.



Christie shouts to the crowd, "Give it up for my Nigga Rob Ford." Ford waddles onto the stage and he can Christie belly bump and the crowd goes wild. Ford and Christie share a super sized Bob Marley fattie rolled with the finest BC Hydro. They waddle of the stage and head to the limo.

More Sage Advice From Reverend Burn

Belly Boy For President

Our favorite son Belly Boy is being drafted to run for President of the United States of America. For those of you who don't think that Belly Boy is presidential timber consider the fact that our two greatest presidents, William Howard Taft and William Jefferson Clinton. Based on poundage alone Belly Boy will without a doubt me the greatest president ever.

William Howard Taft

More to follow as facts emerge.

UPDATE!

Introducing Belly Boy's Platform

OUR NEXT PRESIDENT BELLY BOY (WILL NOT BE SILENCED! 

 

This is a draft of Belly Boy's speech he will be giving at the NAFAM convention. 

In these days of government cutbacks, it seems irresponsible to add newfangled procedures that are not necessarily in everyone's best interests. First off, these are old people who are on Medicare, generally. If you're old and fat, congratulations, you won! You beat out the early heart disease deaths, and if you have diabetes you've overcome that too. 

 

What we do not need to do as a society is engage in cannibalistic behavior such as pannus removals. What about the belly buttons? They have to be replaced with surgical creations, which are inferior. 

 

What about the inevitable weight regain? It will stretch out the skin even thinner than before, causing more injuries. You can't just carve off hunks of flesh and expect that to destroy the gluttonous instincts of the person cocooned inside that meatiest of barriers. Instead of focusing on things that would turn gluttons into normalings - which would be the only thing that could work in the long term - they are instead going for procedures that will make more money for doctors and bankrupt Medicare. People will think they can just gain 100 lbs and have it hacked off for free, and then do it again and again. Well, I think that if you want to enjoy the chocolate dipped fruits of gluttony, then you also have a duty to embrace the sensuality of it all by being large and in charge. If you want to lose weight then don't ask the government for help. If the government is going to get into the business of weight loss, maybe it should stop providing 1,500 calorie lunches in school cafeterias first. But of course that will never happen because we demand flavor. Therefore, let us just eat our Reese's Pieces in peace. We are the 75%, and our voices will not be silenced. By the way, I am working on the Pizza Party platform, and I have a few things settled on for now:

 

Belly Boy's Fat form Platform

 

Here BELLY BOY shows his ability to be commander in chief   

 

USS Belly Boy

 

1) All US aircraft must be retrofitted to bariatric proportions, with at least 4 foot wide aisles and two foot wide seats. I recommend switching to a more convenient "around the edges" style of seating. Instead of just rows, you put the seats up against the windows to provide extra room. Then we'll just build more planes to compensate for the lower number of seats, which stimulates the economy and creates jobs. 

 

 

2) Remove all federal funding for every school in the country, UNLESS, they institute Competitive Eating as a sport, and make it something that is taught in physical education. It is the sport of the future and it helps kids eat more, which stimulates the economy and creates jobs. (Here Belly Boy shows his grasp of the importance of education and how a strong educational system is vital to a strong economy) 

 

Autobahn or Bellybahn?

3) Widen the federal highway system to add extra lanes on each side. This will allow more cars to go on each side, which allows for faster transportation. This will counteract the effect of our weight increase on our fuel efficiency (fatter people get slightly worse gas mileage) which stimulates the economy and creates jobs. (Here Belly Boy's vision comes through. He sees that a solid infrastructure both directly and indirectly stimulates they economy while showing that the best economic stimulus is gluttony and obesity) 

 

Skinny angry Arab!

Fat Happy Arab

4) Promote peace in the Middle East through the promotion of obesity. Free food programs will fatten up the bad guys, making them too jowly not to be jolly, and ensuring that the groups will get along. (Peace through food has always proven more effective than bomb. Fatlings are lovers not fighters. Belly Boy's grasp of foreign policy makes Henry Kissinger look like a rookie.) 

