Thursday, January 26, 2012

COMING SOON! Proud FA's Obesogenic Diet

For out new reader let me take this opportunity to welcome you to Bigger Fatter Politics and introduce you to Proud FA aka the Dean of Feederism.

Proud FA is one of the most famous feeders on the planet. With the possible exception of Coach Gains, Proud FA holds the record for fattening most BBWs and turning them into SSBBW's. Proud FA has taken his vast fund of feeding knowledge and he has created the earth shattering Obesogenic Diet. This work will also be known as Feeder/Feedee's Bible. This gainer's guide will be the go to source on how to get fat and stay fat.

We want to whet your appetite so I will recycle an older blog article on feederism and gaining penned by Proud FA, Presidential hopeful Belly Boy and me, Fat Bastard. .

Gaining Tips. A glutton's guide for packing on the fat and pounds.

  •  Start with tasty fattening like sweet tea or other foods that have calories for your body.  
  •  Examine your current eating habit and stop consuming those with negative effects on your weight gain plan.            
  • Find a book of calories and learn what type of food that will help you gain weight.
  • Sit.  
  • Invest in food delivery service.
  • Watch your consumption of foods that have a lot of fiber, eat refined sugar and fat, resist temptations to snack on vegetables, and whole grains. Increase fatty red meat. Eat with ferocity.
  • Super-size your dinner plate, the more food that is served to you, the more you will eat. The same goes for liquid with the exception of water. Avoid water!
  • Frequent napping daily for 30 to 45 minutes. Buy a pedometer and aim for under 100 steps a day.
  • Find opportunities to conserve calories by taking the elevator and get others to run errands for you.
  • Eat quickly and excitedly, if you eat too slowly your brain will eventually tell you that you are no longer hungry.
  • Drink lots of heavy cream, at least 8 glasses a day.
  • Nap and doze frequently.
  • When doing your groceries, pick hig-fat foods, like milk, cheese, cream, butter , yogurt etc.
  • Snack on fruits, candied apples and chocolate covered raisins.
  • Eat more at home and have your meals delivered.
  • Be mindful of your salad dressing, the type and how much and pour it on liberally.
  • People tend to under-eat when they are depressed or stressed, so be mindful to indulge in comfort-food when you feel down.
  • Place notes at strategic locations for eg on the fridge door that reminds you that you are trying to gain weight.

  • Reward yourself after each weekly success. Indulge and pig-out
  • Make a list of all the yummy foods that you crave and tend to binge on and eat as many of those foods as you can get your greedy paws on.
  • Make a list of clothes that will look good on you once you gain weight.
The above are my tips. As a fat guy they are good tips but I Fat Bastard and a mere pup compared to the great Belly Boy. Here are his gaining tips. I have to defer to his expertise just as I Fat Bastard defer to "Dr" Gerald "Teddy" Bear's expertise in fields like fat studies, fat soma types  and bariatric nutrition.

Belly Boy's Gaining Tips! 


