Who Gets The Fat Vote: Obama? Gingrich

I Fat Bastard, have been pondering the question or who will win the fat vote. I have consulted with some of the most astute political fatlings and I am still in a quandry but I do have some thoughts and predictions.

The Chef loves the ladies and the ladies love the Chef.

According to the Chef, fat voters will split among gender and geographical lines. The Chef: "Them BBW's and SSBBW's will be votin for the Barrack God bless em but them fat crackas will be voting for Newt."



Fat males will be voting primarily for Republican Newt Gingrich. There are many reasons for this. Gingrich is a fat guy and while he is not even close to Chris Christie  he's a hell of a lot fatter than Obama. Fat guys admire a corpulent man like Gingrich because he's one fat guy that gets laid a lot! Most fat guys only sex is with Rosie Palm and her five sisters. Gingrich gets more ass than a toilet seat and that's more than former fatling Bill Clinton. Gingrich once said of his first or second wife, "She not pretty enough to be a president's wife and besides she has cancer." 


That's fattitude. 

 
This makes Newt Gingrich the hogzilla of alpha pigs. OINK! He's a hero to fat boys everywhere. A lot of fat guys would like to be a womanizer like Newt Gingrich but they just don't have his sweep. Fat guys will be voting for Newt.


President Obama will do great with the sows. Women swoon over him and so do fat girls. The like skinny guys because skinny guy often leave some food on their plate and as the late Tupac Shakur so adroitly pointed out, "Skinny niggas can really throw the dick." and The first lady always has a smile on her face so Barack can really throw the dick. Fat girls are jealous of Michelle but they love Barrack and always go for guys who are way way way out of their league. 

Da FOOD!

Obama's home town is Chicago and Chicago is one of the fattest cities in the world. Obama will carry the fat vote in major metropolitan areas and Obama is courting those voters with a lot of power eating of his own.

The White House is courting fat female voters with big thick wieners. Fat girls love big thick wieners!

Republicans are working much harder and  for the fat vote. The Republicans have big time pig time money behind them and the following article from Mother Jones explains.


http://motherjones.com/mojo/2011/06/republicans-courting-fat-vote

Republicans Court the Fat Vote

—By Stephanie Mencimer

| Thu Jun. 2, 2011 8:54 AM PDT

There isn't much dispute in the public health world that Americans are too fat. A quarter of all Americans living in 39 states are clinically obese, numbers that have expanded dramatically over the past 20 years. So you'd think that when the Obama administration tries to actually do something to address the obesity epidemic, most everyone would be on board. With the current crop of Republicans in Congress, though, you'd be mistaken.

The Washington Post reports that House Republicans have decided to slash away at public health measures designed to combat obesity, especially those aimed at children. On Tuesday, a House appropriations committee decided to do away with the first new upgrade of federal nutritional standards for public school meals in 15 years. Making the meals lower in fat and sugar and adding in more fruits and veggies, they concluded, simply cost too much. And those regulations passed last year that would require fast-food outlets to post the calorie information of their fattening offerings? Well, House Republicans want to exempt 7-Elevens, grocery stores, and other businesses from those rules. Americans apparently don't need to know that the Double Gulp they're about the buy contains a whopping 600 calories. Children, who are assaulted daily with advertising for horrible, fatty, sugar-laden food will get no relief from Republicans, who have told the Department of Agriculture to back away from crafting even voluntary guidelines for companies that pitch food to kids.

Clearly, Republicans are pandering to their big-ag and corporate food processing donors here. But by doing so, it sure looks like they are giving new meaning to the party's "big tent." They aren't setting a particularly good example, at least, when it comes to taking obesity seriously. But perhaps they don't care that much.

Gov. Chris "Crisco" Christie flaunting fabulous fat folds.

One of the party's leading lights, the heavyset New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, once told Don Imus, "I am setting an example Don. We have to spur our economy. Dunkin Donuts, International House of Pancakes, those people need to work too.”  Christie this week took a state helicopter to his kid's baseball game, got in a black sedan that drove him 100 yards to the baseball diamond and then back to the helicopter. Apparently walking was just out of the question. Republicans are trying desperately to get Christie to run for president.

How bin Laden Was Really Killed

The official story is that SEAL Team 6 flew in with stealth helicopters, stormed bin Laden's compound and fired a 6.72 NATO round in his skinny carcass. Bigger Fatter Politics has photographic proof showing how Osama bin Laden was really killed.