 

5) No more toothbrushes. (Tooth decay helps our dentists. Belly Boy is a visionary!) 

 

6) Create the Obesity Rights Act Law (ORAL) that would make it a serious criminal offense to discriminate against fat people in the workplace. 

 

7) Affatative Action: For every 300 pounds of skinny employees who weigh less than 150 lbs each that are hired, the company MUST hire at least one employee weighing 300 or more pounds. This will get us fat folks back into the fold, which stimulates the economy and creates jobs. (Belly Boy is pushing the US towards a fair much needed labor amendment) 

 

8) Work Optional for 500+ Pounders: We will all get a free pass regarding work. As we are the elite of the elite, we will not have to provide for society and instead society must provide for us. We will have the right to demand the sexual services of any unmarried woman aged 20 to 40, once per week. Each woman may only be chosen once in any two week period, unless she pays a special tax. This one will probably require some sort of constitutional amendment, which will stimulate the economy and create jobs. (Belly Boys brilliance shines through once again. Hogging food is good for the economy while hogging jobs isn't. 500 pounders create jobs! Why should they work? Because hookers don't pay taxes they will pay taxes with pro bono sex for the fat elite.) 

 

 

9) The Work Optional rule will only apply to the fattest 5% of the population. Just like there's an inflation index, there will be an obesity index, which changes what is considered Massive Status, which gets you the gold royalty treatment I described. (Brilliant!) 

 

10) All male news anchors will be required to weigh at least 300 lbs. (Belly Boy demonstrates he keen understanding of culture and technology. With today's wide screen TVs news anchors should all be meat faced.)

Medicare Revises Obesity Coverage Policy

Policy opens door to coverage of anti-obesity interventions

Surgeons preparing freshly removed pannus for the grill!

A simple revision to a government policy manual may at last make it possible for seniors and disabled       

Americans to have treatments for  diseases related to obesity covered under Medicare.

The revised policy announced by the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) removes language in the Medicare Coverage Issues Manual stating that obesity is not an illness. This step allows members of the public to request that Medicare review medical evidence to determine whether specific treatments related to obesity would be covered by Medicare.

Another perfectly healthy pannus is removed and soaked in marinade and readied for the BBQ pit. YUM!

"Obesity is a critical public health problem in our country that causes millions of Americans to suffer unnecessary health problems and to die prematurely. Treating obesity-related illnesses and complications adds billions of dollars to the nation's health care costs," said HHS Secretary Thompson during testimony before the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee on Labor, Health and Human Services and Education. "With this new policy, Medicare will be able to review scientific evidence in order to determine which interventions improve health outcomes for seniors and disabled Americans who are obese and its many associated medical conditions."

Also called a meat skirt, will greedy surgeons be lopping these extra body parts off and serving them at dinner as meat skirt steaks?

By law, Medicare covers specified medically necessary services for illness and injury. The prior manual language, because it stated that obesity was not an illness, could prevent Medicare from covering treatments for diseases related to obesity.

"From the standpoint of Medicare coverage and the health of our beneficiaries, the question isn't whether obesity is a disease or a risk factor. What matters is whether there's scientific evidence that an obesity-related medical treatment improves health," said CMS Administrator Mark McClellan, M.D., Ph.D. "This change in Medicare's coverage policy puts the focus on public health. The medical science will now determine whether we provide coverage for the treatments that reduce complications and improve quality of life for the millions of Medicare beneficiaries who are obese."

The new policy is not expected to have an immediate impact on Medicare coverage. It does not affect the existing Medicare coverage of treatments of diseases resulting in or made worse by obesity, in particular currently covered surgical treatments for morbidly obese individuals.

However, as requests for coverage of obesity treatments are made by the public, Medicare will implement timely review of the scientific evidence, using the coverage determination procedures established in 1999 and modified by the Medicare Modernization Act of 2003. Detailed information on this process can be found on the Medicare coverage Web sitewww.cms.gov/coverage. Essential to this process is the submission of published, clinical trial data that demonstrate that obesity-related treatments improve the health of Medicare beneficiaries.