http://blog.sanctuaryspaholidays.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/fat-man-massage.jpg
2) Always have some cigarettes after each meal in order to aid the digestive process. Green tea is for health nuts. http://laist.com/attachments/tony/greatjohn.jpg 
1) Have your butler give you a massage before you eat, to stimulate your appetite. http://www.mustknowhow.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/cigarette.jpg 3) Take healthy dumps whenever the need arises, so that you have more room for food. http://renegademoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Western-pack-butter.jpg  4) Butter is your buddy . http://gloomyvegan.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/lard2.jpg 5) Lard is your lover. http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml08/08216.jpg 6) Fried is your friend. http://www.health-eating.net/wp-content/plugins/WPRobot3/images/2f0cb_nutrition_facts_133321459_7d8a89ed25.jpg   7) Looks can be deceiving, always read food labels to make sure you are using the highest quality ingredients when cooking. More calories and fat content means higher quality. The nutrition labels are meant for thinlings, so adjust the percentages accordingly. You should be eating at least 20,000 calories every day. http://images.codingforcharity.org/dmp/2010/11/21/Waddle_20101121200247_thumb.png 8) Don't be afraid to waddle around in order to work up a bigger appetite. I know this sounds like it wouldn't work but it does. You don't want to become completely immobile because there are many disadvantages and it is not as fun as it sounds when you fantaSIZE about it as I used to. http://www.instructables.com/image/FFKI16GG33OYEI1/The-Best-Mexican-Chip-Dip-in-the-whole-entire-worl.jpg 9) Always snack in between meals, to keep your strength up and to whet your appetite for the next meal. http://coltmonday.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/shaq-sleep-eating.jpg?w=504 10) Never sleep for more than 3 hours at a time! Set your alarm to wake yourself up every 3 hours and keep some goodies next to your bed so that you can have something to eat at night. This little trick, I call it "Sleep Eating," and it is an excellent way to pack on the pounds. On normal days you do 2 3-hour cycles, and on weekends you do 3 or 4 3-hour cycles.
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11) Get a sedentary office job. Make sure to leave your jacket on your chair and half a sandwich on your desk so that people will think you just stepped out and will be right back. Then, you hit up the nearby McDonalds for awhile, and come back to the office and act VERY angry and complain about how busy you are, so it shows you are a hard worker and people won't bother you with more work. Use this technique to eat your way to the top of the corporate food chain. http://www.fanstarleagues.com/football/drunkspool/images/long-turd-big.jpg 12) SAVE YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS. http://www.worldofstock.com/slides/PFR1105.jpg 13) Don't fall into the "three meals a trap", make sure you have at least 5 main meals everyday. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch, Dinner, and Supper. You want to snack in between meals as I mentioned, including while you drive. Just because it's illegal to drink and drive doesn't mean you can't EAT and drive! Use the law's loopholes to your advantage! http://media.gazettextra.com/img/photos/2009/04/30/DoughnutChamp_t200.jpg?63053ce3c12ccdabb07c8a8609241a2395705911 14) Donuts are a fat person's best friend. They are compact, have a hole for easy carrying, and pack some solid calories into a small place. The high sugar content gets your blood sugar up; and when you combine the sugar rush with some coffee, you will be up and humming along while all of your co-workers are still drowsy and cranky. http://www.whatsonxiamen.com/news_images/77511.jpg 15) Be careful when you are feeding. It can be easy to get caught up in the moment and end up biting one of your fingers, which can be very painful and even require surgery. In extreme cases, a feeding glutton may even chew off and swallow his own finger without even realizing it. https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDoCColcaqosvlsboBAgwdLNU5Vw7-pxCUo5Cox3acgINX_PCxd1xo3kUs7z2D8u7deak74s9AiXERa4l864z3D6LrPt8k0yE9XEEb4v71ic0duCx1iOavIb6dWjawMlM4yi-CJm9dhXc/s400/IZ1s.jpg 16) Learn to play a very small instrument, such as a tiny guitar, or other child-sized instruments. This makes you look bigger, inspiring you to eat more. https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcjdyvoVoq6-cdSsqpY8X2sBFnI8SUeGgV_4tzHz4eW2dsQixH5z5WXYlpY5V3HPP6n6rlV3zWD2PHGITHz333rMgJnshZPqeAP2XJ-Yg1YXXI4z-YlAkqEHiXneOJaX_Z9s1mvUrmcy7R/s400/225629_fat_guy_in_car.jpg 17) Drive an SUV. Sure you waste a few hundred dollars a year on gas, but you make up for it with extra storage space, cup holders, cargo space, places to put things, empty space, and more room. It can be hard to climb the stair to get up, but you can have extra steps installed to make it easier to get up. It's like SUViagra. http://www.poopreport.com/Images/Consumer/Content/Bidet/Images/phess3.jpg 18) Invest in a good portable bidet, which is a must if you are on the road. This helps stimulate your appetite by being clean, although sometimes it can be fun to be dirty instead. The choice is all up to you. http://www.natural-wonder-pets.com/images/NoToothbrush.jpg 19) NEVER brush your teeth! This wears them down, and as gluttons our teeth are already worn down from all that chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, and chewing. The bristles just make them wear down even faster. Instead, apply toothpaste directly to your teeth and swish it around over your teeth, and use mouth wash as well. Mouthwash is also an excellent foot deodorizer, if you mix some with water and put it in a clean bedpan and stick your feet in.
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GOUT
BELLY BOY, GOUT



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EAT!