Navy SEALS did not kill bin Laden. The truth is  SSBBW agents working for the CIA killed bin Laden. It is no secret that Muslim men love SSBBWs and Osama bin Laden was no exception. In fact the bin Laden men have been into squashing for years. Osama was into it more than any of them and the CIA knew this. Osama was known to hide under SSBBWs when he was hiding in the Afghanistan caves  and the protective blubber of SSBBWs protected him from the relentless bombing by the US air force as they dropped 2000 pound bunker buster bombs on his suspected hiding places.

Here is the photo leaked to Bigger Fatter Politics.

Seized from the bin Laden compound. One of Osama's many squashing sessions.

There is some truth to the official story. A stealth helicopter did crash but it was do to the weight of the SSBBWs there was no mechanical failure as reported. Osama bin Laden was an avid feeder and fed the BBWs a steady diet of dates and camel meat.



Sex sow seductresses did what American bunker busting bombs could not do. Pulverizing bin Laden with big butts and piggy pussies they killed Osama bin Laden.

The Home Made Twinkie: A Good Twinkie Recipe

In my last article I, Fat Bastard, lamented the coming demise of the Twinkie. Many of us gluttons are in pre mourning. There have been Twinkie riots in some states and I will be contacting NAAFA in hope of organizing an occupy Hostess demonstration. If we fatlings hold a sit in the cops will need a crane and a Caterpillar D-9 bulldozer to move us. What are they going to do when there are 1000's of us oinking loudly and angrily in a deafening din?

This could unite the splintered fat acceptance movement. When this hits the fatosphere, groups like NAAFA, Big Fat Blog http://www.bigfatblog.com/ and Fierce Free Thinking Fatties http://fiercefatties.com/ will be waddling side by site with those of us in NAFAM and NIFIM in an unstoppable flabbalance of epic proportions.

Here are some cheers we will be chanting.

We are fat! We are mean! We don't want not Lean Cuisine!

2 4 6 8 we do not regurgitate. Then we will burn MeMe Roth in effigy.

Last night Thinnette baked up 6 pans of these DIY Twinkies and while they were not exactly like the genuine article they were pretty damn good. The Chef is also working on his own special chocolate Twinkie but like the Belly BurgerTM  this will have a copyright and patent and will only be sold in stores and online.

Get ready to drool fellow fatlings. Here's the top secret recipe Thinnette found on MSNBC via Wiki Leaks.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/38681430/ns/today-food/t/make-your-own-twinkies-top-secret-recipe/#.TxceDryF_Xg

Recipe: Twinkies

Todd Wilbur

Secret Ingredients

• Non-stick spray
• 4 egg whites
• One 16-ounce box golden pound cake mix
• 2/3 cup water
• Filling
• 2 teaspoons very hot water
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups marshmallow creme (one 7-ounce jar)
• 1/2 cup shortening
• 1/3 cup powdered sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

 

 

Preparation

You will need a spice bottle, approximately the size of a Twinkie, ten 12 x 14 -inch pieces of aluminum foil, a cake decorator or pastry bag, and a chopstick.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Fold each piece of aluminum foil in half twice. Wrap the folded foil around the spice bottle to create a mold. Leave the top of the mold open for pouring in the batter. Make 10 of these molds and arrange them on a cookie sheet or in a shallow pan. Grease the inside of each mold with a light coating of non-stick spray.

Disregard the directions on the box of cake mix. Instead, beat the egg whites until stiff. In a separate bowl combine cake mix with water and beat until thoroughly blended (about 2 minutes). Fold egg whites into the cake batter and slowly combine until completely mixed.

Pour the batter into the molds, filling each one about 3/4 of an inch. Bake in the preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until the cake is golden brown and a toothpick stuck in the center comes out clean.

For the filling, combine salt with the hot water in a small bowl and stir until salt is dissolved. Let this mixture cool.

Combine the marshmallow creme, shortening, powdered sugar and vanilla in a medium bowl and mix well with an electric mixer on high speed until fluffy.

Add the salt solution to the filling mixture and combine.

When the cakes are done and cooled, use a skewer or chopstick to make three holes in the bottom of each one. Move the stick around inside of each cake to create space for the filling.

Using a cake decorator or pastry bag, inject each cake with filling through all three holes.

Serving Size

Serves 10

Save The Twinkie

I, Fat Bastard, debated long and hard about posting this video. I thought maybe it would be too cruel seeing Rev Burn eating Twinkies. As most of you know by now Hostess will no longer be making Twinkies. This is an outrage! What bone head executive came up with this retarded idea? This will be a bigger boner than when they changed the formula for Coke. This is why Hostess is going bankrupt. Stupid CEOs.

ROMNEY IS AN EVIL! LIAR CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW BAD HE REALLY IS! YOU WILL BE ASTOUNDED! 