"We encourage and we're expecting requests to review scientific evidence evaluating the benefits of a range of treatments for obesity in the Medicare population," said CMS Chief Medical Officer Sean Tunis, M.D. "As a first step, we expect to convene our Medicare Coverage Advisory Committee in the fall to evaluate the evidence on obesity-related surgical procedures that may reduce the risk of heart disease and other illnesses."

More information about this major Medicare policy revision can be found athttp://www.cms.hhs.gov/ncdr/searchdisplay.asp?id=57

Dietetic Association Hails New Medicare Obesity Policy

More on Medicare

• Medicare Primer
• When Medicare Won't Pay, Appeal
• Medicare Drug Card Prices Beat Internet & Mail-order

More on Obesity

• Big Brother, Thinner Brother
• Obesity, Diabetes on the Increase in US
• 64 Percent of Americans are Overweight

Related Articles

• Medicare and Obesity - Medicare Coverage of Obesity Treatment
• Dietetic Association Hails New Medicare Obesity Policy
• US Government Info, - Articles
• Medicare Coverage - Review of Booklet About Medicare Coverage
• Treatment Insurance Coverage Falls Short

I Fat Bastard am stumped on this one. As our millions of readers know Bigger Fatter Politics is weight loss diet neutral but this smacks of weight loss surgery and we are four square meals plus a few snacks against it. I would encourage our readers to provide their opinions and insight on this. I will also be contacting Coach Gains, Dr Gerald "Teddy" Bear, Former Dean of Feederism Proud FA, The Chef, and our investigative reporter Belly Boy to get to the bottom of this and let us know that it means for fatlings everywhere.

Fat People and The Second Amendment.

Need I say more? Yes I do! This fatling's stable firing platform is impressive.

I Fat Bastard, fully support the right to keep and arm bears.

Impressive Fatlings: Care and Feeding

This guy Barry Austin is one of the most impressive fatlings I have ever seen. OINK!  This guy is actually not the fattest guy in Britain at a mere 700 lbs but what he lacks in bulk he more than make up in fattitude. His greedy gluttony is the sort of behavior that should be modeled by every fatling in the world.

I am almost ashamed at times that I, Fat Bastard, am the de facto leader of the fat acceptance  movement when I see impressive specimens like these great folks. I am humbled by their sheer size and I would grovel at their largeness.

This poor bloke is outraged by cruel cuts in his benefits. Now he has to wipe his own butt and bath himself. This is an outrage. Where's NAAFA?!

NOTE: Special thanks to our obesity correspondent Belly Boy for bringing this story to Bigger Fatter Politics.

Belly Boy scooped all the other fat acceptance site by uncovering this very important story. Here is Belly Boy's report


Check out this heroic British man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQjaZ6dmhSY

He weighs 50 stone, which is 700 lbs! His best friend takes him to a big breakfast every day, and then his girlfriend scrubs him down. He is a mere pup compared to me, though. My Asian girlfriend lathers me up with lots of skin moisturizers. 

Reporting from the World Wide Web free lance reporter and uber fatling..... Belly Boy





As a tribute to Belly Boy Bigger Fatter Politics will be featuring bellies that look like cartoon characters.



What famous person does this belly resemble?


Lying cry baby drunk douche bag John Boehner perhaps?

Too Much Greedy Gluttony?

This is a debate that I, Fat Bastard have with myself.  As we fatlings waddle up to the all you can eat buffet and greedily load our plates sky high with glorious glorious food I have to ask myself are we being like the corporate gangsters that everyone despises?  I actually have a certain admiration for these lazy, slothful money gluttons. They are like a whale shark at the mouth of a river who just languishes there, mouth open, and effortlessly taking in food and getting bigger and fatter until the point he is so big and fat that nobody can fuck with him.  Then I sit down and after the first morsel of delicious food passes my lips I think about what is truly important and that is FOOD!


Seasons Greedings