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EAT!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Who Gets The Fat Vote: Obama? Gingrich

I Fat Bastard, have been pondering the question or who will win the fat vote. I have consulted with some of the most astute political fatlings and I am still in a quandry but I do have some thoughts and predictions.

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The Chef loves the ladies and the ladies love the Chef.

According to the Chef, fat voters will split among gender and geographical lines. The Chef: "Them BBW's and SSBBW's will be votin for the Barrack God bless em but them fat crackas will be voting for Newt."

http://www.thefullmooney.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Newt-Gingrich-on-Family-Values.jpg

Fat males will be voting primarily for :pig: Republican :pig: Newt Gingrich. There are many reasons for this. Gingrich is a fat guy and while he is not even close to Chris Christie  he's a hell of a lot fatter than Obama. Fat guys admire a corpulent man like Gingrich because he's one fat guy that gets laid a lot! Most fat guys only sex is with Rosie Palm and her five sisters. Gingrich gets more ass than a toilet seat and that's more than former fatling Bill Clinton. Gingrich once said of his first or second wife, "She not pretty enough to be a president's wife and besides she has cancer." 

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That's fattitude. 

 http://squareone-learning.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/Newt-Gingrich-Is-A-Pig.jpg
This makes :pig:Newt Gingrich:pig: the hogzilla of alpha pigs. OINK! He's a hero to fat boys everywhere. A lot of fat guys would like to be a womanizer like Newt Gingrich but they just don't have his sweep. Fat guys will be voting for Newt.

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President Obama will do great with the sows. Women swoon over him and so do fat girls. The like skinny guys because skinny guy often leave some food on their plate and as the late Tupac Shakur so adroitly pointed out, "Skinny niggas can really throw the dick." and The first lady always has a smile on her face so Barack can really throw the dick. Fat girls are jealous of Michelle but they love Barrack and always go for guys who are way way way out of their league. 

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Da FOOD!

Obama's home town is Chicago and Chicago is one of the fattest cities in the world. Obama will carry the fat vote in major metropolitan areas and Obama is courting those voters with a lot of power eating of his own.

http://cbschicago.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/obama_hot_dog.jpg?w=300
The White House is courting fat female voters with big thick wieners. Fat girls love big thick wieners!

:pig: Republicans:pig: are working much harder and  for the fat vote. The Republicans have big time pig time money behind them and the following article from Mother Jones explains.


http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/06/republicans-courting-fat-vote


:pig:Republicans:pig: Court the Fat Vote

| Thu Jun. 2, 2011 8:54 AM PDT

There isn't much dispute in the public health world that Americans are too fat. A quarter of all Americans living in 39 states are clinically obese, numbers that have expanded dramatically over the past 20 years. So you'd think that when the Obama administration tries to actually do something to address the obesity epidemic, most everyone would be on board. With the current crop of Republicans in Congress, though, you'd be mistaken.

The Washington Post reports that House :pig: Republicans:pig: have decided to slash away at public health measures designed to combat obesity, especially those aimed at children. On Tuesday, a House appropriations committee decided to do away with the first new upgrade of federal nutritional standards for public school meals in 15 years. Making the meals lower in fat and sugar and adding in more fruits and veggies, they concluded, simply cost too much. And those regulations passed last year that would require fast-food outlets to post the calorie information of their fattening offerings? Well, House :pig:Republicans:pig: want to exempt 7-Elevens, grocery stores, and other businesses from those rules. Americans apparently don't need to know that the Double Gulp they're about the buy contains a whopping 600 calories. Children, who are assaulted daily with advertising for horrible, fatty, sugar-laden food will get no relief from :pig:Republicans:pig:, who have told the Department of Agriculture to back away from crafting even voluntary guidelines for companies that pitch food to kids.

Clearly, :pig:Republicans:pig: are pandering to their big-ag and corporate food processing donors here. But by doing so, it sure looks like they are giving new meaning to the party's "big tent." They aren't setting a particularly good example, at least, when it comes to taking obesity seriously. But perhaps they don't care that much.

http://seattle98.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/17.jpg
Gov. Chris "Crisco" Christie flaunting fabulous fat folds.