Do something President Obama or you will lose the fat vote. Fatlings nationwide are livid! There will be loud and angry oinking!


I suspect that that evil thinling MeMe Roth is behind this latest assault on gluttony!

Sad news arrived the other day. Hostess Brands, the makers of Twinkies, had filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

Its future is in the hands of bankers, not bakers. The company said it's battling rising labor costs and increased competition. The real culprit though, is the health-conscious attitudes of Americans today who favor energy bars over Ring Dings.

It just doesn't make sense!!

We sent a man to the moon, invented Velcro and bailed out the banks. You'd think we could figure out a way to save the noble and humble Twinkie.

Twinkies are an American tradition, along with Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, Yodels and Suzy Q's. Our entire culture is under fire.

A Twinkie has only 150 calories, or 300 per package, and really, who doesn't eat both? But a single Twinkie has fewer calories than a McDonald's Fruit 'n Yogurt Parfait or a serving of carrots and hummus. And who wants to eat that anyway?

At a time when the country faces a prolonged recession, these treats are comfort foods people can rely on.

I can remember sitting in the cafeteria in grade school, opening my brown lunch bag. I quickly chowed down my nearly stale sandwich, the same sort I ate every day, while the room filled with the high-pitched chatter of loosely supervised young voices.

Then, tenderly, I'd pull out the package of Twinkies with my fingertips so I didn't damage the delicate cakes. (A deformed Twinkie doesn't taste the same.)

I'd begin to sink my teeth into the yellow cake, feeling its porous surface against my lips and that odd sweet flavor of the outer shell against my tongue.

The journey was rewarded as I reached that perfect creamy filling inside.

I'd take small bites, savoring the moment. The world around me seemed to come to a stop. Conversations ceased. It was just you and your Twinkie. There were some glances from around the table. But you had your golden treasure and you weren't giving it up.

When you were done, your meal was complete. You were happy, satisfied, even though you'd have to go back to class.

So many memories, and now they are threatened by the combination of changing tastes and man's inability to engineer a healthy, sweet, yellow torpedo of a snack.

It was simply one of man's most frivolous inventions, along with Snuggies and the Popeil Pocket Fisherman.

So what that it didn't have any redeeming nutritional value? Neither do canolis or grilled cheese. But they add richness to our lives. Not everything we do has to serve some utilitarian purpose.

Like music and poetry, it stimulates our senses, takes us someplace special.

We can embrace all the splendors of our world, lest we all become dullards.

Should the Twinkie go, I for one will lament its passing.

Fattest President Ever Was The Greastest President Ever

Now that Belly Boy has thrown his hat in the ring and announced his candidacy and waddle for President of the United State of America I, Fat Bastard as his chief political adviser believe that a historical perspective is in order for this momentous event. Belly Boy has already made the Guinness Book of word records for being America's fattest candidate by crushing Presidents Clinton, Taft and Teddy Roosevelt combined weights by a whopping 300 pounds.

Who were America's greatest presidents ever. Some may say it was that skinny bean pole Abraham Lincoln but Lincoln cut down that cherry tree and that meant less cherry pies. Obama is also a bean pole and while he dragged the world out of a massive recession, killed countless terrorists and reformed health care slightly the jury is still out on him.

History has shown that our greatest presidents have been fat with the greatest president William Howard Taft, followed by William Jefferson Clinton and finally Teddy Roosevelt. 


Let's start with the greatest and the fattest president William Howard Taft.



Here are some facts about Taft: he weighed 330 lbs. This was in stark contrast to Teddy Roosevelt, who was very physically fat and fit. One year, he received for Christmas a 50 lb. mince meat pie and a 26 lb. opossum from Georgia, which was said to be the largest ever shot in the state.

Some historians suggest that he wasn't re-elected because of this negative public image, which was not helped by the fact that he was seemingly always out golfing with business leaders but I believe that People who looked past all of this realized that during his four years in office, he busted twice as many trusts and chair as Teddy Roosevelt had in eight years in office. He was a much better president than Clinton or Teddy Roosevelt. Not only was he a better it was because Roosevelt stepped in and formed a rival party called the Bull Moose Party allowing Democrat Woodrow Wilson to win. trust buster than TR he also busted more furniture and once got stuck in a bathtub so they created a super sized bathtub just for him. While Bill Clinton was busting a nut in Monica Lewinski's pretty mouth William Howard Taft was busting greedy corporations. Taft was a true progressive,

Following Roosevelt into office, Taft continued to enforce antitrust laws. He was key in bringing down the Standard Oil Company in 1911. Also during Taft's term in office, the sixteenth amendment was passed that allowed the U.S. to collect income taxes.