One of the party's leading lights, the heavyset New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, once told Don Imus, "I am setting an example Don. We have to spur our economy. Dunkin Donuts, International House of Pancakes, those people need to work too.”  Christie this week took a state helicopter to his kid's baseball game, got in a black sedan that drove him 100 yards to the baseball diamond and then back to the helicopter. Apparently walking was just out of the question. :pig:Republicans:pig: are trying desperately to get Christie to run for president.

Friday, January 20, 2012

How bin Laden Was Really Killed

The official story is that SEAL Team 6 flew in with stealth helicopters, stormed bin Laden's compound and fired a 6.72 NATO round in his skinny carcass. Bigger Fatter Politics has photographic proof showing how Osama bin Laden was really killed.

Navy SEALS did not kill bin Laden. The truth is  SSBBW agents working for the CIA killed bin Laden. It is no secret that Muslim men love SSBBWs and Osama bin Laden was no exception. In fact the bin Laden men have been into squashing for years. Osama was into it more than any of them and the CIA knew this. Osama was known to hide under SSBBWs when he was hiding in the Afghanistan caves  and the protective blubber of SSBBWs protected him from the relentless bombing by the US air force as they dropped 2000 pound bunker buster bombs on his suspected hiding places.

Here is the photo leaked to Bigger Fatter Politics.

http://www.laughparty.com/funny-pictures/The-Obese-Solution-182.jpg
Seized from the bin Laden compound. One of Osama's many squashing sessions.



There is some truth to the official story. A stealth helicopter did crash but it was do to the weight of the SSBBWs there was no mechanical failure as reported. Osama bin Laden was an avid feeder and fed the BBWs a steady diet of dates and camel meat.

http://sitelife.aviationweek.com/ver1.0/Content/images/store/11/0/7bc3f980-bd16-4c2e-a0a5-84ac1faf5e1e.Full.jpg

Sex sow seductresses did what American bunker busting bombs could not do. Pulverizing bin Laden with big butts and piggy pussies they killed Osama bin Laden.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Home Made Twinkie: A Good Twinkie Recipe

In my last article I, Fat Bastard, lamented the coming demise of the Twinkie. Many of us gluttons are in pre mourning. There have been Twinkie riots in some states and I will be contacting NAAFA in hope of organizing an occupy Hostess demonstration. If we fatlings hold a sit in the cops will need a crane and a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer to move us. What are they going to do when there are 1000's of us oinking loudly and angrily in a deafening din?

This could unite the splintered fat acceptance movement. When this hits the fatosphere, groups like NAAFA, Big Fat Blog http://www.bigfatblog.com/ and Fierce Free Thinking Fatties http://fiercefatties.com/ will be waddling side by site with those of us in NAFAM and NIFIM in an unstoppable flabbalance of epic proportions.

Here are some cheers we will be chanting.

We are fat! We are mean! We don't want not Lean Cuisine!

2 4 6 8 we do not regurgitate. Then we will burn MeMe Roth in effigy.

Last night Thinnette baked up 6 pans of these DIY Twinkies and while they were not exactly like the genuine article they were pretty damn good. The Chef is also working on his own special chocolate Twinkie but like the Belly BurgerTM  this will have a copyright and patent and will only be sold in stores and online.

Get ready to drool fellow fatlings. Here's the top secret recipe Thinnette found on MSNBC via Wiki Leaks.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/38681430/ns/today-food/t/make-your-own-twinkies-top-secret-recipe/#.TxceDryF_Xg


Recipe: Twinkies


Secret Ingredients
  • Non-stick spray
  • 4 egg whites
  • One 16-ounce box golden pound cake mix
  • 2/3 cup water
  • Filling
  • 2 teaspoons very hot water
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups marshmallow creme (one 7-ounce jar)
  • 1/2 cup shortening
  • 1/3 cup powdered sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
 
 
Preparation
You will need a spice bottle, approximately the size of a Twinkie, ten 12 x 14 -inch pieces of aluminum foil, a cake decorator or pastry bag, and a chopstick.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
Fold each piece of aluminum foil in half twice. Wrap the folded foil around the spice bottle to create a mold. Leave the top of the mold open for pouring in the batter. Make 10 of these molds and arrange them on a cookie sheet or in a shallow pan. Grease the inside of each mold with a light coating of non-stick spray.
Disregard the directions on the box of cake mix. Instead, beat the egg whites until stiff. In a separate bowl combine cake mix with water and beat until thoroughly blended (about 2 minutes). Fold egg whites into the cake batter and slowly combine until completely mixed.
Pour the batter into the molds, filling each one about 3/4 of an inch. Bake in the preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until the cake is golden brown and a toothpick stuck in the center comes out clean.
For the filling, combine salt with the hot water in a small bowl and stir until salt is dissolved. Let this mixture cool.
Combine the marshmallow creme, shortening, powdered sugar and vanilla in a medium bowl and mix well with an electric mixer on high speed until fluffy.
Add the salt solution to the filling mixture and combine.
When the cakes are done and cooled, use a skewer or chopstick to make three holes in the bottom of each one. Move the stick around inside of each cake to create space for the filling.
Using a cake decorator or pastry bag, inject each cake with filling through all three holes.
Serving Size
Serves 10

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Save The Twinkie

I, Fat Bastard, debated long and hard about posting this video. I thought maybe it would be too cruel seeing Rev Burn eating Twinkies. As most of you know by now Hostess will no longer be making Twinkies. This is an outrage! What bone head executive came up with this retarded idea? This will be a bigger boner than when they changed the formula for Coke. This is why Hostess is going bankrupt. Stupid CEOs.

ROMNEY IS AN EVIL! LIAR CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW BAD HE REALLY IS! YOU WILL BE ASTOUNDED! 

http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20071107115225/uncyclopedia/images/c/c8/FatGothKid.jpg
Do something President Obama or you will lose the fat vote. Fatlings nationwide are livid! There will be loud and angry oinking!

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I suspect that that evil thinling MeMe Roth is behind this latest assault on gluttony!

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/bc/Hostess-Twinkies-Box-Small.jpg/290px-Hostess-Twinkies-Box-Small.jpg
Sad news arrived the other day. Hostess Brands, the makers of Twinkies, had filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

Its future is in the hands of bankers, not bakers. The company said it's battling rising labor costs and increased competition. The real culprit though, is the health-conscious attitudes of Americans today who favor energy bars over Ring Dings.

It just doesn't make sense!!

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We sent a man to the moon, invented Velcro and bailed out the banks. You'd think we could figure out a way to save the noble and humble Twinkie.

http://lbdarling.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/twinkiekid.jpg
Twinkies are an American tradition, along with Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Yodels and Suzy Q's. Our entire culture is under fire.

A Twinkie has only 150 calories, or 300 per package, and really, who doesn't eat both? But a single Twinkie has fewer calories than a McDonald's Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait or a serving of carrots and hummus. And who wants to eat that anyway?

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At a time when the country faces a prolonged recession, these treats are comfort foods people can rely on.

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I can remember sitting in the cafeteria in grade school, opening my brown lunch bag. I quickly chowed down my nearly stale sandwich, the same sort I ate every day, while the room filled with the high-pitched chatter of loosely supervised young voices.

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Then, tenderly, I'd pull out the package of Twinkies with my fingertips so I didn't damage the delicate cakes. (A deformed Twinkie doesn't taste the same.)

I'd begin to sink my teeth into the yellow cake, feeling its porous surface against my lips and that odd sweet flavor of the outer shell against my tongue.

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The journey was rewarded as I reached that perfect creamy filling inside.

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I'd take small bites, savoring the moment. The world around me seemed to come to a stop. Conversations ceased. It was just you and your Twinkie. There were some glances from around the table. But you had your golden treasure and you weren't giving it up.

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When you were done, your meal was complete. You were happy, satisfied, even though you'd have to go back to class.

So many memories, and now they are threatened by the combination of changing tastes and man's inability to engineer a healthy, sweet, yellow torpedo of a snack.

It was simply one of man's most frivolous inventions, along with Snuggies and the Popeil Pocket Fisherman.

So what that it didn't have any redeeming nutritional value? Neither do canolis or grilled cheese. But they add richness to our lives. Not everything we do has to serve some utilitarian purpose.

Like music and poetry, it stimulates our senses, takes us someplace special.

We can embrace all the splendors of our world, lest we all become dullards.

Should the Twinkie go, I for one will lament its passing.

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