Taft was more loved than Reagan. "Justice Brewer of the Supreme Court said that 'Taft is the politest man in Washington; the other day he gave up his seat in a street-car to three ladies.'"

After Taft lost the election of 1912, Yale University sent a man to the White House to suggest that Taft accept a Chair of Law at the University. Taft replied that a Chair would not be adequate, but that if the University would provide a Sofa of Law, "it might be all right'.

Bill Best When Big Bawdy and Bulbous!

William Jefferson Clinton aka Bill Bubba Clinton (AKA the BIG DOG!)

Growing up poor, self made man Bill Clinton had to budget for food. This is why he was able to balance the the budget and create surplus while paying down the debt and growing the economy. As the economy grew so did Clinton which showed everyone that he was on the right track.

Monica Lewinsky didn't get those lips from sucking door knobs sideways!

Like all fat guys Bill knew this. You can beat a drum, you can beat an egg and you can beat your wife (Hillary could kick his fat boy ass) but you can't beat a blow job.

Teddy Roosevelt Shouting BELLY!

Teddy Roosevelt

Many people are confused. They think that TR was constantly shouting  BULLY but in reality he was saying  BELLY!

When not trust busting these belly bustling bubbas brandished their big bellies!

Sadly my presidential hopeful Chris "Krispy Kreme" Christie has committed political suicide, obviously the result of his foolhardy bariatric surgery. Clearly Christie got some bad advice from a political adviser. 75% of Americans are fat... DUH... He was guaranteed a landslide victory! Then he got that rare fat boy jealousy and started throwing his weight around thought he could get away with fucking with the Fort Lee mayor. This was clearly the result of surgery induced ketogenic psychosis.

Christie's other mistake was similar to Julius Caesar's fatal error of surrounding himself with skinny men with the lean and hungry look.

Enter the beloved Rob Ford. People love fat guys. People loved Chris Farley, John Belushi, Rodney Dangerfield, John Candy, Pavarroti, Luther Vandross, Sam Kinison. Rob Ford is a crack smoking, boozing, whoring big fat son of a bitch and everybody loves him and in spite of his gluttony, drugging and whoring he was still on of the best mayors in the world.

People are forgiving. A good fat boy mia culpa will square things with the American people. What was so bad about the little prank you pulled on Fort Lee? Bill Clinton did a lot worse things than that. He signed the repeal of Glass Steagal and was shameless glutton and whore fucker and people still love him. Bush on the other hand was a chicken hawk, AWOL coke snorting alcoholic and probably still is but people hate him. If G. W. would just get fat and forget about his vanity the brain dead American people would love him.

Go on a binge Governor Christie. Get that fucking Lap-Band removed and party down. Get high with Rob Ford, smoke a Fatty with Snoop, bust some rhymes and EAT!

Boom Shakka Lakka I love being crude
Boom Shakka Lakka Bring me more food
Boom Shakka Lakka Roll me a fatty
East coast Governator be your pimp daddy.




Boom Shakka Lakka I can barely walk

Put me in my scooter this Nigga can I talk
Boom Shakka Lakka I be gettin bigga
East coast governor I be one fly Nigga

Ridin in my limo posse by my side
Pimpin them corporate hoes nationwide.
Boom Shakka Lakka rollin to the fridge
Fuck with me Nigga and I'll shut down EVERY bridge

Boom Shakka Lakka hangin with Obama
President is chill no baby mamma drama.
Word to ISIS from the USA.
Fuck with us Niggas I blow your ass away.



Christie shouts to the crowd, "Give it up for my Nigga Rob Ford." Ford waddles onto the stage and he can Christie belly bump and the crowd goes wild. Ford and Christie share a super sized Bob Marley fattie rolled with the finest BC Hydro. They waddle of the stage and head to the limo.

More Sage Advice From Reverend Burn

Belly Boy For President

Our favorite son Belly Boy is being drafted to run for President of the United States of America. For those of you who don't think that Belly Boy is presidential timber consider the fact that our two greatest presidents, William Howard Taft and William Jefferson Clinton. Based on poundage alone Belly Boy will without a doubt me the greatest president ever.

William Howard Taft

More to follow as facts emerge.

UPDATE!

Introducing Belly Boy's Platform

OUR NEXT PRESIDENT BELLY BOY (WILL NOT BE SILENCED! 

 

This is a draft of Belly Boy's speech he will be giving at the NAFAM convention. 

In these days of government cutbacks, it seems irresponsible to add newfangled procedures that are not necessarily in everyone's best interests. First off, these are old people who are on Medicare, generally. If you're old and fat, congratulations, you won! You beat out the early heart disease deaths, and if you have diabetes you've overcome that too. 

 

What we do not need to do as a society is engage in cannibalistic behavior such as pannus removals. What about the belly buttons? They have to be replaced with surgical creations, which are inferior. 

 

What about the inevitable weight regain? It will stretch out the skin even thinner than before, causing more injuries. You can't just carve off hunks of flesh and expect that to destroy the gluttonous instincts of the person cocooned inside that meatiest of barriers. Instead of focusing on things that would turn gluttons into normalings - which would be the only thing that could work in the long term - they are instead going for procedures that will make more money for doctors and bankrupt Medicare. People will think they can just gain 100 lbs and have it hacked off for free, and then do it again and again. Well, I think that if you want to enjoy the chocolate dipped fruits of gluttony, then you also have a duty to embrace the sensuality of it all by being large and in charge. If you want to lose weight then don't ask the government for help. If the government is going to get into the business of weight loss, maybe it should stop providing 1,500 calorie lunches in school cafeterias first. But of course that will never happen because we demand flavor. Therefore, let us just eat our Reese's Pieces in peace. We are the 75%, and our voices will not be silenced. By the way, I am working on the Pizza Party platform, and I have a few things settled on for now:

 

Belly Boy's Fat form Platform

 

Here BELLY BOY shows his ability to be commander in chief   

 

USS Belly Boy

 

1) All US aircraft must be retrofitted to bariatric proportions, with at least 4 foot wide aisles and two foot wide seats. I recommend switching to a more convenient "around the edges" style of seating. Instead of just rows, you put the seats up against the windows to provide extra room. Then we'll just build more planes to compensate for the lower number of seats, which stimulates the economy and creates jobs. 

 

 

2) Remove all federal funding for every school in the country, UNLESS, they institute Competitive Eating as a sport, and make it something that is taught in physical education. It is the sport of the future and it helps kids eat more, which stimulates the economy and creates jobs. (Here Belly Boy shows his grasp of the importance of education and how a strong educational system is vital to a strong economy) 

 

Autobahn or Bellybahn?

3) Widen the federal highway system to add extra lanes on each side. This will allow more cars to go on each side, which allows for faster transportation. This will counteract the effect of our weight increase on our fuel efficiency (fatter people get slightly worse gas mileage) which stimulates the economy and creates jobs. (Here Belly Boy's vision comes through. He sees that a solid infrastructure both directly and indirectly stimulates they economy while showing that the best economic stimulus is gluttony and obesity) 

 

Skinny angry Arab!

Fat Happy Arab

4) Promote peace in the Middle East through the promotion of obesity. Free food programs will fatten up the bad guys, making them too jowly not to be jolly, and ensuring that the groups will get along. (Peace through food has always proven more effective than bomb. Fatlings are lovers not fighters. Belly Boy's grasp of foreign policy makes Henry Kissinger look like a rookie.) 

 

5) No more toothbrushes. (Tooth decay helps our dentists. Belly Boy is a visionary!) 

 

6) Create the Obesity Rights Act Law (ORAL) that would make it a serious criminal offense to discriminate against fat people in the workplace. 

 

7) Affatative Action: For every 300 pounds of skinny employees who weigh less than 150 lbs each that are hired, the company MUST hire at least one employee weighing 300 or more pounds. This will get us fat folks back into the fold, which stimulates the economy and creates jobs. (Belly Boy is pushing the US towards a fair much needed labor amendment) 

 

8) Work Optional for 500+ Pounders: We will all get a free pass regarding work. As we are the elite of the elite, we will not have to provide for society and instead society must provide for us. We will have the right to demand the sexual services of any unmarried woman aged 20 to 40, once per week. Each woman may only be chosen once in any two week period, unless she pays a special tax. This one will probably require some sort of constitutional amendment, which will stimulate the economy and create jobs. (Belly Boys brilliance shines through once again. Hogging food is good for the economy while hogging jobs isn't. 500 pounders create jobs! Why should they work? Because hookers don't pay taxes they will pay taxes with pro bono sex for the fat elite.) 

 

 

9) The Work Optional rule will only apply to the fattest 5% of the population. Just like there's an inflation index, there will be an obesity index, which changes what is considered Massive Status, which gets you the gold royalty treatment I described. (Brilliant!) 

 

10) All male news anchors will be required to weigh at least 300 lbs. (Belly Boy demonstrates he keen understanding of culture and technology. With today's wide screen TVs news anchors should all be meat faced.)